Random questions...

angie33 · #1 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 05:06 AM

that I will probably learn later but am curious about now....lol

During your homestudy, did they go check out every room in your house? We remodel one room at a time, and it's not done yet. My in laws are famous for leaving just a few little things untouched, so we're going back and finishing things up. And we have lots of organizing to do. But I didn't know if they look in your cabinets or anything. (I know this must sound silly!) haha

Also, what are things I need to have? My friend says a fire extinguisher (just bought one Saturday) carbon monoxide detector, smoke alarm, etc. She also said they'll ask about life insurance, big gasp-I have none yet. I was single for so long and a waitress making no cash, wasn't high up on the priority list. I know, I feel terrible but we are getting some for me, It's just not something that's in the front of my mind with everything else going on. Is there anything else? Of course we'll have locks on the cabinets and outlet covers, I have a few, but need to go get more. I bought them when we got a new babysitter and she had a 7 month old she would bring with her to watch dsd.

And this is a big one....do you think it matters that we fought for custody of dsd last March (and he tried to gain custody during the divorce) and lost both times? They couldn't find a single fault with his/our parenting, and her mother is (I swear) an addict who lives w/ an alchoholic felon but our guardian ad litem was completely worthless and didn't do anything he was supposed to do to prepare for trial. We had the best lawyer money could buy too. I just don't want that coming back to haunt us.

Wow, I just realized how long this was and I'm sorry to ramble. Just nervous energy coming out I guess.

If anyone could help me out on this I would appreciate it. I am diving into the unknown here! lol

Thanks!

theluvof2moms · #2 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 05:30 AM

I think we can all understand the nervous energy party of things.

The homestudy can be so scarie because you just don't know each social worker is so different.

I would not worry if a room or two is under construction, I would just tell them. My social worker did not go from room to room, she looked in my living room, dining room and backyard. I think the bathroom too but only because she had to go potty. Now we had to bring in a home inspector and the fire department for inspection so they went through the whole house and looked for safety concerns and stuff like that. Fire wanted things away from the windows, ladders to any windows on a second floor, fire extinguisher and working smoke and co2 detectors. Home inspector checked for specific door locks, clear walk ways, working electrical outlets and stuff like that. We had to replace all of our deadblots and then he passed us. We have the kind of deadbolts that use a key on the inside of the house and they require you have the knob on the inside which really is not safe when protecting your house from burglers so it was really dumb if you ask me.

I think we had to have life insurance also but you can get a basic plan it does not have to be for hundreds of thousands of dollars.

We had to have physicals for our health and backround checks and stuff.

I'm sorry but I can not speak to the custody issues you may want to call and speak with a social worker in your area who deals with the adoption stuff I bet they will be able to tell you what to expect.

Hope this was a little helpful.

Kristine

mildlydelirious · #3 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 07:02 AM

to what Kristine said. They did check my bedrooms to see where baby was going to be sleeping and if I was ready (had space) for her. Your worker should be giving you a list of the safety concerns that you need to cover. In our case our state inspector just came out and did all of the safety/house issues at one time. Also, in our case, I think because we are state licensed, we had to have our medicines in an actual locking cabinet. That meant putting the magnetic tot-locks on the medicine cupboard and we also put them on the kitchen under-sink area. Regular tot-locks were not good enough.

If you have animals they may require current shot records, etc.

I can't remember what else...

About the custody battle, I would just tell them up front and tell them what happened. Just because you lost, doesn't make you bad parents. The courts have been known to error on these things (just a few thousand times or so). I don't think that should be a stumbling block at all. It is pretty common to place kids with their birthmother, regardless of whether that is the best placement or not.

Just remember you are not alone! A bunch of us here have been through the homestudy and we actually survived it.

And remember, the SW wants you to do well.

~m

JBB373 · #4 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 08:22 AM

In my experience it so depends on the SW and state regs. I used to frequent a very active national foster-adoption board (talk about drama) and subsequently learned about many different states procedures. In NM we aren't required to have a fire safety inspection and to be quite frank the home inspection part was less then 2 minutes - more like what you would expect when you are showing a friend your house. Althouogh I was prepared for pretty much anything she did not check out our safety locks, where the medicines where kept, or even asked to see the fire extinguisher. She briefly walked through the house - saw the bedrooms bathrooms etc spending no more than 10 seconds in each room. Our placement worker that we got after we were homestudy approved made a comment that she was glad to see that we already had a net on our trampoline otherwise she would have to make us get on. They never did check out if the hottub was secured. I know from the aforementioned board that some states are really strict in terms of Homestudy approvals making one family place their knives in a high locking cabinet that the mom couldn't reach and required her 6 foot plus teenage placement to get down for her (some things don't make sense - but there is a box that needs to be checked). Just remember if they find something they will just ask you fix it or provide it as the case may be. Its not like one strike and your out. The social worker needs families regardless of what type of agency they work for. As long as there is a safe bed for the child they don't really care about remodels.

I agree with Marian - just tell them the situation regarding the custody situation as long as your DH wasn't labeled an unfit parent or had the state remove his child I don't think they will even bat an eye over the court proceedings.

angie33 · #5 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 10:43 AM

Thanks ladies! No, the state didn't have one thing on dh or I except for we're not her biological mother. Without going into all the gory details, she admitted everything but one on the stand, and still won. I don't believe that there is anything that would make them uncomfortable but when you hear he lost twice, it sounds bad, IMO. It is nothing more than the old rule that the mom gets the kids.

You guys have helped me so much with all of your experiences/insight. I do appreciate it. I just want to be ready for anything!

Who knows what kind of path we will go down, but I know I have help for whatever comes my way and it feels good to know that. You guys are my security blanket! lol

Have a great day everyone and I am off to call the case worker to have her send me the forms. Woohoo!

Oh I almost forgot....did any of your agencies make you sign an affidavit saying you would stop all IF treatments if you adopted? I know it would be different going through Family Services, but I have heard that some agencies do this. The one we looked a few years was like that and dh said we were in no way going with them, b/c it's no one's decision to stop treatments other than our own and no agency has the right to ask. I have to say, I agree! Is this normal??

JBB373 · #6 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 11:29 AM

Even the state here won't let us adopt if we find out we are pregnant - they made us sign something saying we would have to notify them which would automatically disrupt any adoption and we wouldn't be able for one full year after.

We found out we were pregnant right when got approved and I did not mention my pregnancy to any state workers - I don't get very big - so they were very suprised when we made arrangements for respite when I got induced.

But no, they did not make us sign something saying that we wouldn't pursue any IF treatments. The reasoning that many agency do is that it disrupts many adoptions where people decide they want a non-bio baby when they can have their own. My DH and I just figure that we would gladly take both!

I do agree that they don't have the right to ask you not to pursue IF treatment.

JBB373 · #7 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 11:33 AM

Oh and I found out the policy only truely applies if you are in the processing of adopting. In our case our foster kiddos aren't eligible for adoption as the goal is reunification so it wouldn't matter in this situation. Additionally even they become eligible we won't have to wait for Jarrett to reach his 1st birthday since the kiddos didn't have adoption status during my pregnancy. Nice loophole - huh?

mildlydelirious · #8 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 02:08 PM

As an aside to that, in our state the kids need to be at least eight-nine months apart in age for the adoption people to approve you. So, if you have a bio, they wouldn't place with you until the baby is eight-nine months old.

But, that's just here, I have no idea what your state would do.

I have had an agency tell me that I could no longer pursue treatment if I was going to adopt through them. The theory is that if you are still pursuing treatment you are not reconciled to adoption and therefore, not ready to go the distance and likely to disrupt, therefore, not a good candidate.

Fun, fun, fun! Let the races begin....

~m

*Mely1015*/Melissa · #9 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 02:23 PM

to the agency that we went on monday. They mention for those that were dealing or had deal in the past with IF that you should use birth control b/c in so many cases some people had got pregnant and then don't want to finish the process. So they like to deal with people that are 100% sure about adoption. I wont use any birth control b/c I don't care if I get pregnant I still want to adopt...and I don't think that I will get pg anyways...only if God send me a miracle

angie33 · #10 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 02:34 PM

Ya know...I've been thinking about this long and hard, I would want the adopted baby AND the bio baby! The more the merrier I always say!

Hmmph...silly rules!

nicoleb · #11 (**permalink**) 12-12-2007, 06:25 PM

All the ladies had such good advice. I agree about the rule about being pregnant is weird, but I have found all this stuff to be weird in it's own way...LOL!

Good luck.

Nicole

ruby1979 · #12 (**permalink**) 12-13-2007, 11:27 AM

Angie, just wanted to wish you good luck

! Though I will admit that no one ever mentioned to us about not being able to adopt if we came out pregnant, this is something I'm going to have to ask my agency about.

leanrog · #13 (**permalink**) 12-17-2007, 05:00 PM

Just wanted to wish you good luck with your homestudy visit! I had mine last friday and it wasn't bad at all. She did check out all the rooms but she didn't make us already have outlet covers and gates up yet.

I know someone had told me that I might be told I couldn't do IF treatments while trying to adopt but my agency never said anything about it. We won't do any IF treatments during our adoption process anyway but I sure won't be going on bcp. I would definately still want to continue my adoption even if I get pregnant.