Intro (short) & vent

psycojenni · #1 (**permalink**) 10-26-2007, 04:07 PM

Some of you know me from the IVF board and for those of you who don't here is the readers digest version.

My dh and I took custody of his step-niece (brother step daughter) in March of 06' and were awarded full custody and allocation of parental rights in Jan 07'. When the petition was filed she never responded to any of the court hearings or to the paperwork, including the one that was served to her and she had to sign for the others. She was living in a home where mom did drugs and where her dad (step) was abusive in every way possible. We have only had calls from her mom speratically and when she did call she would only talk to dh and refused to talk to her daughter. Her siblings are still living in the home.

So for my frustration.

Our little guy Zach has been in and out of the hospital ill. To start this all off. He was finally released Thursday afternoon. On top of that crazyness we are receiving letters of lies from Cass's mom. Then on Wednesday Cass tells her ride that someone at school wants to jump her. Then she tells me te same thing. I told her that she needed to let the Dean know so that he could take care of it. Being the drama queen that she is I figured it was really nothing as normal. I got home w/ Zach from the hospital Thursday and half hour later I get a call from the Dean that she has been suspended. Not for fighting but for lying. She told him that someone had written the letters to her and it was really her writting threatening letters to herself. Now I know you are thinking so it was a cry for attention w/ all the stress going on at home. But it was more then that. By the time I got there she was in a manic state and bouncing all over. So I took her to the mental hospital on the advisment of my ins. co. When all was said and done she was admitted on suicide watch. She will be there till sometime next week and the nit looks as if they will be admitting her to a residental facility for intense therapy. I will know more about what is going on sometime this afternoon when all the assesments are done.

Part of me feels so guilty. But maybe all this is happening becasue she feels safe enough to finally deal with it. Maybe this a the begining of the journey for her. It's time that she allow herself to heal.

As far as her mom goes Cass has asked that she not know when thye email or call becasue it upsets her. That was something that she decided about 6 months ago and thank god becasue her moms letters are full of lies. I ran home on Wednesday night to find an email saying that she has been trying to get a hold of her and that she has no way (not my dh's cell, not my house or even the address) lying bi*ch. . I was pissed but just blew it off not like Cass even know's what's going on. So today I get the mail and there is a letter from her mom saying that we aren't allowing her daughter to contact her and that she never said we could have her,that she has been trying since March to contact her (whatever), that she will be taking her over the holidays and her b-day. Ok now here is what really happened. We eoncouraged Cass to email her mom when she first got here and she did like 10 times but her mom never replied. She emailed cass in March asked that she call her and she did but her mom never called back even after leaving 2 messages. Hermom sent her 2 emails one of which she was totally tripping when she wrote it to her and the other was just all lies. Cass decided that since her mom only wanted to lie that she didn't want anything ot do with it. BUt in this one her mom is telling her that she will be living with them again by summer. NOT. Over my dead body. Did I mention that she waits till dh leaves to start all this.

Ok maybe I feel a little better now. I just don't know what to due. I have written her mom a letter and plan on sending it ceritifed asking that she not contact us. Per the judge even though her rights were not terminated we have full power over if she even talks to her while she lives with us. Is suggestion was never again.

Sorry so long just in a pickle and totally stressed.
__________________

theluvof2moms · #2 (**permalink**) 10-29-2007, 04:17 AM

Hi Jenni,

I am so sorry to hear your are having such a rough time right now. Sorry to pry but were is DH right now? You had mentioned this all started when he left. I only wonder because I'm hoping he will come back soon to offer you support and maybe get on Cass's bmoms case here.

I'm sorry I'm not the best at understanding how all this visitation works or the custody part of things but I am a big believer in documenting everthing. I would keep track of it all and just store it away so that when you need it, it is right there.

The main focus should just be on Cass, you are probably right this may be here finally dealing with these issues or maybe she is testing the waters it sounds as though her mom has let her down alot and maybe she is seeing if she will be let down again.

These kids are so young and they go through so much and they don't have the coping skills we have, it just breaks my heart to think of all the crap she has been through and is not even out of school yet.

I'm sorry I don't have advice but you can come here and vent anytime you like. Stay strong it sounds like you have two little ones that need you.

psycojenni · #3 (**permalink**) 10-29-2007, 08:32 AM

My dh is in Iraq and will not be home till Dec 08'. He does call and she gets to chat w/ him on a regular basis so that helps some.

Her bmom has not visitation w/ her....let alone no contact. although she thinks she does.

mildlydelirious · #4 (**permalink**) 10-29-2007, 04:58 PM

Oh dear. Stuff just keeps happening and happening doesn't it.

Sending you support and strength. I wish I had any idea of what the right answer for you is. But, keeping you, Zach and Cass as your priority is a definite.

Hang in there.

~m

theluvof2moms · #5 (**permalink**) 10-31-2007, 04:28 AM

Oh Jenni,

I wish I had a solution for you...do you have a social worker that you work with? Can they give you any advice?

psycojenni · #6 (**permalink**) 10-31-2007, 10:20 AM

It was all done out of the system and just through the court. As of yesterday they are trying to get her into the residential program where she will receive more intensive therapy. We should know by Friday. At this point they have found that she is a risk to herself and the baby. They are still adjusting her meds because she is still manic so at this point they don't even have a release date if she doesn't get into the residential program. They have been pretty helpful and have lots of resources. We are working w/ a social worker through their facility. So now only time will tell.

As far as her mom goes my dh sent her an email and told her nicely to kiss off. If she wants to have contact with her that she may go to the court and we at that point will ask that she be drug tested each visit and that it be supervised. She hasn't responded yet so we will see what happens. I expect nothing to come of it becasue she really doesn't care about her. She never even respnded to the court during all the original hearings.

LauraH · #7 (**permalink**) 11-01-2007, 05:21 PM

Oh Jenny, I feel for all of you. I do rememebr you from the IVF boards & I was just lurking around & saw your post. This is a lot for you to go through especially with your DH gone (as if the stress of him being in Iraq wasn't enough!)
That poor girl, Cass. It sounds like her life has really done a job on her already. I think it's a good idea that she get involved in some sort of "system" where both you & she will have access to counselors and other resources. She sounds like a handfull to handle on your own. Sounds like all she knows is not feeling loved and lying (I have a niece who is very similar).

What branch of the service is your DH in? Do you know if he's home for good in '08? Wait a second - Dec 08?!?! He's gone until NEXT December? Yikes! Thank goodness for telephones & internet! Keep us posted on your situation.