venting about MIL...

SmittyJr · #1 (**permalink**) 07-30-2007, 06:06 PM

Okay, I hate to vent about my MIL, considering my in-laws are the most supportive family we have, they covered our first IVF and I could never ask for better family.... but my MIL is driving me nuts.

It started with IVF, she asked if she could share with the prayer group at our church, we said OK if she asked them in to do it in confidence... Well she told ALL our family and all her friends... the hardest part was all the "so sorry's" and sad looks we got when it didn't work over the last few weeks while we've been back home.

So, (not learning) we obviously have shared our adoption plan including mention of creating a photo journal...

Well this weekend, at my SIL's baby shower (they tried one time, not one month, had sex once unprotected) and she's 6 years younger... Anyhoo, I asked to get some pics of the new grandma's to be and with my SIL, my MIL ANNOUNCES to everyone, Teece needs to get a few photos for her photo journal, they need nice pictures for a photo journal so they can adopt a baby. WTF?! I was SOOOOO embarrassed. Not b/c we are adopting, but due to our circumstance AND because I didn't have a close relationship with ANYONE at the shower beyond a few aunts. NOT TO MENTION it was my SIL's BABY shower.

Grrr. I only get more upset about it every time I think about it. I just stood there in the middle of the shower with my head down and everyone looking at me, like "whaaa?". I wanted to run and hide and cry.

DH has offered to talk to her, explain a little thing called discretion and lt her know it really hurt me. I hate to make her feel bad, but she'll keep blabbing if she doesn't see how it's hurting us. I feel like a baby and like I'm overreacting, but it really hurt. I'm so happy about adoption, but we're still grieving our infertility...

Anyhoo thanks for letting me vent. Hopefully it will help me get over it quicker...

mk9906 · #2 (**permalink**) 07-30-2007, 06:22 PM

Hi when I saw your post about venting about an in law I just had to peek in this board and see what it was.

My story is not exactly the same but I can understand. In my case it's not a MIL (sadly DH's parents have both passed away) it's a SIL. We aren't pregnant yet and we have the nursery painted and the big furniture in there. There are two doors to the room. We locked them both so that no family members would see and get the wrong idea. My SIL came down for a week long visit and hadn't been in our house 10 minutes (LITERALLY) when she came in the kitchen and said (with tears in her eyes) "I saw the little room, are you trying to tell me something?" She apparently broke in.

Anyway.... (I'll skip the part that details the rage I had for the next 5 days!

) she has been incredibly disrespectful of our privacy regarding TTC and finally DH did speak to her about it. It did upset her very much and I feel bad about that. But ultimately...this is a huge part of your life that runs so deep in your hearts. If it hurts you to have it publicized and your MIL continues to do so, I think it needs to be addressed. I'm sure she's just excited and that's good, but the hurt of infertility doesn't *directly* affect her so she may not fully understand.

I'm sorry, hope it gets better.

Good luck with the adoption process!!

NY11 · #3 (**permalink**) 07-30-2007, 06:27 PM

It must be a mother in law thing! I have been having numerous issues with my mother in law lately. I did finally have DH call her and take care of business and it has been better.

I would suggest having your DH talk to them and explain how you are feeling. I know it helped me

Good Luck!
Cathy

amberl10 · #4 (**permalink**) 07-31-2007, 09:30 AM

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You have every right to be angry. I would feel bad too. It should only be your decision whether to tell people or not. It's not your MIL place to tell anyone. My MIL is the opposite. Since we started the adoption process she has not asked dh or I one single question about it. I'm not even sure if she knows we are doing domestic or international. She just doesn't ask so I don't bother to tell her anything. Everyone else in our family asks even in front of MIL but she still doesn't ask. Can't we just get MIL's who are in between??

bdunkadunk · #5 (**permalink**) 07-31-2007, 09:53 AM

I'm sorry. I guess her excitement leads to much indiscretion! Not cool!

My MIL is the opposite, she never says anything about the adoption, in fact I think she wishes we would just "try harder" to have "our own". My FIL is a bit better but still, they act like it's no big thing when it is the biggest thing.

Hang in there...

SmittyJr · #6 (**permalink**) 07-31-2007, 10:54 AM

I feel all your pain(s) girls! thanks for sharing your stories.

Like I said, I feel bad venting but I know you're all going through the same crap! So, I had to share.

hugs to you all

hopeful gal · #7 (**permalink**) 07-31-2007, 11:03 AM

I'm sorry your MIL did that

I would have been upset too

My MIL is a piece of work since we did IVF and I won't even tell her if we decide to adopt.

again I am very sorry

Janay

theluvof2moms · #8 (**permalink**) 07-31-2007, 11:28 AM

Smitty- I'm so sorry your MIL is being such a blabber mouth.

Lucky for me I don't have any IL issues because they have both passed away. Half the time it is my DP who goes blabbering to everyone. I will say, L I don't want anyone to know about this or that and then the next thing I know people at work know, friends know, family knows. AHH, it drives me freaking insane. I try telling her how much it bothers me when she does this and then she just turns it around to being about her and her needing to talk to someone. Hello!!! That is what I am for, that is why you go to therapy.

Ok, sorry I think I hijacked your vent!!! Just know I can understand were you are coming from.

mildlydelirious · #9 (**permalink**) 08-01-2007, 08:30 AM

Oh boy do I know about MILs. Sorry yours is being so insensitive.

Mine has the start of alzheimers so that's not so much fun either.

~m

ekchild · #10 (**permalink**) 08-09-2007, 07:43 AM

sorry about your mil, thankfully mine is not bad, she is actually supportive and now that we are adopting she always asked if she can tell someone about it before she does, i think it is easier if less people know just because if it does not work out that is less people to explain to .
good luck to all