We're back on the WWW

[Abbie]

We have internet again yay!
I posted something very short on the private board, and I don't even know why I put it there. I have a couple pictures to put on there, but this is what has been occupying my mind and emotions this whole week.

background: My grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer a few years ago. It went into remission once, things were great, then it came back. She recently had been getting worse and worse. She couldn't eat, lost a lot of weight, and was bed confined. A month ago the home health agency wrote in her chart that they suspected a UTI. Nothing was said to the family, a dr., etc. They put in a catheter around 3 weeks ago.

So Monday my poor grandfather goes to wake her up, and she wouldn't. When he finally got her awake, she was unresponsive, eyes open. He was afraid it was her sugar (bad diabetic), and called 911. So the nurse could tell right off that she had a bad UTI (in older people a UTI can seriously affect the mental status if untreated). Through Monday, just being in the hospital, you could notice a great change. She could stay awake longer. When she spoke it was audible. It wasn't a whisper anymore. When I left around 9, I told her I'd come back the next day after Frank got off so he could watch Cara again.

Tuesday came and my sister went there after school. She told me that our grandmother was worse (breathing wise). I decided I'd just go ahead and bring Cara. We never passed anyone in the halls the day before, and neither of them can make the other sick anyway. I'm really glad that I brought Cara. She was perfect the WHOLE time! For over 2 hours she didn't even get frustrated. She was sweet, smiled at her great-granny, and was a joy. We left around 7:10, and Cara 'waved' and we told her we loved her, and bye for the night. My mom called me at 8:15 and told me that she had passed.

I think that she doesn't have to suffer anymore, and that makes grieving easier. I'm also at peace with the fact that my sister, one of our cousins, my baby, and I had been there to tell her we love her, hug her, and see her once more. She was fully aware we were there too. Right before I got up my grandfather told her he was going down to smoke (he still does ) , and she whispered, "don't be gone too long." So that makes me think she knew it would happen soon. I was most sad for my dad. Both of his sisters were there, but he wasn't. He is a truck driver, and he was in Iowa when she passed. Like my little sister said, he missed so much of us growing up, missed his first granddaughter's birth, and missed seeing his Mama one last time.

The visitation was last night, and burial was today. I only cried a little, even with all the pregnant hormones! There was a video of still pictures throughout her life. The last one was her holding Cara when she was about a month old.

So that picture, combined with "When I Get Where I'm Going" by Dolly Parton and Brad Paisley - I was snorting back the tears.

I'm sorry that was so long. It really feels good to talk about it too. Let me also ask any of you who are smokers: stop? Do it for your family. For your future grandkids.

Ok. I am going to catch up on all the posts that I missed now!