New here and some questions

JSquare · #1 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 08:48 AM

Hi! Marian invited me to the adoption boards and I've been lurking and wanted to introduce myself

I recognize a few names and faces from the IVF boards!

You can see our journey in my siggy. Losing our embabies was heartbreaking. Realizing I'll never be pregnant was devastating. We got on the IF treatment roller coaster ride after we found out we have a 1% chance of getting pregnant naturally. We tried Clomid and IUI and were so far along on the roller coaster that when our RE said IVF we jumped on board. After all of our failures our RE said the only option is IVF with donor eggs but that's still less than a 20% chance I'll get pregnant. DH and I talked and realized we were on the same exact page and that our option was right in front of us! We always knew we would adopt even if IF treatments worked.

I can get a referral from our RE office and my Gyn office for an adoption attorney, but is a private attorney the best way to go? Or should we go to an agency? We had initially thought international adoption but very recently I've been doing on-line research into domestic adoption. I would love information from anyone who has been through international and/or domestic adoption. I'm sure I'll have many more questions as DH and I climb on board this new roller coaster ride! If you got this far, thanks for reading all of that

theluvof2moms · #2 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 09:00 AM

Hi JSquare!

First I want to say I am sorry to hear about your losses.

I am really excited to see you moving on and exploring more options. You know I have to say that I think when it comes to building a family there is no wrong way and you and DH will know which path to take.
I know it is overwhelming to do all the research but you'll feel it right away.

My DP and I chose international adoption, we have a referral for a little girl in Vietnam and are due to travel sometime before Labor Day.

The best advice I can give and probably sound like a broken record is, do your homework, interview the different, lawyers and agencies depending on which route you choose and pick the one you feel you like, trust and can work with, they will be side by side with you for long time and trust is so important.

So like I said I don't think you can go wrong with any path but just know there really isn't an easier path it is all hard with ups and downs.

My new saying is, No one ever said it would be easy they just promised it would be worth it!

Good Luck and please keep us posted!!!

JBB373 · #3 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 09:08 AM

Hi I just wanted to welcome to our board - its a small but very supportive board. We have people adopting through I believe every route possible.

I don't have advice per se on chosing an agency as we are foster/adopt and the state is the only agency we can chose with that route.

Word of mouth and gut feelings when interviewing the agency seems to be the best route. Kinda like interviewing RE's . . . you know when its right.

*Mely1015*/Melissa · #4 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 10:20 AM

First, I'm sorry for your losses. My name is Melissa but I like to go by Mely!...I were on the IF rollercoaster for about 3.5 yrs. We have a bio DD. She is 9 yrs old. Last year we decided to move forward into adoption. We are doing adoption from the state. Our agency is a non-profit one. It takes maybe longer or at times it is dificult but we can't afford doing a private adoption b/c we spent the money in IF treatments. So I'm not much help in which road to go, but if I would have the money I definitely go domestic!

I wish you luck in any way that you decide and welcome to our little board...we are not that many but we have a HUGE

!!!

mildlydelirious · #5 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 08:01 PM

Hey! There you are!

to the group.

I am so excited for you that you are starting the journey that will bring you your child. Sometimes it can be a rollercoaster like all of the dang IF treatments, but in the end we get our babies this way!

We are doing the state fost/adopt thing for our adoption. I did a bit of research before we decided to go this way but I have to say that the private attorney adoptions was my least favorite of all of the options. And mostly it is because of the birthmom scenario. With a good agency you are assured of a bmom that has spent a significant amount of time counseled about her decision to relinquish. It was very important to me. Choosing fost/adopt was perfect for me in that I knew that any child that came to me would come to me because the parents absolutely could not or would not parent. KWIM?

I

with Kristine, it's about research. Research, research, research. There is just a ton of info out there. And as you learn you will begin to feel what is right for you. And your instincts will lead you in the direction that is right for you.

I am happy you are here with us. We're not big, but we're mighty, here at Adoptions R' Us.

Jump in everywhere!

~m

mytwoboys07 · #6 (**permalink**) 06-21-2008, 05:33 AM

Hello JSquare,

Sorry to hear about everything that you have been through. I am just joining myself but I have been lurking for awhile and these are some great girls. I personally am doing private domestic, just because the agency is affialted with my church and they have pretty good fees as well as great references. There are a lot of people from church that have utilized them and have no compliants. Although I am going with them, I still have been up day night looking at other agencies just to make sure that I was making the right decision. The other option that we were looking to go was through the state, which is a great option financially, it justs takes a little longer but during this time everything is going to feel like an eternity anyway. I hope you are able to find everything that you are looking for with this journey and you are holding your baby soon!!

JSquare · #7 (**permalink**) 06-22-2008, 09:16 AM

Thank you all for the nice welcome

I will keep you posted!

nicoleb · #8 (**permalink**) 06-23-2008, 06:42 AM

Sorry to chime in so late!
Welcome!
We are in the last stages of bringing home a little boy from Russia.

I second with the girls said about doing your homework. When it fits, you will know.

Adoption attorneys have the reputation of being expensive, but faster than agencies.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Nicole

leanrog · #9 (**permalink**) 06-25-2008, 08:30 PM

I'm sorry that I'm late to chime in too but I just wanted to welcome you to the board and second what the other girls were saying. It can be so stressful doing research...I know I wanted to pull my hair out and then I would forget which agency told me what so I'd have to call some twice. The best thing I finally did was print out about 15 or 20 questions to ask agencies that I found online and I made copies for each agency I called and wrote down their answers and that helped me narrow it down. Then I called my top few agencies references and then ended up going on gut and who I really felt comfortable with. I mean, a couple of agencies didn't even call me back for over a week so I knew I would be way too stressed out going with them.

Also, something you may already know but to keep in mind (you too Tiffany) with all the expenses is that when you adopt you do get a really good tax credit. I think it's like $11,000 or something. Anyway, welcome and I hope your adoption journey is quick and smooth

mytwoboys07 · #10 (**permalink**) 06-26-2008, 06:20 AM

Yes Leanne is right about the tax credit, my agency actually brought it to my attention. That is really the only way that I am able to do domestic, is because they are willing to let me make payments until I receive the tax credit back. I also get adoption reimbursement from my job for $4,000, but I am soon to be laid off so it just depends how far I get in the process before then. I am hoping that I can still get to claim it, I have been there for almost 9 years and I would hate to lose it, especially because it is about half of what I would need to pay for my placement fee, but we will see. *Sorry to hijack this post, lol*

JSquare · #11 (**permalink**) 06-26-2008, 06:26 AM

I really appreciate all of the advice

I did know about the tax credit, but I understood that it's paid over years, not a lump-sum of $11k? DH's job gives him an adoption credit too. I'm not working full-time so I don't have that.

So much work in research and so much to consider! But in the end it's the most valuable work we'll have ever done!

leanrog · #12 (**permalink**) 06-26-2008, 12:50 PM

I'm not exactly sure how the tax credit works because my dh is the tax person

but from what he's told me is that it just depends on how much taxes or something you had taken out that particular year. I know that if our adoption is completed this year then we will actually get it all because we had so much taxes taken out due to my dh's moving bonus and retention bonus he got and they killed us in taxes. Now if we don't complete until next year then however much taxes we had taken out we could get that much in credit and then over the next five years or something we could keep getting the credit until we reach the $11k...am I making any sense at all? I am not the best person to be talking about finances. My dh is a financial analyst and he takes care of all that

Tiffany - I hope your adoption is completed before you get laid off. Maybe that's why your adoption is supposed to happen so fast