update

angie33 · #1 (**permalink**) 12-10-2007, 04:32 AM

Well, it looks like we won't be getting those 3 children after all. We were upset, but we knew it was a long shot b/c we haven't taken a single class, nor had we even started a homestudy.

HOWEVER, I did call that case worker on a day she was taking off, on her cell phone at 8:30 a.m.! And that's when we learned they'd been taken out of grandma's home the night before. BUT--she begged me, please take the classes, they start next month, we are in a severe parent crunch and need your help. She went through the process w/ me over the phone and added that they've had a record amount of newborns/infants come through the system in the last 6 months. I was sold, but I told dh and he said he'd think about it. He never wanted me to foster b/c I get so attached to children so quickly....to a fault. He didn't want to see me get my heart broke every time they went away.

I also didn't know you could foster only, foster to adopt or just adopt the children in the system. Hmm..who knew? AND I also didn't know the state pays for the homestudy and the lawyers fees if you choose to adopt.?????

Well, that's it, sorry so long.

I am thinking seriously of doing this if dh is on board.......while saving money for IVF. Nothing wrong with a blended family is there? lol

What do you ladies think?

theluvof2moms · #2 (**permalink**) 12-10-2007, 05:17 AM

I say go for it. I hope dh jumps on board soon.

Keep us posted!

mcweix · #3 (**permalink**) 12-10-2007, 05:41 AM

Angie, I am sooo excited for you. Dh will get on board and soon you'll be sharing with us your whole process!

JBB373 · #4 (**permalink**) 12-10-2007, 06:10 AM

Angie,

Sorry you didn't get the sibling group. I had the opposite situation occur it was my DH that was sold and he had to convince me! I was totally going down the road for domestic adoption had completed all the paperwork made appointments with agencies to get the homestudy completed, started the paperchase etc. Fortunately most the paperwork were similar. He convince me that this was the only way we could do both IVF and adoption - money wise. Now I have the little one in my siggie and the sib group (also in my siggie). I never thought my house would be so full in the course of the year! I totally agree that a mixed group is great and plan on continuing down this road. The need for parents is overwhelming we had 25 kids in and out of house this year mostly emergency placements on weekends where the kiddos could go home or to a relative within a few hours. I think it has been a really good experience (although frustrating at times) especially for my oldest DS to understand that not all kids come from the same kind of home as he does. Hopefully, your DH and you can come to an agreement. We are licensed for foster care and foster adopt. Another thing you may want to consider is to go through the process with the state - you can always buy your homestudy from the state later - you will meet all sort of great people and you can get your comfort zone up by being respite providers at first and become more involve when both of your comfort levels go up. I have been using respite this month as I have recovered from giving birth while my dh was traveling throughout the country. It was life saving knowing that "my" kiddos were in a safe loving home for a couple days.

Ok I'm done babbling - let me know if you have questions about the process.

ruby1979 · #5 (**permalink**) 12-10-2007, 07:54 AM

Angie I would also have to say go for it! Hopefully dh jumps on board.

In our situation like Jenn dh had to convince me! I was afraid of getting attached to the little ones and then having to deal with the pain after they leave. But after many months of thinking things over I decided to jump aboard and I don't regret it for one minute. Now that I have 2 little ones in the house and have 1 of them going home in a couple of months I realize that I've given mom and dad a chance to get better and at the same time shown this little one what unconditional love feels like! I've also created a bond with mom and dad and seen what caused them down this road and now that I see they are better I couldn't imagine have our little one longer away from them. They love her just as much as we do and we look forward to visits, letter, pictures and etc... after she goes home.

Good luck & keep us posted.

mildlydelirious · #6 (**permalink**) 12-10-2007, 10:17 AM

It can be the most rewarding thing you've ever done.

I of course have had to experience the disrupted adoption part of it, but don't let my experience jade your thinking.

I hope DH can see how good a thing this can be.

Keep us updated on how you are doing!

~m

angie33 · #7 (**permalink**) 12-10-2007, 12:19 PM

Girls, thanks so much for all your support!! I truly appreciate the help, I feel much more confident now that I have an inside track...lol

As for dh, he was totally ready to take on those three small kids. But he is afraid. Heck, so am I! But I think his biggest fear is seeing me hurt. I know I would probably get attached but if I do a little self talk (as my mom says) and go into it with the right attitude, then I know it would be very rewarding.

I also think that dh doesn't trust the system, in March we lost our custody battle for dsd, whose mother is a drug addict/alcoholic w/ a convicted felon boyfriend she lives with. We had tons of evidence including her admission on the stand. But she would refuse to admit to meth use (she clearly is a user of meth btw)so the judge decided pot/alchohol were minor offenses. He feels as if the state let him down both times he tried to get his daughter. But that's a whole other drama.

The case worker is sending me a packet of information and forms to fill out. I am getting excited!

*Mely1015*/Melissa · #8 (**permalink**) 12-10-2007, 02:20 PM

Angie, I hope that dh jumps right in...he will just give him some time!

leanrog · #9 (**permalink**) 12-17-2007, 05:27 PM

Sorry I'm late jumping in but I just wanted to say that I think you should go for it! When I first started talking to dh about adoption he wasn't really on board with it and I just prayed that if it was God's will that he would come around and now he is the one that is so excited about it and researching all the time. He totally can't wait to go get our little girl from Vietnam

I will say that I understand the reservations about becoming attached and then having to give them up. I personally don't know if my heart could take it so that is why we are going with international adoption. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!