Hi Girls,

So I thought I would start a monday moan. You can all join in if you need to. I'm sorry to start the week off with a whine but I just have to get this off my chest.

I am just having a rough morning when it comes to emotions. I am not sleeping good and when I do I am just dreaming and dreaming about Baby Silas and the next referral.

The first night, the dreams were about the agency calling us to tell us the baby had died and we were going to have to pay all this money for the next referral and I was just freaking out on the director of the agency. I was just yelling at her and trying to hit her. So by the time I got up for the morning my day was just full of panic, worrying about if the next baby would be ugly. I know this thought is not even rational but I was so focused on getting a referral for an ugly baby and I don't want that.

The second dream was I went to this orphange to see Baby Silas spirit and I got to hold it, but it was so heavy i couldn't even stand while holding him. Then I was given his ashes. At the same time they introduced me to this little girl with pigtails and she was eatting and cute and about a year old and L and I decided on the spot to take her. I was hugging and crying with my director I was just so happy. But now I am awake and I just feel like I have to talk to the director today.

I swear I am all over the place from being scared out of mind of this next referral to feeling impatient to just move on. I just can't think of the future right now it scares me to death. We can't imagine anything else going wrong, but the reality is there is no rules that say the next thing has to go smoothly and perfect for us. Although in my head I totally think we deserve that.

I just need my hand held. YKWIM? L has been just great we trade days off, i get to panic one day and L holds me up and then the next day is L's and I hold her up. Oy Vey!! I just want to not be terrified anymore.

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K, I heard you. You and Lu are doing a great thing by "trading" days. Also, welcome to being a mother. I worry about K and crazy things all the time. We are buying a swingset with our "economic stimulas" check since we wern't planning on getting one and wouldn't you know, all I dreamt of last night was her falling off and breaking her beautiful little neck! I'm not so sure I'm ready for her to be ready for a swingset!

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K-
I remember the dreams after my losses. I truly think that is part of the grieving process. I believe in my heart you are doing the right thing!

My Monday moan is that....oh wait, I don't think I have one! My boss is back, so my hours are going back to PT today. We got most of the nursery done this weekend and got a STEAL on some great furniture. I will see if I can figure out how to post pics.

We found out we are number 7 on the waiting list. For all that means, it could be soon, or it could be another couple of months. WHO KNOWS!

Happy Monday!

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Nicole (36)
DH (33)
DS (13)
DD (12)

5 Angel Babies watching over our family!


3/8/08 Turned in dossier - waiting for a referral from Russia!
4/24/2008 Referral accepted for baby Ryan!! Wating to bring our boy home!

Oh dear Kristine. You will have dreams like that! It is your mind's way of working things out. I'm still sending you strength and peace and comfort.

My Monday Moan is tomorrow is my birthday and I am SO not happy about it. I don't think I've ever looked forward to any birthday less. So, I am just celebrating the anniversary of my 40th birthday again.

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AND, I haven't done our taxes yet. SO that just makes my heart sing.

~m

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K, that is normal to have those kind of dream but it is a ood sign that you are moving in the right path on grieving and it's so cute that you and Lu are supporting each other in these difficult time.

Marian, you better get those txes done...tomorrow is your last day unless you have asked for an extension

I am so freaking upset with my hubby beyond belief....I feel that I can strangle(sp?) him...well not that far but...

Anyway, to give you an idea of what happen. Yesterday, we received an invitation for a child baptism from a very good of us. The baptism is the day before of Zoulanche's First Communion and my In-laws are coming the day before and spending the night here. So, when I noticed the day and time I told my hubby to tell his parents to come around 6 PM instead of the morning because the baptism is at noon and it is an hour from our house...anyway, he got all upset b/c he didn't know how to tell his parent that we wont be here and that they need to come later on the day...he made a big drama and I am upset b/c he cares more about what his parents might say then what I want do or think...it is not fair!...he always put them first and it's not fair I am suppose to come first...right?

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Ahh, Marian We did taxes last week and we owed a boat load of money. AHH!!! We are hoping the 08 taxes go much better because this year was not kind at all.

Mely, I'm sorry DH is being a doodoo head right now. I think the request is reasonable and I would think the parents would understand. Is there any possibility that maybe the parents could join you at the party? Just I thought. Big Hug Girl!!!

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I'm jumping on the band wagon a day late.

I am having my carpets cleaned as we speak. First they showed with out calling and were suppost to give us a 30 mins notice. So I'm in my pj's when he gets here the cats are still runing around. He gets all the equipment set up and has spot treated only to findo ut that they gave him the wrong power cord. He calls his boss and we wait 30 mins for him to arrive with the right one. Then he pulls it in no power. We reset the breaker still no poer. He changes the plug to the one that is non-gfi and power surge. Blows the microwave up. Reset the breaker change the outlet again and we are good to go. Their equipment go so warm at one point that it trips the breaker again, but no big deal this time. Guess we will see if they are charging for the cleaning and how much they are going to give me to replace the microwave. I'll update later and let you all know how it goes.

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ttc #2 FET in June