Breakdown

nicoleb · #1 (**permalink**) 07-30-2007, 10:53 AM

Well, I knew it was coming. I really did. I lost it on Saturday. The stress of waiting for this dossier to come back seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back.
I thought I had done all my grieving for my losses as they happened. But the grief came around and kicked me in the A$$!
I couldn't get out of bed to start the day out with, and then when my husband got me out of bed and I stopped crying for a few minutes, he got me to go to Home Depot to look at tile for our floor.
I did okay there, but he has since decided it is too much work to do before we bring baby home (if ever) and we won't do it until we can afford it.
Considering how tight he is with money that will be never.
Let me give a little background. We bought a lovely home in a nice neighborhood and it needs W-O-R-K!
It was smoked in for decades so after we got that smell out and got the walls painted the only thing left is the gross vinyl flooring. It is supposed to be cream but it is yellow. I don't want a baby crawling around on that. DH doesn't think it is a big deal. I do.
Anyway, I was pretty much inconsolable the rest of the day until my kids got home from camp. I was so happy to see them, but I had to give them to their dad for another week, so I'll see them on August 7th again.
Sorry to complain.....hopefully this week will be better....
Nicole

NY11 · #2 (**permalink**) 07-30-2007, 01:55 PM

Nicole...I am so sorry you are having a tough time. Please know that you are not alone and make sure you take care of yourself. Treat yourself to some ice cream, pedicure, or some shopping. I know that won't make everything right but it seemed to help me when I was down.

Cathy

SmittyJr · #3 (**permalink**) 07-30-2007, 05:50 PM

Bad days it suck. What's worse is that sometimes nothing can pull you out of it.

We're here for you!

We have an older home too. We didn't see all the dollar signs adding up through our rose colored glasses when we made the offer!

LauraH · #4 (**permalink**) 07-31-2007, 05:56 AM

Oh Nicole -
I know how you feel. My greiving keeps coming up when I least expect it & I'm like "HEY! I thought I dealt with this already!!" But, unfortunately, we have to go through it to heal. I hope you feel better today.

mildlydelirious · #5 (**permalink**) 08-01-2007, 08:27 AM

It's okay to be grieving! And to keep grieving until you're done! One day you'll look back and you'l think, "wow, it's been a long time since I've cried about that." And you will realize that you are okay.

Hang in there. Hope you are feeling much better by now.

~m

theluvof2moms · #6 (**permalink**) 08-01-2007, 09:41 AM

oh Nicole,

Don't be so hard on yourself you are doing exactly what you should be doing, FEELING! Make sure you take care of yourself and let yourself have the down time and also like Cathy said, go have icecream or get your nails done, or go buy some of that at home face scrub and have a little facial. You know, do somethings that you enjoy doing and can put a smile on your face.

Come here and vent any time.

ekchild · #7 (**permalink**) 08-03-2007, 08:04 AM

i am sooo sorry, hope things get better
good luck

mildlydelirious · #8 (**permalink**) 08-03-2007, 08:23 AM

How are you feeling today Nicole? Are you doing better?

~m

nicoleb · #9 (**permalink**) 08-03-2007, 02:52 PM

Hi ladies,
Marian, thanks for asking about me.
I am doing okay. This paperwork stuff can be so defeating sometimes. I finally got up the nerve to email a contact at the consulate, but haven't heard anything.

I suppose I will hear sometime next week.
We have to get fingerprinted AGAIN (the 4th time) sometime next week. I called to make the appointment and he said that I had to call before noon on Fridays...LOL! OKay.
I feel like somedays the world is really out to get me. I have waited so long to have a child with my husband and nothing seems to ever work out.
The bridge thing kind of put it in perspective for me. I really don't have it that bad. It's been bad, trust me, but not as bad as some of those families who don't know where their loved ones are or have lost a parent, spouse, etc.
I find sometimes I am pretty short tempered when people are complaining about something really dumb. I usually just shot them a look and say, want to trade lives for the last 2 years? That usually stops the complaining. Tonight we are going to a movie so that will be fun. The kids are coming home on Monday and I am SUPER excited to have them back after 2 weeks.
Okay, enough of my novelette...LOL!
Hopefully I will have some good news soon. I'm due.

Hugs,
Nicole