Our adoption story!
I will say that writing it after almost 4 years really changes things! For one thing, a lot of it is a blur! But that's probably a good thing, right??
Our path to parenthood started out pretty normally -- we decided to start a family and within 2 months had a positive test. But days later it ended in early m/c and we were back at square one. Tried again and after what seemed like forever (but was only 4 months), we were pg again! This time it seemed to be going ok, betas were normal (actually quite high), and u/s at 6 weeks was good. But u/s at 8 weeks showed twins with no heartbeats, and I had a d & c the week of Mother's Day in 2001. We were devastated. My ob/gyn wanted to refer us to an IF specialist so that we wouldn't have another loss....I've always wondered if it was the right decision in the end.
We had to wait 3 months to get in for our 1st appointment, and then it all started to be so depressing! Every test came back normal, but every treatment cycle was unusual, with things like multiple, multiple mature follicles, OHSS, cancelled cycles, giant cysts that required birth control pills for 2 months. It was awful. And, of course, no pregnancy for our troubles.
We were in tx for 9 months and then took a couple of cycles off. We had started talking about adoption and had started to research agencies, types of adoption, etc. We decided to ttc on a natural cycle. I thought I saw a shadow of a line on the pg test, beta was 4 and dropped to 0. I'm convinced that it was our 3rd m/c, although kick myself for even testing.
The next month we attended an orientation session at a small, local adoption agency. It was terrifying! They sounded terrified of international adoption, and they were the agency! They talked about "strapping money on your body to fly overseas" and the corruption involved in Russia and Eastern Europe. They talked about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and how at least with domestic adoption you knew a bit more about the circumstances. A few days later we called back and inquired about the domestic adoption programs and were told that the waiting list for the orientation session was almost a year long. Just to find out if you were interested. We almost ran screaming back to the RE.
That week my dh saw our agency on the internet (we had found it through Adoptive Families Magazine). He called me at work and told me the website. On the front page was a boy from Russia and he said "he looks just like me when I was that age."
Strangely, I had been positive that the only place I was not willing to adopt from was Russia. I had known all of one couple that had adopted from Russia (10 years ago, so not at all similar in process.) The baby had FAS and they didn't know it until afterwards. Then the comments from the local agency. All together it made Russia seem pretty scary. Until my dh saw that picture.
The next orientation session was only a couple of weeks away so we signed up. A couple presented that had adopted a 2 year old daughter from Russia and we thought "if they could do it, we can too." That was it. We were hooked, we were sold. It seemed so possible. A family waited for us in Russia, and we were 100% sure of that. The weight of the world suddenly lifted off my shoulders, and I became ME again. (I know you will understand what I mean.)
To me now, the homestudy and dossier process was sort of fun. We met with our SW a few times, cleaned our house like madmen, invited her over for coffee and cookies.
I'm an administrator and control freak -- paperwork is my forte! I had an expandable file and had numbered tags with labels for each document we needed, and enthusiastically (obsessively?) pursued and obtained each one, then celebrated for every completed task!
The only difficult part was the deciding on ages and health status of our baby. It is very difficult to check off that list and say "no" to potential health problems. But our SW reminded us that adoption isn't about saving a child, but forming a family. And as new parents, we might not necessarily be capable of handling a special needs child. We did agree that we were open to siblings, and carefully worded our dossier requirements to say "seeking to adopt one infant ages 0-12 months at age of referral with or without a sibling 0-36 months at age of referral." But we were positive we'd end up with one infant. Probably a boy. Ha!
We sent our dossier to the agency on February 4, 2003, and popped a bottle of Dom Perignon when they called us the next day to say it was complete and would be sent to Russia the next Monday.
We were just settling into our post-paperchase bliss when the agency called and asked if we'd be interested in looking at some waiting sibling groups. I hesitantly said yes. The first two referrals were not for us -- 8 and 9 year old sibling girls; 5 year old twin boys. But then the email came -- what about 16 month and 4 1/2 year old sibling girls? My first instinct was to say no; they also suggested some serious delay issues with the baby and obviously a big language issue; another family had backed out of the referral, so clearly there was a problem. Not what we asked for.....we should wait. But my dh couldn't get their faces out of his head, and wanted more information.
As it turns out, the delay issue was insignificant, and the other couple found out they were pregnant, so that is why they very relutantly backed out of the adoption. After a long weekend of soul searching, we said yes -- please consider us. We knew there were 6 other couples that were willing to take siblings, and we didn't know if they'd contacted them all. After our long hours of soul-searching, we didn't know if we'd be chosen.
I waited at work all day for the call....and finally it came --- we were matched. This was our family.
I think my co-workers cried hardest of all.
We frantically got to work. We already had a crib set up, but holy cow....we had an older daughter to prepare for too! My mom "commissioned" a quilt to match the colors of the infant bedding we had chosen. We bought a twin bed and started asking all our friends and family what else we'd need! Help!!
Four weeks later we got the travel call -- one week's notice! We jumped on a plane in JFK and crawled out in Russia 10 hours later. In retrospect I'm amazed I made it without a meltdown. The next morning we met the girls for the first time. Thankfully we have it on videotape or I'm sure it would seem like a dream (that fuzzy sort of memory). It was overwhelming but awesome. We were transported all around Moscow for 4 days and then thrown back on a plane and sent home. (Actually, my sister's wedding was the day after we landed, so we got to share all our details with our entire extended family!) We were so tired but it was so awesome.
Five weeks later we got the 2nd call on a Tuesday -- what are you doing Friday?? We frantically arranged for house sitters, dog sitters, and got back on that plane. This time we were in Russia for 8 days and couldn't wait to get home, especially once we took custody off these two children and were living in a tiny hotel room. We were completely out of our element and knew that if we were home, at least we'd feel more adept at being parents!
I emailed our family daily from both our trips, and my mom saved them and put them in a scrapbook for me -- it wasn't my intent to "blog" our trip but we're so glad to have them. I cried at the US Embassy. I cried when the plane touched down and the Customs Officer said "welcome to the US" as he ripped open the Embassy documents that enabled our girls to be citizens when they passed that point. We were home!
Luckily, the next couple of months are a blur to me, too! It was hard being instant parents of 2 girls! But at the time it seemed normal, and somehow it just all worked out. Fast forward 4 years......we are just a typical family. The girls are in 3rd grade and Kindergarten. We struggle with homework, chores....just like everyone else. But we also have a special relationship, too. We tell the girls "we wanted to have a family and you needed a mom and dad. We didn't know where to find you, so we found people to help us look for you and finally they found you in Russia. And we became a family."
For us, adoption was an easy choice, but it was scary. We didn't know what would happen, and that was the hard part. It felt like jumping off a building and hoping wings would appear. And they did!
Our referral pictures:
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/4...6108QcuHDNyxaO
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/4...5108QcuHDNyxaO
Meeting the girls:
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/4...6108QcuHDNyxaO
Our first family picture (April, 2003):
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/4...5108QcuHDNyxaO
Halloween 2006:
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/4...6108QcuHDNyxaO
Christmas 2006:
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/4...5108QcuHDNyxaO
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