May Chatty Thread - Page 4

robin7361 · #25 (**permalink**) 05-07-2008, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by 2moms2be

I am so hoping they are mirror twins and I wonder when we will know if they are or not.

do they have any of the other common mirrored things--like their hair whorling in opposite directions or opposite fingerprints?

2moms2be · #26 (**permalink**) 05-07-2008, 07:15 PM

Their little fingers are so small not sure if I could tell. I look tomorrow and see if I can tell. Not sure about the hair...the back of their head is one of the ways I have learned that they are different. A has one whirl on the R and E has 2 in the center. Ill see tomorrow if they are going in differing directions. Thanks I didnt know about those things.

LauraH · #27 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 09:32 AM

I just have to vent a little bit - hope you don't mind. Carolyn, Caleb & I met with the probate judge this morning about the adoption. Everything went well and there were no problems - we have to get a bunch of info together and bring it back. I left there feeling like I was going to cry, but I couldn't figure out why. It took me awhile to figure it out, but to be honest, this whole thing really pisses me off. I know I should be grateful that I even have the opportunity to legally adopt, but I can't help feeling - Who the hell is this old white guy to have the right to tell me ifI can be my kids mom?! The fact that I have to get frickin' letters of recommendation from family and friends - it just makes me feel like...I don't know what it makes me feel like, but it just feels wrong. A note from my doctor?! Statements from his bio-grandparents?! Why do all these people get input on if I get to be a parent?! It's bad enough that I can't concieve on my own. I know people are going to write glowing letters but that's not the point. I guess the bottom line is that all of this make me feel even less like his "real" mom.

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2moms2be · #28 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 10:25 AM

Vent away. Thats what we are here for. It is really unfair and seems cruel doesn't it. I think I was as upset about the process as you are. I still feel resentment that we had to do all that work and pay $$$$s for something that straight people just take for granted. Im sorry.

A Squared · #29 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 11:35 AM

Laura, It IS terrible that we have to go through all this just to be officially recognized as the parents we already are. I am not looking forward to the process. What on earth is the reason for a letter from the doctor? My DP and I still have not started the process. I think we have been too overwhelmed with everything else, like parenting twins. We really should start the process, though.

Sorry about Caleb needing to be re-circed. Poor little fellow.

robin7361 · #30 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 01:18 PM

laura: i totally get what you're saying and i know we have it to "look forward to" too. however, my DP is adopted herself and so are all her siblings and i don't know if that gives me any different perspective at all, but lots of people in lots of situations have to go through the same thing--straight or gay or anywhere in between.

still, i know you know this and i know it's frustrating and upsetting. i don't mean to minimize your feelings, but also to perhaps lend weight to the part you said about how lucky we are to at least be able to go through the process. i have a friend in MI who is STILL (after 2 years) not able to legally adopt her daughter there.

hmph.

WannaBMom74 · #31 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 05:35 PM

wow Laura sorry to hear about poor Caleb having to be re circed and the Adoption thing is just wrong I can't believe you have to go through that I am very sorry to hear that I guess I am glad we live in Illinois we did not have to go through any of that it as more like a one day very expensive meeting the judge asked us a few questions and we were on our way . but just know no matter what you are Caleb's real mom you are the one who is there for him and taking care of him and no one should make you feel any less.

Patty- Mirror twins hmm that would be cool

hematite153 · #32 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 06:08 PM

Laura (and others): I'm sorry that you have to jump through so many hoops to get recognized as the parents that you so obviously are. It isn't right, I completely agree. Believe me, you are a real parent! Don't let the prejudice get you down.

Robin: Since you have yet to go through it...if you're up for a harder fight there may be a way to get your DP's name on the birth certificate. In Feb, the NY state court ruled that the long-standing federal requirement that foreign marriages involving US citizens must be recognized if they were legal in the foreign jurisdiction where they were performed is still valid. What this means is that same-sex couples married in Canada must be treated as married (and are considered legally married in NY state) and be given all of the associated benefits (including names on the birth certificate you're going to get). I don't know where you are...if you're in NY, you can take advantage of this ruling by visiting Canada (and getting married) before giving birth...if you're elsewhere, and willing to engage in a lengthy legal battle you can likely use this precedent as a jumping off point.

I am so sorry that you are all having these experiences.