Stressed, & need help

Morticia · #1 (**permalink**) 05-17-2008, 06:31 AM

Hi everybody. I just joined up, and I guess this is the place to write about stress. Well, I am 37, work full time 6 days a week, and am the main bread-winner (just me & my husband, no kids). I love my husband dearly, but he doesn't help out as much as I would like him to. I do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. He has his pay garnished for child support arrears for 2 selfish brats (ages 21 & 33!!!!!) who couldn't care less about him. We got papers from the courts to have a hearing so we can stop this, and the papers have been sitting in the same spot on our table for 2 months almost. After I pay the bills, food, gas, etc, there is hardly anything left over. I work all week with maybe 2 or 3 dollars in my pocket, bringing soda & snacks with me, you know. I am lucky if I get 5 hours of sleep a night (I am up at 3:30 am). Past couple of weeks I have been itchy. No rashes or anything, just a really bad itch all over. Last Monday my wrist broke out in hives, and I read these come from stress. Plus, I have always had headaches, but the last 2 I am sure were migraines. I had to call off work and it lasted all day even with medicine (must say, pain or not, pretty cool to stay in bed all day!!). My husband can't understand why I am so tired all the time, and it frustrates the hell out of me he can't see all I do. And if I don't do something because I forgot or ran out of time, THEN he notices. This morning as I was getting ready for work, he started to say that we don't spend enough time together like we used to, that I am "never there". He says I am bored with him. I am not bored with him; I still find him as handsome as the day we first met, and I feel sorry for him that he got involved with selfish women in the past. I told him if he wants to spend more time with me, he can follow me when I am up & down the stairs when I am doing laundry, hang out in the bathroom while I am scrubbing the toilet, come out at 5AM when I am walkning the puppy, etc. And he can always come with me to work on the weekends, too. So, sorry this is so long, but I have to get this out & get some feedback. When I try to discuss this with him, I get nowhere. It's like clapping with one hand. And, I guess our intimate life could be better. My mind is willing, the body isn't up to it lately. I have a lot on my mind, and I am the only person in my dept at work, so I have a lot going on there that I have to keep track of as well. Anything goes wrong with shipping something out, I am to blame, and I am trying as hard as I can. It seems like I can never do enough, everyone wants more. I have been here 4 years almost, so you'd think if I can run a dept by myself there should be some sort of respect there, but no. It's always, can you fax this for me, can you copy these for me, can you do this & that, blah blah blah. I seem to be always "on" all the time, and I am so fed up I feel like crying a lot. I want to try to go back to school, but who knows? Thanks for listening to me, everyone.

Happy Life Space · #2 (**permalink**) 05-17-2008, 11:00 AM

Hi Morticia,

Wow, no wonder you feel like crying all the time - you have a lot on your plate at the moment! That is ok - you are obviously very committed to making a change for the better -so over time, I am sure your tensions will ease. Below are some of my suggestions for you. I hope they help.

When reading your post, the first thing that jumped out at me was the court papers that have been sitting on your table for months now. It appears that financial strain is a considerable stressor in your life at the moment. If the court hearing can take some of that burden off (you said that the hearing would be to end the amount of money that your husband is paying in child support) then is there any reason why the papers have been sitting there for so long? Perhaps you and your husband can start by organizing those papers and getting the hearing started. Hopefully after the hearing is resolved the financial burden will ease which will more than likely ease some of the stress that you are experiencing.

It sounds as if you are doing the right thing by talking to your husband about what is going on for you at the moment; however, from what you say, it appears that he is not taking what you say on board and/or does not know how to change. This is probably extremely difficult and frustrating for you. Perhaps you could try approaching it differently? Try incorporating a bit of fun and romance into the household chores to intice your husband to assist? Use your imagination! Timing is also a key factor when communicating with husbands! What times do you choose to talk to him about what you are feeling? Is it when he is calm, relaxed and in a good head space? Those are usually the best times.

I am sure the stressors at work are probably even more intensified because of the pressure you are feeling in your personal life at the moment. I am sure once they start to ease, things at work will get better for you.

I wish you all the best
Take care,
Cassie
Happy Life Space

momshome · #3 (**permalink**) 07-07-2008, 08:02 PM

That's so hard. I know from personal experience and most of the time what helps is talking about it. Other women in todays world understand what you are saying. I am a mom with 5 boys. I also watch 4-5 daycare children ages 9 mos - 3 years old. Plus I'm working two home businesses. Most days I feel stretched to the max. Then at night my dh still wants me to perform for him and most of the time I'm tired and ready to sleep, not to play.

I've found that boards like these and talking to women just like me on the phone helps a lot. Also taking time to have time for me. Like chatting with others...I just took the weekend off and it rejuvinated me. I know that isn't always an option. I also found that walking helps a lot with stress. I don't know if any of this helps.

If you need someone to talk to I'm available any time. Email me at momshome office and I will send you my number or email me your number and I can call you.

As women we stand a better chance of surviving todays world if we help each other!!

momshome · #4 (**permalink**) 07-07-2008, 08:06 PM

Sorry, My email is my5boyz@embarqmail.com.