Another disappointment and about to give up...

tiff912 · #1 (**permalink**) 06-13-2007, 07:50 AM

This is so frustrating. We have gone to all our foster care classes, we had the first home inspection, we had already had a home study, but yet they still had to come out to do an addendum, we have had to send stuff several times because it gets lost or not passed to the next person, and yet that isn't even the worst of it. The state is setting up this new program and trying to get foster families through churches. We went to the first informational mtg months ago. They said you had to be married 2 years. Well, our 2 years won't be until October-3 months. So we asked the attorney for the state and she said they make exceptions. Well, yesterday when the SW came to do our addendum, which was the same stuff they already asked might I add, she asked if we realized that we had to be married 2 years. I said we had talked to this person. After she left I emailed our case worker and asked her. She said it may take thought long to get an adoptive placement anyways, but exceptions are made on a case by case basis, and if their wwas the right child for our family they would look at it. We are not just for adoption. So I emailed her and asked her about foster care and asked if we wouldn't get called til Oct. for that either. She said let me check and I haven't heard from her yet.

I am so irritated. I want to email and say just forget it and how we wouldn't have been so diligent to hurry and get everything done if we had known this really was an issue in the beginning. I won't though. It seems like everything just turns into a road block. I see why there are so few foster families.

I think I need a vacation and one of these

JBB373 · #2 (**permalink**) 06-13-2007, 08:12 AM

I hear you on all the roadblocks - I think it prepares you for what to expect when you have foster kids - there are a lot of delays and red tape to cut to get things done which are in the best interest of the children. Remember the system is overloaded with rules and regulations that are suppose to be protecting the children, there isn't enough people workers or foster parents. In the end it so rewarding. 3 months isn't that long in the whole scheme of things and sometimes when we encounter these delays they were meant to be and we can only realize it in hindsight. We finished all the things we needed to the first week in November but by the time we were approved it was the middle of Feb (3 months) and we didn't get a call until Mar (partially because I asked not to I was in the middle of an IVF cycle). We now have 3 long term foster children and thats makes all the waiting seem like a distant memory - I hope your wait doesn't seem endless and that you won't give up the system needs good foster parents not to mention the children!

hang in there!

theluvof2moms · #3 (**permalink**) 06-13-2007, 02:45 PM

Tiffany-

I know it is hard- stay strong and don't give up. Come here and let some steam off if need be --- I know it always makes me feel better just don't give up---you have a dream, so take it one day at a time.

Kristine

tiff912 · #4 (**permalink**) 06-13-2007, 05:39 PM

Well, if they don't just rub salt in the wound. I scanned our form from our physical and sent it to our case worker. She emailed me back and said if only everyone was as effecient as we are. UGHHH! I just want to say yeah-and we are the ones getting turned away....hmmmmm.

I know 3 months isn't a long time. It isn't so much the wait however hard it is. It is more the principal of one higher up person says one thing and then someone else tells us another. I know they are overstaffed but I tend to think maybe if their was some sort of organization and communication between everyone then it would help take better care of the kids. But I guess if you are that busy sometimes it is hard to be as organized-what a vicious cycle. This is definetely better training than any of the Pride classes we went to....patience.

mildlydelirious · #5 (**permalink**) 06-13-2007, 10:19 PM

Sorry.

I know how terribly frustrating it can be! I do agree with Jenn though, it is good practice.

(Who'd have thought we needed more freaking practice in patience and waiting??!)

There are a lot of things not to love about the system. But, I do have to say that in the end, it will be worth it. I know that just sounds like some kind of patronizing now, but that's not how I mean it. I mean, that, for me... it has been worth it. And the stuff I still deal with today, it is still worth it. Sometimes I just want to scream at these people, but I got lucky and got an amazing licensing worker. She has talked me off the ledge more than once.

The wait is frustrating

, but once you get that license it could be a VERY short time until there is a baby in your home. It was two days for us.

Maybe you can try to think of it like this. Maybe the baby that is suppose to come into your home isn't going to be born for three more months? Your child will come to you. And maybe these idiots you are dealing with are just unwittingly making darn sure that your destiny is fulfilled in the way it is suppose to be.

Hang in there.

~m

JBB373 · #6 (**permalink**) 06-14-2007, 09:35 AM

Oh Marian - you said it so much better than me! My Foster babies were born just days after we got licensed! They had to go through H*ll and back for the next 7 weeks before being removed for Emergency care to me which lasted a week where they were moved to relatives on May 7th we were called asking if we were willing to take them back!?! Are you kidding? they were back in my house 3 hours later - poor things being moved 3 times before they were 3 months - not to mention the distrust their older brother feels! Currently we are taking things one day at a time - but it looks like at the very least they will be here for another 10 months or so and may turn into an adoption situation - focus on the children not the bureaucratics - I found that rarely do a get the same answer from 2 different people. In the meantime - check out if their is a foster/adoptive parent association in your area - I found these are the people that really KNOW the in's and out of the system (btdt parents) and it never hurts to network (the director of CYFD attends our meetings) I feel one of the reasons we got some of the "better" placements is because they know our faces we just aren't names on a piece of paper.