Stay-At-Home Moms

bonitafrita · #1 (**permalink**) 03-14-2007, 02:38 PM

The topic is stay-at-home moms! What do you guys think? I would love to hear from:

-those who are/who have been a stay-at-home mom
-those that aren't/weren't stay-at-home moms
-those who are still working on a baby

My DH and I have discussed it thoroughly and we would like myself to be a stay-at-home mom. Me staying-at-home with our kids and not putting them in daycare is one of those things that we think is really important. But I'm kind of torn. Since I'm not getting pregnant as easily as we had originally thought, I have started thinking about going back to school for something that could take 2-4 years. I don't know whether I should bag the stay-at-home mom idea, just go back to school, and deal with the issue of juggling schedules/daycare when we get there or if I should just wait to go back to school once our future kids are all in grade school. Do you think being a stay-at-home mom is really that important and/or all that it is cracked-up to be?

mrsrock2006 · #2 (**permalink**) 03-14-2007, 06:41 PM

Is it worth it I would say yes....

I have been on both sides.
When Kieran was a baby i worked from home,for the county watching and doing activities with an autistic boy.
When Kieran was 3 I worked 40-50 hours a week outside of the home for 2 years I hated it,my son would cry.He needed me i couldn;t be there for him as much as i needed to be.
I felt guilt for me it wasn't worth it.
Now I work from home opened a boutique online hoping it works out o.k.If not I will work but only the weekends he's at his dads,or when he's in school.
But even in Kindergarden they beg you to help out in the classroom.
I worked hard with his school and teaching him to tell time and read ohh then you have after school activities(karate).....it gets busy.
By all means without a 2nd full time income life and iui treatments we have been broke.....You can't have it all on a one income.Unless your married to a lawyer..lol

bonitafrita · #3 (**permalink**) 03-14-2007, 07:20 PM

Mary- Thanks for your comments! It helps me to hear from other people and what they have experienced! How is your cycle going? I saw on your siggy that your IUI is scheduled for tomorrow! Is that right? Let me know!

mrsrock2006 · #4 (**permalink**) 03-15-2007, 05:08 AM

Originally Posted by bonitafrita

Mary- Thanks for your comments! It helps me to hear from other people and what they have experienced! How is your cycle going? I saw on your siggy that your IUI is scheduled for tomorrow! Is that right? Let me know!

Yup it's at 11am we just dropped off hubbie's sperm

Hopefully it works this month

mommy524 · #5 (**permalink**) 03-15-2007, 06:06 AM

Good luck Mary.

Heidi - If I could stay home I would. But My husband is in Construction, and couple months out of the year he is layed off so we wouldn't be able to afford it. I only have my daughter in daycare 2 days a week. The other days my mother-in-law and my mom watch her. I was off of work for a year before Corinne was born then when she was 4 months old we needed the money so I had to go to work. My sister and my mother-in-law watched her then. I didn't put her in daycare until she was 21 months. I cried and it was tough, it still is tough to leave her. It was good though for her to play with kids her age. Also my mother-in-law is a retired kindergarden teacher. So Corinne knew her alphabet and to recongnize the letters and to count to ten by 18 months. When we do have another one I will probably find a job at night so I can be home with them. I wouldn't be able to afford daycare with two kids in there anyway.

bonitafrita · #6 (**permalink**) 03-15-2007, 08:02 AM

Thanks for sharing your experience, Karen!

Gizzy777 · #7 (**permalink**) 03-15-2007, 08:26 AM

Well, I'm not on femara but I might be soon so I lurk here.
When my son was 3 months old I had to go back to work part time because we needed extra income. We worked it out so DH stayed with him but it was so hard! I've been a stay at home mom since he was six months old. It is challenging at times because my DH works so much that I don't get much me time. However, it is worth it to me. I'm glad that I am raising him. I do plan to work once he is in school unless we are blessed with another than I will wait until he/she is in school full time.

sjcbrneyes · #8 (**permalink**) 03-15-2007, 02:33 PM

WELL.. this subject is very near and dear to my heart right now!!! I will have to return to work for mainly insurance reasons. I have VERY reasonable family insurance at my work; however hubby's family coverage is like between $300-$400 a month. SO, needless to say we could not afford to be w/out my income AND pay that for insurance!!!
BUT to be honest... I would love to stay at home with my new little one!! My mother stayed home until my sisters and I were all in grade school and I think that is very special.... HOWEVER I will say I agree with Karen that I think that daycare does help a great deal with child development!!!! SO, I will just hold on to that last statement when I am crying leaving my baby at daycare!!!

Mommie2Ava&Presley · #9 (**permalink**) 03-16-2007, 07:13 AM

Heidi,

I think it's great that you are already discussing this. My suggestion is to go ahead and do the school thing while you are TTC. You can always take a break, should a little one arrive and pick it back up later. Being able to have a degree so that you can have a profession that would take care of you and a child - should, God forbid, anything ever happen to your DH - is an asset that you would be thankful you had. There is nothing harder than having to be a single parent - for whatever the reason and having to work multiple minimum wage jobs to just make ends meet. When you have a profession, you can count on certain hours/days to work, you have benefits, and vacations, plus a salary that can support yourself and a child. I say all that, because when I ended up on my own with 2 children and no degree, I had to move back home and work because I couldn't support us on what I made without being gone all the time and missing out on any quality time with my children.

That said, this time, with Ava I have had the luxury to stay home - with DH working out of town on a good job. I do now have a teaching degree - so when I'm ready or the need arrises I can go back to work. I have SO enjoyed being with her this first year. I do miss my school kids - they were near and dear to my heart - knowing I was making a difference in their little lives. Ava longs for little kids to play with. She gets so excited when she sees other children. We don't have playgroups in our small rural town, so that isn't an option. So I am planning on getting her into, at least, a mother's day out once she turns 18 months old, so she can learn good social skills before time for school. If I were to get a job teaching again, she would be in the local day care and I feel good about that (from a teacher's perspective - knowing that the kids I had in class that were in Day Care were better equipped for school than most of the stay at home kids.) So I think the nurturing of the first year is irreplaceable - if you can do it - but beyond that, they need to be around other children - even if it's just a couple of days a week. Now that could be siblings or cousins - that's fine. But they need to learn about sharing and social interactions before they start school. Just my opinion and my

worth. I hope whatever you decide, you are content with it. You're going to be a great mommy!

bonitafrita · #10 (**permalink**) 03-16-2007, 08:01 AM

Tammy, Sarah, and Shannon- Thanks for your input/advice/viewpoints! I really appreciate it!

Shannon- Just a little additional info.....I already have a bachelor's degree, but don't really like the job. So if I ever needed to, I could always support myself (and a little one or two) with the degree that I have. BUT, since I don't really like it, I would like to go back to school to do something else, like teaching, dental hygiene, or diagnostic medical sonography. Since I have a bachelor's degree, I might have 2-3 prerequisite classes to take, but for the most part, I could get accepted into a program right away. So that's part of my big dilemma. I really want to go back to school to get a career that I really enjoy, but I really want to be able to stay home with my kids. If I go back to school/start working, juggling schedules with my DH is an option, but I've seen how physically draining it can be on both parents, and who knows what I would do if/when my husband was deployed. We don't have close friends or family nearby that I would trust enough to watch our kids. But seeing that it's taking awhile to get pregnant anyway, I start thinking that I should just go back to school. LOL

I don't know......from what I've read here and advice I've gotten from other people, I will probably just wait on going back to school.

Mommie2Ava&Presley · #11 (**permalink**) 03-16-2007, 12:57 PM

Heidi,

Just saw your blinkie - I love it!!!!!

moeseachel · #12 (**permalink**) 03-16-2007, 05:35 PM

It is good to think ahead. I actually dropped down to p/t while ttc because my job had me so stressed. I have worked from home since that time. It is a challenge, but it has definitely been worth it. I know it isn't always an option to not work or just work part-time. When Nathanael turned one I started him in part-time childcare. It has be great for both of us, him in terms of being around other kids and away from mom and dad, and I have been able to get some work done. As far as going back to school it might be a good diversion while you are ttc but school can be stressful too> Like Shannon said, you could always drop out when you have the baby and then finish later.