Visitation Happens.

mildlydelirious · #1 (**permalink**) 10-17-2007, 04:15 PM

After many fits, starts, bumps in the road and much waiting

we finally have the visitation schedule for Lilly and her aunt. We also have the Pre-Placement hearing date.

Tomorrow her aunt will come into town and around noon o'clock we will have to meet her and I will have to hand over Miss Lilly to visit her for two hours.

(Someone please tell me where it is written in the Big Book of Parenthood that this is a doable thing).

So, because knifing pain is never quite enough for CPS, I'll also have to do it again on Friday. At least on Saturday she will get to go with the supervisor and her aunt and her son, (Lilly's cousin), to the zoo. How about if we all say a little

that I don't end up "stalking"

them at the zoo all afternoon?

Sunday is a day off.

And Monday morning I am scheduled to meet with her for two hours without a supervisor. So far, only because they don't have anyone available to supervise.

She returns home Monday afternoon. I'll have a couple of days to breathe but the date we have been waiting for is FINALLY scheduled. We are looking at November 6 for the PPH. I thought I'd feel better knowing what date the hearing would be on. I was wrong.

~m

minerva78 · #2 (**permalink**) 10-17-2007, 04:56 PM

Wow, that's a lot to deal with in a short amount of time. I can't imagine how hard it will be for you to do let Lily go for this time with her aunt.

Hopefully the time will fly by and she'll be back to you before you know it! Forgive me for not knowing your story, but are these going to be regular visits with the aunt? Is the aunt wanting to be more involved in Lily's life?

Also, what exactly do they decide at the pre-placement hearing? Is this something the aunt will be involved in as well? Will this be putting you closer to adoption? Sorry for all the questions, I'm just really curious about everyone's situations.

nicoleb · #3 (**permalink**) 10-17-2007, 05:06 PM

Well crud. That just plain sucks. If it were me I would be in the elephant cage hiding out and watching.
I still hope and pray that the judge doesn't have his head up his you know where and does the right thing - in the interest of this child.

Hugs,
Nicole

mildlydelirious · #4 (**permalink**) 10-17-2007, 05:30 PM

Shavon,

Miss Lilly is a foster baby placed with us from birth. Her BPs and GPs did not pursue custody of her beyond the first month. So, we assumed this beautiful princess girl would be ours for life. As it turns out, she has an aunt in another state that decided at seven months old that she wanted to pursue custody so the state decided to help her do that.

It's all kind of nuts because it's taken this long to even get to the point where the state has recommended that she be placed with her distant family member. She is already 13 months and very, very bonded to me, my husband and my 4yo daughter.

So, because the state is recommending this, they are requiring that her aunt come and visit her. (hence the visitation post) And in November we will have a hearing (PPH) to decide if she should stay with us or move to her aunt's house.

That's the short version anyway.

I went into foster parenting knowing that the horror stories are actually really few, considering how many kids are in care. But, I guess I should have known that somehow, it would happen to me.

But, then again, this story is not over yet. I'm trying to believe with my whole heart and have true faith in God that the best for Lilly will happen for Lilly.

In the meantime I guess you'll find me hiding out in the elephant cage.

~m

mcweix · #5 (**permalink**) 10-17-2007, 06:56 PM

OMG Marian, I'll bring the binoculars and the fruit snacks for the stake out in the elephant cage kay! Here's what will happen...Lilly will HATE the Aunt, the supervisor will see this, cousin boy will be not nice about it either and supervisor will see and you will be sweet as pie to everyone(KWIM) Lilly will cling to her momma and the supervisor will see and Lilly WILL stay where she has belonged since birth...with you!

theluvof2moms · #6 (**permalink**) 10-18-2007, 04:16 AM

Ok, my emotions are not working right now but I would be using the I want to puke right now one.

Oh Marian, I just want to give you all a big old hug and then go plant my butt in the monkey cage since the elephant cage is already occupied.

I don't understand how there could be an unsupervised visit. That really puts you both in a perdicament, I'm sorry but can you refuse that? Call me crazy but what if the Aunt were to say something against you and then it is your word against hers. It just doesn't feel right to me. (I'm sorry I know you don't need another stinkin thing to worry about)

I am going to continue to pray for your family and that the court sees you all have built a very stable and loving family here and there is no need to break that up.

Please keep us posted and Marian I hope you find the strength to get through all of this. I know you will because you are a very strong women but just know you have a whole internet world sending you lots of strength.

Before, Lilly goes on her visit have a talk with her and tell her to scream and cry the whole time.

Big hugs!

JBB373 · #7 (**permalink**) 10-18-2007, 05:01 AM

I wish I had more time to post. . . but I just had to say

THAT SUCKS!

Did I read that right that they are "making" the aunt visit? If she was actually interested in pursuing custody shouldn't she be fighting tooth and nail for visits.

Thats way too many visits in such a short period of time and don't get me started on the supervision issue!

I hope this week goes fast and Lilly suffers no negative effects! If I was allowed to travel I would help stalk for you!

Hugs - my thoughts are with you and yours!

ruby1979 · #8 (**permalink**) 10-18-2007, 07:12 AM

Oh Marian I'm so sorry to hear that! What I can't understand is why the aunt is having unsupervised visits? Were these visits court ordered to be unsupervised? I know with my 2 foster babies the visits are always supervised and I don't leave until the person supervising is there. You just never know what could happen in those few moments!!!

I hope and I

that when Lilly cries her eyes out the supervisor sees what they are doing to her with these visits, though what scares me are the first 2 visits the aunt will be having without anyone there to supervise. What if Lilly cries her eyes out and the aunt can't calm her down, the what if's just kill me!

I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers and I hope that judge decides on placing Lilly with you permanently.

mildlydelirious · #9 (**permalink**) 10-18-2007, 08:37 AM

I must have written that badly. She will have supervision with our CPS worker for the first two visits. They want to "record" how the visitation goes.

I'm gearing up for the day now. I made Lilly lay in bed with me for an extra 10 minutes this morning, just so I could hold her close.

And the first thing Avery says to me this morning when she gets up is "Look! Lilly is still here!" I guess I've been talking a little bit much about Lilly maybe leaving us.

But, it's incredibly hard to get a 4yo to understand what might happen. Especially since it makes no sense!

~m

mcweix · #10 (**permalink**) 10-18-2007, 10:02 AM

I'll be waiting by the comp all day to see how it went, maybe I need a patience pill too!

ruby1979 · #11 (**permalink**) 10-18-2007, 12:56 PM

, I'll be waiting by my computer to for an update!

mildlydelirious · #12 (**permalink**) 10-18-2007, 09:22 PM

Wow, sorry it took me so long to get back here!

It was just horrible. Not that the experience itself was horrible. I brought her, she was doing fine, I left her. Avery and I went to McDonalds and then went and had the van washed. Then we picked her up and she missed us.

The horrible part was my imagining that this is what it would be like if we lose her. I really don't want to have to write a book called "Losing Lilly."

We have to go again tomorrow, but we have to meet the aunt and a supervisor at the mall. She wants to buy some clothes, etc. for Lilly. So, things are looking up folks because she apparently has not been shopping at the mall with a one-year-old lately.

I will seriously not stalk her at the mall tomorrow. REALLY! I will just go somewhere and have lunch with Avery again.

~m

mcweix · #13 (**permalink**) 10-19-2007, 04:32 AM

UGH, of all the weekends for me to leave town! Okay so the visit went OKAY......she returned Lilly and things are fine. UMMMMM why does she need clothes for Lilly? Is she leaving them at your house? I get back home on Sunday after the zoo stalking and will check in to see how it's going....good luck!

theluvof2moms · #14 (**permalink**) 10-19-2007, 04:50 AM

Marian,
I'm kinda at a lose for words for some reason. I mean I'm glad the visit went ok but it just made when so sad when I read Avery wakes up saying Look mom, Lilly's still here and then you saying your imagining losing her. It is just so sad. I mean I know this was a possibility but I really thought this aunt would fall to the side.

I hope Lilly really causes a big mess at the mall.

And of course Lilly missed you, was there ever a doubt in your mind.

Staciewi · #15 (**permalink**) 10-19-2007, 01:31 PM

ugg....

Marian, I just cant imagine the emotions you are going through right now.:thud

I am in tears and nothing has even happened yet!!!!

I think it was the title of your book!!!!

mildlydelirious · #16 (**permalink**) 10-19-2007, 11:20 PM

We made it through today! Only three more to go until she leaves town. Yea, yea, yea!

~m

BellyBellyBelly · #17 (**permalink**) 10-21-2007, 10:00 AM

Marian this is just breaking my heart I cannot even imagine how you are getting through this. I will be praying very hard that the book is called "Winning Lilly: a story of how the foster care system got it right."