Could someone give me their thoughts on how difficult it would be to find one's bparents? I'm 24 and for some reason, I'd like to find out who my birth parents are. I do know that in North Carolina (where I live), it's extremely difficult, but I just don't know...

I guess I'm just thinking out loud here

Thoughts?

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I think it depends a lot on where you are, the nature of your adoption, when you were adopted and whether your bparents are also looking for you.

My mother found her birthfamily when she was 53 about 3-5 years after she started looking. (I'm not really sure when she started looking, but I think she was in her early 40s when she first THOUGHT about looking.) In her case the search was challenging and ultimately succeeded because her bfather had been in the armed forces. But, she has a biological nephew that was also placed for adoption and he found the same family really quickly. Ironically, she seems to now have a good relationship with them whereas he ended up cutting off contact.

My biggest piece of advice would be to do some research and thinking about it before proceeding. Make sure you are ready for the answers you might get. (Most people think this means to be ready for bad news, but, I mean you need to be ready for ALL possibilities. My mother was convinced that she would find a drug addicted person who had never wanted her. She still has trouble integrating the fact that she found a reasonably healthy family that loves her dearly, prayed for her daily and is thrilled to have her in their lives.)

I began "looking" when I was 18, but it became emotionally overwhelming, so I stopped.

I do have a basic background: bmom and bdad were married, but had troubles and thought about splitting up. I was conceived one night when they made an attempt at reconciliation. I think I was conceived around Valentine's Day bc my birthday is almost 9 months to the day.

I know my biological health records are very good. No heart problems in the family history at all. I also know bmom was 5'2 and bdad was 5'6, so I'm actually taller than both (I'm 5'7).

My real mom is supportive of me. She and I talk about my bfamily every now and then. Daddy doesn't like to talk about it, he doesn't understand why I'd want to know about my bparents. Mom's dad was killed when she was 2 (freak farming accident), so she understands my curiosity.

I think the only thing I really want to know is what they look like. I want to know who I take after, and who in my bfamily has had issues that I've been dealing with.


It's funny, but I don't think I'd want to meet them, I just would really like to see a picture or something, you know?

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I wonder about what my daughter is going to want to know. But for us it is going to be much easier. We are going to have contact with her bfamily in the form of her aunt that is adopting our first foster daughter, Lilly. Her aunt and I intend to make sure these two girls grow up knowing each other. Olivia will be able to see her birth family when she is older and she will be able to choose to build or not build a relationship with them.

I think finding your birth family is possible but it can be really difficult if your bfamily does not want to be found. KWIM? I have an adopted cousin (42yo) that put her name on the state registry to be found when she turned 18. No one has ever come looking for her. But she is okay with that. I think she mostly put her name there in case they needed to find her, not the other way around.

When my daughter was born (anonymous donor eggs) I took a picture of her into the clinic to be put in her file in case her DNA donor wanted to see what she looked like. I am not very interested in the donor meeting my daughter at this time though. It would be way too confusing for her. Although, I am open to them meeting when Avery is of an age to meet her. It will be up to both of them.

I hope you are able to at least find some info and hopefully some pictures of your birth family Jessica. Wishing you luck in your search.


~m

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I don't have any idea, but want it wish you

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HI Jessica,
I think everyone gave some good advice. I would saybe prepared for anything that may come and really think about what you want to get out of this potential meeting (which it sounds like you have started to do).

As far as how hard it would be to find them, if you have a name and birthdays of atleast one parent I think you could do it. I think it is pretty easy to find anyone as long as they aren't trying to not be found. Good Luck and I would love to hear all about your journey.

Not to steal your thread but confession time on my part. When I first started this process I was so close minded about the birthparents having any part of my life and this babies life (totally scared the child would love them mopre then me)now as time has goes on I have opened up to the idea and am really excited that the little girl I have been matched with will hopefully get to have a relationship with birthmom. We have been given so much information on the bmom already and it is just exciting to think of that.

Anyway- Good Luck keep giving dad love and support I'm sure he might feel the same threat I used to feel.

Kristine

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Hi,
I am adopted and searched for my birthparents after suffering some pregnancy losses to try and find out some medical information out.

Be prepared for a HUGE rollercoaster ride. In the end, I paid the huge fee and got nothing as my birthmom refuses to acknowledge my existence, but that is her loss. That is a pretty rare thing to happen.

Hope your search goes well.

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Nicole (36)
DH (33)
DS Chandler (13)
DD Bailey (12)
DS Ryan (1)

5 Angel Babies watching over our family!



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Well here is what I can share. I've been mulling over whether to or not but have decided to.

I am half/adopted. My mom and sperm donor were married very young and later she remarried my dad who adopted me. I thank God everyday for the family I was blessed with. I know that I have 2 half sister's on that side of the family.

On my 21st birthday, after alot of thought, I had a friend contact my bio-dad for me in hopes we would meet. He flat out turned it down and wrote me a short note saying he had written me out of his life 17 years ago. And that I should leave him alone.

A few months after my DD was born I received a call at my work from a gal inquiring on if I knew I was adopted and did I know I had 3 sisters? I took her number and later went on to have a short phone relationship with her. It seems my bio-dad adopted a girl my age from his new wife's previous marraige. In short I was replaced. None of these girls have a great relationship with their dad, they are all estranged so I know it wasn't just me. I think there are underlying issues there.

I do have an availabilty to contact these girls but the relationship has been hard going. I am happy with the family I have and don't have anything more than friendship to offer them and they want more than I can give right now. They want the sister they always dreamed I would/could be.

Sometimes it is hard to seperate what we have dreamed up in our heads and hearts from what is fact. In my mind my bio-dad would hold me an tell me how deperatly he missed me all these years but knew he did what was best for me. In real life, he has done what is best for him(and I guess for me too) without giving me a second thought. It was not what I was prepaired for. I always thought I would jump at the chance for 2 sisters but upon finding I had three.....if felt I was betraying my brother by building a relationship with them.

I hope you find the answers you seek. I know that myself, having this knowledge has been powerful for me. I don't wonder and worry anymore. I don't look at strangers faces and wonder. I have a great sense of who I am and where I am from. My bio-family gave me the freedom to live my life without the invisible strings holding me back. I won't say the process wasn't painful, it was the most hurtfull time of my life. But a part of me was always missing and it' not anymore, I found what I searched for and fnally feel whole for the first time in my life!

Good luck!

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