Oh just some more rambling....

theluvof2moms · #1 (**permalink**) 03-28-2007, 04:52 AM

So this week has felt like a bit of a roller coaster for me with the emotions of adoption.

It started on friday when I went to get my hair cut. My hairdresser H is from Vietnam. So she was cuting my hair and wanted to know why I wasn't at work and I told her I left my job because we are adopting I want to stay home with the baby when it gets here. First thing she says, "Oh why you adopting biological is better, you'll know the genetics" I said well I have always wanted to adopt and I am unable to have children do to fertility problems. Then she goes on to tell me don't leave country before making sure that baby is healthy you don't want to have all those medical bills for a sick kid. I was so floored I just could not believe my ears. I mean she just went on and on and I was trying in a very nice manner explain things to her since she was obviously very uneducated when it comes to adoption. Then at the very end she goes well I guess if you can't have your own then adoption is an ok choice. ARRGG!!!! So that was the first time anyone has voiced their opinions in a non positive manner towards adoption to me. After being pretty upset I have decided it was a learning lesson for me to keep my cool, and take the time to educate people.

Then last night I was at my agency because I am helping them with a fundraiser in October. Well we asked for a little girl for our referral and they keep telling us it will be a little longer wait for that. Our letter they sent us said 6-9 month wait but I was talking to the social worker last night and she said like a 22 month wait. OH MY GOD!! are you freakin kidding me? No she is not. So the director is in Vietnam right now trying to figure out were all the girls are because that is just crazy. So I called L on the way home ad once our director gets back we'll set a meeting with her to get some facts and we may accept a referral for a boy if it really is a 22 month wait. I would like to have either I don't really like that agencies give a choice anyway but L on the other hand would really like a daughter. So this will be a little bit of a disappointment for L.

Then to top it off this weekend I have a funeral to go to and my mom and dad will be there now mind you I have not had any positive interaction with my parents in 4 years. Oy vey!!! This should be fun--- I don't like conflict so I know I can be on my best behavior but I'm not so sre about them....

Ok this got to be very long. Thanks for letting me vent!!!

theluvof2moms · #2 (**permalink**) 03-28-2007, 04:56 AM

Ok, I'm rereading my post and I have a ton of grammer errors. Sorry I'll do better next time!

JBB373 · #3 (**permalink**) 03-28-2007, 06:07 AM

Kristine - Don't let others get you down. People love to tell you horror stories about lots of stuff - which is usually based on myth rather than fact or personal experience. It is human nature to hear something that you think is plausible and decide therefore its the truth based on the one thing you hear about it and then tell others. Kinda like the kids game of telephone by the time it gets around the circle its nothing like how it started.

You have done your research, your decision is based in fact, you are aware of pros and cons, don't let other peoples negatvity get to you. Adoption is obviously not a choice for them. I don't know if you believe in a higher fate but their is that saying "God doesn't hand you what you can't handle" meaning your hairdresser wasn't called to adoption like you have been. I don't believe that adoption is a 2nd choice and its yours and Lou choice to go down this road.

I have heard negative things about adoptions for many years when I voiced my opinion (my you my opinion) that I wish that many of the girls that couldn't raise their children for whatever reason did not chose abortion or to parent rather go through the road of adoption and voluntary term. their rights. Of course this opinion has only gotten stronger being exposed to the broken foster system that I have encounter so far . . . You are a better person than I for choosing to educate rather than me whom has chosen to remain silent.

Your child whether it turns out to be boy or girl will be coming to you. If it takes longer then you can just consider yourself an elephant they have about that long of a gest. period. I know the wait is the hardest part in the meantime it sounds like you are becoming such a strong advocate and educator on the subject of adoption.

I hope peace is kept between your parentals.

Typos - this forum isn't a graded assignment - your point has come across and that is the most important thing. Of course I'm the Queen of Typos and misspellings, so take it for what it is worth.

have a good one!

mildlydelirious · #4 (**permalink**) 03-28-2007, 11:06 AM

with everything Jen has said! People just don't "get it." They have no idea of which they speak. I even had my psychiatrist tell me not to be a foster parent because I didn't know what kind of genes I'd be bringing into my life! WHAT an idiot. So, even well educated people can be uneducated about the subject of love.

Don't let 'em get you down. You will run into more people like her. Congratulations for speaking and educating.

I tend to do that too.

Sorry you've had issues with your parents for so long.

Hope the whole funeral experience isn't just terrible.

Bad enough to have to go to a funeral! Hope it doesn't turn into anything ugly with the parental units.

I didn't see anything wrong with your post. Jen said she is the queen of typos, but I've had that position for so long now I think she is only a princess.

We're here to talk. Not worry about spelling and grammar!

Love ya...

~m

amberl10 · #5 (**permalink**) 03-28-2007, 06:02 PM

Sending you tons of hugs. I know people just don't get it. It doesn't make sense. One of my "best friends" emailed after I told him we were adopting and his response was "oh so you can't have children of your own" I was floored, is he saying when we adopt he/she won't be "our own". People don't understand.

I know how you feel about the wait too. We aren't even given an estimate, all they say is they can't tell how long it will be, it all depends on how many birthmoms, situations, etc. I hate this wait and we're only on 3 months.

Adriane Isaac · #6 (**permalink**) 03-28-2007, 08:50 PM

wow. First off the hairdresser thing was harsh. Too bad you font live by me or I would do your hair (i am a stylist) and I would be egging you on to do it...
he .he. Man how rude. Personally I would have told her to can it

LOL.
Best of luck to you!

Adriane

theluvof2moms · #7 (**permalink**) 03-29-2007, 06:01 AM

Hi Girls! Thanks so much for lifting me up---yesterday was really like one big pity party for me. Luckily I don't have those days very often.

Jenn- You really had me smiling with the elephant gestation.

Marian- I can not believe your psychiatrist made that comment. I probably would have fallen on the floor in shock.

Oh Amber- I'm sorry you got an e-mail like that from a friend that was just so insensitive. REALLY!

Adriane - I wish I lived closer to you too, I would totally have you doing my hair. I have not found a good hair dresser in this area in 4 years. Iam actually contemplating making a 2 hour trip back to my old hair dresser again. He was the only one who could ever really give me great styles, that were fun and not so original like I have going right now.

Ok so this is kind of funny but my grandmother who I love dearly she is like my real mother always there for me, sometimes when I'm sad she pull me onto her lap and just hold me. She is a true angel in my eyes. Anyway when I told her that L and I were adopting and it was going to be from Vietnam. She says, "Oh that is great I had a little vietnamese girl my pedicure today" I said, "now mom-mom you know that is not a gentic trait?" Oh she laughed and laughed and then she just told me how happy she was.

So I probably won't be on tomorrow or over the weekend because the funeral is out of town so wish me luck and I'll fill you in once I get back.

You all rock and really helped me out things back in prospective again!!!

hopeful gal · #8 (**permalink**) 03-29-2007, 09:57 AM

I'm sorry that the hairdresser was so negative

I agree with the others that people just don't get it and it is very frustrating! Hope everything goes well with your parents!!

hug

Janay

Ann K · #9 (**permalink**) 03-29-2007, 10:47 AM

I have learned to just have thick skin and not to take things personally. I always get strange comments when people find out the age of my son and me (he was born when I would have been 18 so they automatically think I was a teenage mom). I could care less what people think (who are not close to me) so I don't even bother telling them anything. When they say how young I look for having a teenager I just say "thanks" and blow it off. People can be insenstive but I don't think they mean to be mean - they just don't know any better IMO.

mildlydelirious · #10 (**permalink**) 03-29-2007, 05:48 PM

Sending you positive thoughts for the weekend...

~m

llamamama02 · #11 (**permalink**) 04-04-2007, 01:58 PM

dang some people

I have heard all kinds of odd comments from people when I tell them we are adopting. Mostly it has been very very positive so when all of the sudden some rude comment come out, expecially from a relative it just floors me. So I block out the one awful comment I have gotten and try to only remember the positive ones.

Some people just shouldn't talk at all.

nicoleb · #12 (**permalink**) 04-04-2007, 04:49 PM

K-
I hope everything went okay this weekend.

I have often thought about what I would say when I got a negative comment regarding our adopting, but I haven't come up with the "right" answer.
Our family and friends know all that we have gone through trying to have a child and this just makes sense to all of them.
Man, if you come up with the right smart alec answer, let me know.

Good luck on the hairdresser search. It took me years to find mine and I would drive to wherever she was to get a cut!!

Hugs,
Nicole