Stressful day!

Haras · #1 (**permalink**) 09-24-2007, 08:20 PM

While signing up for expecting multiples, I turned and asked my mother if she would be available. The class is three weeks long, one night a week on Thursday from 7-9. It is the ONLY class for the month of Oct. I dont want to wait until next month in case there are any unexpected problems. With my daughter I had premature labor and had to go on bed rest and take medicine. Right now every thing is going fine.
So I turned and asked her, her loving reply...Why are you even asking when you know the answer...what about my drum group. WTF! She goes once a week to a native drum group...I should mention that she has not attended for the last three weeks. She honestly asked if I thought that the class was more important then her drum. I saw red. We are even NATIVE, were JEWISH, and she is going to tell me that her socializing is more important that me seeing the hospital, labor and delivery room and meeting the staff that will care for my children if they are premature. In this class I will meet other mothers who have twins (I dont know any now ) and ask question. It got ugly and ended with saying that she over stayed her welcome, to which I replied D*** right you did.
Now I am looking for a doula (sp?),because I can not depend on my mother, my sister wants to be there but I need her to look after my daughter. Hopefully my other sister will be able to visit, she lives in Ohio, and all of friends are in Texas or Oklahoma.I am a college student and dont know very many mothers as is, the people I do know pertain to class/school with no interests in the joy of child birth.
Right now I feel alone.

Constance_13 · #2 (**permalink**) 09-24-2007, 09:08 PM

I posted on your other post too......

I am so sorry....what a horrible day!!! I really hope you find someone who can help you in the delivery room.

A doula or mid-wife (same thing maybe???) would be a great solution and I know they are very very supportive and caring from what I have heard and read from others.

I truly hope it gets better soon

We are all here for you as much as we can be without being there in person!!!! BIG HUGS

Mommie2Ava&Presley · #3 (**permalink**) 09-25-2007, 05:19 AM

I'm so sorry that your mom couldn't put her own interests aside for such a monumental moment with you. Have she always been like this - undependable for you? I ask, because my mother and I have been at odds most of my life. I was the good kid of the family - graduated top of my class, didn't smoke, drink, experiment with any drugs, didn't sleep around, completed college - and yet instead of making me feel like she was proud of me, it was always that I was expected to do those things. My brother the screw up has had everything, done nothing right, and still has my mother's sympathy to this day. This isn't about me, but I wanted you to know that I probably understand what you are going through, without posting any more detail here. Regarding my first two children, it wasn't pretty; that is until after they were born and then she wanted to be GM of the year. So email me if you need someone to vent to privately or just talk to. sallen1965@aol.com.

That said, contact your doctor's office and/or the hospital for doula references. They love what they do and they are there for support, epecially in instances when family isn't available for whatever reason.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this type of thing. I consider being pregnant with twins a semi-fragile state and for someone to put added stress on you during this time and so close to "possible delivery time" is insensitive. We're here for you.

mommaphoebs · #4 (**permalink**) 09-25-2007, 07:39 AM

I think a doula is a great idea! I have a friend who is a doula. Where a mid-wife is more medical and does deliveries, a doula is just there for you, to give you support, massage, whatever you need. Just do a google search and see if there are some in your area.