need to vent... about my mother

SmittyJr · #1 (**permalink**) 05-30-2008, 10:02 AM

So it took my DH and I a long time to get to being comfortable with our IF status and officially consider adoption, like most IF couples...

This week was my mom's 60th b-day. (She know's our IF journey, but does not understand...) and she announced she was planning to retire in two years. She looked at me and said, "so can you guys work on having a baby by then". I explained we were most likely proceeding with adoption in late summer. and she replied, "oh your going THAT route". I was floored.

I didn't want to bring it up at her dinner so I called her the next day and basically had to rehash all our IF over the last 3 years (heart wrenching task...). Explaining our chances of natural conception are POINT 1 percent each month, which is why we want to go with adoption, so we can just be parents.

She finished up with, "that is so sad, none of my kids will have children" (my brothers are still pretty young...). I was devastated. I felt, that in her eyes, she would never see an adopted child as her grandchild.

I'm not changing my consideration for adoption, but it's shaken my faith in my own mother.

Sorry, I just had to vent... Thanks for reading...

mcweix · #2 (**permalink**) 05-30-2008, 10:23 AM

I know it's hard to understand but I do think it takes our families awhile to adjust to the idea that sometimes fertility isn't as easy as they think. I'm adopted and even my parents hated the idea of DH & I adopting. They actually told us to b greatfull frthe cild we have and get over it. I just think that we all have the experience of IF and process it the whole time but ou families haven't yet gotten to mourn their own expectations for our lives and are caught off gaurd. I know it doesn't help, I know you really want your mom in your corner. It just may take her some time and I'm sure she will love any child you are a mother to.

theluvof2moms · #3 (**permalink**) 05-30-2008, 12:15 PM

Smitty,
I am so sorry to hear your mom had a less then enthusiastic response for you. I have to second what Chrissy said, give her some time she has to adjust to all of this too see by the time we are ready to deal with things we have known about our options for a while and we have worked through all the rig-a-ramole so we just need to give those around us some time too.

I know that does not help any because it still hurts your feelings but I would bet my life that your mom will love any child you bring home!

Good Luck!!

I know you all can work this out together, it might take a little educating but it will all work out.

mildlydelirious · #4 (**permalink**) 05-30-2008, 01:13 PM

Ugh. Why do our families have to be so difficult??!

It will just take her a little time. She doesn't realize what she is saying to you is hurtful, I think.

When she sees your LO come home she will be as in love as she can be. I hope she comes around soon for you.

~m

SmittyJr · #5 (**permalink**) 05-30-2008, 01:33 PM

I hope she figures it all out too. She's just notorious for acting like this. She once stopped talking to me for a month because she thought I inferred my dog was smarter than hers. Ugh.

Thanks for the warm thoughts girls.

*Mely1015*/Melissa · #6 (**permalink**) 05-30-2008, 04:44 PM

Teece, moms sometimes can be dificults...just wait until she sees how happy you will be that she wont have another option then be OK with your decision. Hang in there...beside what really matters is what YOU and YOUR HUSBAND wants!!!

hematite153 · #7 (**permalink**) 05-30-2008, 05:59 PM

Argh! I'm really sorry; that's an awful story.

I agree with many of the others.

My DW and I have been TTC for 4.5 years now. Around January, my family got all interested and started calling and asking for updates regularly. So, we've spent years on it and have learned that we have to just take it as it comes and let the rest of our life unfold, but, suddenly they've figured out what we're doing and are having the emotional reactions we started with back then. It's weird!

Hopefully, your mother will catch up!

I'm also sure she'll end up loving any grandchild you give her, but, it may be worth laying down the law with her a few times more in the next while. If she's anything like my family, it may take a few hearings to get it to sink in.

Good luck! I know that you will love any child and that it'll be great to bring a new member into your family.

SmittyJr · #8 (**permalink**) 06-01-2008, 03:24 PM

Very good points!