Well I think the decision has been made to place the child we have custody of into the foster system. It has been 4 weeks and we have not seen any progress while she has been in the mental health facility. They gave me two choices today to either refuse to pick ehr up when the insurance says they won't pay and then they condiser that abandonment or to call DHS and find out about placements.
It sucks. Here we all are we want them. We were so happy when she joined our family and made sure that when we finally had our own IVF baby that she was treated as much like ours as possible. We did everything to make er feel apart of us. I even made her her own babybook when I was working on Zach's and now I am having to make the decision to place her out of my home. It hurts so much. I want her to come back I want her to be able to be in our home where we love and care for her. But at this point the facility has said that our insurance will only pay for another 60 days at most and she has been there 90. Even if she begins to show progesss they said that she will still be unsafe in our home to come back right away.
I placed the call to DHS today.They said that there is a program where the goal would be to place her in a residentail treatment facility, still involve us and they would have to have her well enough to return to our home within 1 yr or she wil be permenatly placed in the system.
I think that I have decided to have dh sent home on emergency leave from Iraq for 10 days. Only thing that sucks is that that would be his mid-tour leave. But I am not going to be the one who makes the decision, signs her over and have him blame me. This is something that has to be done and that is that. As much as I hate it. But dh is so blind to what is going on and she keep maniplutating him. He wants to give her the benifit of the doubt all the time. All we have done is fight over her and the whole situation for months. At this point it is tearing our marriage apart. He says he won't be angry w/ me if she has to go into foster care...but he feels so responsible for what his brother has done to her .... that I have a hard time believing that somewhere deep down he won't blame me and not really know why he hates me. Maybe unreal thinking but it's still how I feel. Plus if he thinks that I am going to tell her grandparents he has another thing coming. I have been dealing with them every week since she went in there. They always want to know how she is and all I can ever say is that things suck. She hates me, she doesn't follow the rules, is always in trouble and abusive to everyone. It hurts to tell them those things every week but I'm not going ot lie. Plus one of her grandma's told me two weeks ago that this is how she was when she was living at home oh and to add to it she told me that her stepdad said she would be like this when we had our baby just like she was when they had theirs. OK.... could someone not have told me these things when she came to live with us. WTF.
I never thought it would be like this. I never thought that it would be this hard. We took her to keep her out of the abusive home she was in and out of the system and here I am putting her in it.
But I know that it is the right thing. She continues the self harm, suicidal tendences and to abuse to staff and other children around her. She tries to run at least once a day to go back to the home she came from. How she thinks she's going to get 1200 miles when it is -4 out I don't know. Oh, that's right she doesn't care and isn't thinking.
Sorry for ranting. Not like I have anyone here to talk to. And not like I can pick up the phone and just call my dh. My friends have no idea how hard you have t work to have a baby and how fortunante they are. Here we have been blessed with her and Zach in one year. How lucky were we. And now it's such a mess. How could this all have happened. I just have to remember that we didn't do the damage we were just given her and had to deal with it and try to do what we can.
we are going backwards
I know this has been an incredibly hard decision for you. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and 
and that we are all here to listen any time you need to talk. I am glad to hear that your DH is coming home. He needs to help you through this.
