I am in need of marital advice please. Let me start with a little background first; DH & I have been married 14 years (in August). I was barely 21 and he was 27. I grew up in a VERY sheltered home and was taught that anything sexual or intimate was for procreation only. Pre-marital sex was a definite no-no. I had never had alcholol, been to a party or involved in anything immoral or questionable. So needless to say, when I married DH I cwas extremely niave. I knew nothing about nothing

The first 3 years of our marriage was spent with me trying to overcome my preconceived notions about sex. I felt extremely self conscious (DH was experienced), and was so embarrassed by being naked (even though I was thin and tall). I was a major prude in the bedroom. I can safely say that we never learned how to please one another, IYKWIM.

The following 6 years were spent on countless IF testing, treatments, multiple miscarriages, etc. Once again our intimacy suffered....big time.

Then came along DD. A true blessing and what we wanted and worked so hard for, for so long. In my own twisted mind, I felt guilty if I didn't give DD 110% of my attention. I didn't allow time for anything else at all. She slept with us in the bed (still does occasionally) and basically consumed(s) my entire life.

Suddenly, I'm approaching 35 years old and I've realized that being a mom is what appears to define who I am. Sure I am a mother and it is a big part of who I am, but who I was, and who I wanted to become is gone.

My problem is that DH only sees me in my mommy role. Somehow the purpose of being married has disappeared. What's the point of being in a marriage if you can't enjoy the benefits of having a friend, companion and lover? I can be in full time mommy mode by myself. I don't need to be married for that part. In the almost 5 years of DD's life, DH & I have never been on a trip by ourselves. We have taken her everywhere we go. There has been no downtime for me (he gets his w/ friends, fishing, etc.). There has been no time or effort put into re-establishing the marriage and its purpose.

Fast forward to this past week - DH & I finally had an opportunity for a trip all by ourselves. We take DD to his parents and off we go to the beach. We were there Wed through today. The entire time there it was like we were newlyweds again. Granted, I had to do the majority of the initiating, but it worked We touched, kissed, cuddled, had adult conversation, had great sex and just existed as Jeff & Katie, like we used to. However, this morning as we were packing up and preparing to pick up DD his attitude completely changed. No more touching, kissing, making sexual inuendos, no nothing. He had begun seeing me in 'mommy mode'. I can't make him understand that I NEED his help in separating mommy from wife. I need time to be both. I need and want him to instigate intimacy. I want so badly to be desired. I dream of him making hints of the great sex we're going to have when DD goes down for the night. He doesn't. It's always me and then he tries to get out of it by saying he's too old, he can't keep up with me, I'm (me) in my prime, maybe I need two 20 year olds to take his place (he's kidding of course), blah, blah, blah.

True, I am entering my prime years (I totally feel that) and I do want 'it' a ton more. Example; I have gone to wanting it once a month to every day. Now I understand his state of shock at my desire, truly I do, but what man wouldn't eat that up? Take full advantage of it?!

He of course, thinks I'm being too sensitive and claims he doesn't understand my sudden increase in desire. Another example, this morning in bed, I wanted him to spoon me. I didn't necessarily have sex in mind, but a little messing around wouldn't have been bad. The second I placed his arm around me he immediately assumed I wanted to get it on. I mean, it was almost as though it would have been a chore and total compromise on his part if we had.

I don't know how to talk to him about this so that he will understand. We have always had a rock solid marriage. Never any doubts. And now, out of the blue, I don't recognize myself or our marriage. Please tell me this is normal. Please tell me this isn't the beginning of the end for us. I just need advice. I need someone to 'talk' to about this. Can anyone help me???