Newbie with question...

booties2fill · #1 (**permalink**) 04-15-2007, 05:48 PM

Hi everyone!

I am new to this board. My husband & I are trying to decide whether to proceed with IVF #4 or move on to domestic adoption. I thought it would be a good idea to start the homestudy process regardless, to get ahead of the game (either in the event the IVF fails, or for our second child). Unfortunately, we went to an adoption info session & they insist that you agree not to continue with any fertility treatments if you want to pursue adoption. Also, if you become pregnant, their policy states that they pull you off the waiting list. In addition, if you are able a biological child, they do not allow you to adopt a caucasion baby. Did any of you encounter policies like these, and if so, what did you do?

Luckily for us, we have had insurance coverage for IVF & we have one more retrieval left. My husband thinks we should use it up before moving on to adoption if we have to make a choice between the two. I am frustrated by all of the failed cycles & I just want a baby in the house. I don't want to waste any more time. I feel like moving on would be a relief!

Do any of you have any thoughts? I would greatly appreciate any input! We are going to another agency's info session Tuesday to see if they have similar policies.

Thanks!
Jessica

amberl10 · #2 (**permalink**) 04-15-2007, 07:08 PM

The restrictions our agency has is that we cannot pursue IVF while adopting, and if we would become pg while in the process we would have to be put on hold. There is no restriction about the race of the baby we want at any time.

I strongly suggest being 100% satisfied with your decision whether it be IVF or adoption. You don't want to make a decision based solely on wanting a baby. You shouldn't choose adoption just because you don't want to proceed with IVF again, adoption shouldn't be something you settle for 2nd best. I would do a lot of praying. DH and I made the decision that we would start the adoption process when and if we completely accepted the fact that we weren't going to ttc anymore and were 100% sure adoption is what we wanted, and it is. Our agency also required that we were over the grieving process of our failed IVF's. Just some things to think about.

Good luck to you!!!!

theluvof2moms · #3 (**permalink**) 04-16-2007, 10:47 AM

Hi Jessica,

- I am glad you found us over here.

You know it is so hard to make these decisions and really only you and DH know what is best for you. Since you both seem to be torn maybe you could sit down and make a list of pros and cons for each journey and go from there.

I know when we did the interviewing for the agencies they asked if we would be continuing to persue fertility treatments and I said no because that was true and I also told them that I was having some therapy because of not being able to carry a child they thought that was great.

I can't imagine ever being 100% over my infertility but I do know that I am 100% excited about going forward with the adoption and it does feel so right for us.

Jessica you and DH should just take your time and allow yourselves to be angry, sad, happy all of the above the answers will come to you and when they do you'll know it.

Just another option I just thought of you seem to be young like me so you could always put ttc on hold. You would move forward with the adoption no ttc and then once the adoption is complete you could maybe ttc one last time. Just a thought but like I said you and DH will know what is best.

booties2fill · #4 (**permalink**) 04-17-2007, 06:11 AM

Thank you for your input! Originally, we decided to put ttc on hold, adopt, and perhaps use that last cycle down the road. However, we just found out that my husband's company may be bought. If the new owner changes the insurance, we could potential lose our fertility coverage. Ugh. Just when you think you've made a decision, someone throws a wrench in it!!! Isn't that always the way!

We are going to another info meeting at another agency tonight. We'll see how that goes. I don't think I was 100% satisfied with the first agency, & that could have a lot to do with it our uncertainty.

Thanks again!

mildlydelirious · #5 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 03:58 PM

with what Kristine had to say! Even if you don't have insurance coverage later, it makes sense to bring home a baby.

When you are young you can always decide to TTC later. It is a big plus!

Jessica. I hope you like the other agency a lot better. That really will help make your decision easier. If you like where you are and where you're going, it's a piece of cake to make that decision.

Wishing you the best. Hope you'll stick around and join us anywhere and everywhere on the board.

~m

LT1966 · #6 (**permalink**) 04-26-2007, 11:06 AM

Jessica,
I am also in NJ... and am in the midst of adopting a newborn through private adoption (lawyer) Ryan was born 3/20/2007. If you have any questions please reach out to me.
Linda