checking in

mb80 · #1 (**permalink**) 01-07-2008, 05:49 PM

Hello Everyone- I know I have been out of the loop for a few months, but I have been lurking occasionally and wanted to give everyone an update on where I am in my battle. I think I am finally ready to get the words out.

In my October/November cycle I developed Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome- I had over 25 follies and there were 7 over 18mm- so I was in a bit of trouble. Obviously they cancelled that cycle and told me to rest and stay sitting with my feet up as much as possible. Well- two trips to the hospital and tons of pain meds later- things were not looking any better. I was on the BCP for two months to try to control the follies.

At this point I was 110% set on taking some time off (even after the 6 weeks off already), but right before Christmas my RE called me and talked me into coming back in and trying again. On Christmas day I started Lupron which basically supressed all the natural hormones in my system, since that day, I CRY all the time- my poor husband is afraid to say anything to me and is really mad at the RE for stepping in so soon after my issues. Last Friday they had me come in for a scan and I was all clear on right but have some damage to my left ovary due to the OHSS. Again- they talked me into trying again- praying that the right side takes the lead. I started my follistim that night (still taking the lupron too so lucky me gets two shots every night)- and here I am four days into treatment- I go back Wednesday for another follie scan. They have already decreased my follistim, just from the b/w I had this morning. Now I am petrified that I am going to over stimulate again and end up back in the hospital and on "pelvic" rest for two more months- DH might leave me if that happens again. Imagine telling your DH that you are trying to have a baby, but you are going on the pill and he cannot touch you for 2 months b/c it could cause severe damage to my insides.

I have no hope or good feelings this time and I am really more sad and depressed than I have ever been- I am not sure I want to go through with this at all anymore. I am hoping that this is side effects of the meds. Oh- I also have progesterone suppositories for after the IUI- i have read that the side effects of those are mood swings, depression, anxiety-

I am really sorry to barge back in and drop my sob story- but I have to get this off my mind and no one else really knows what we are going through.

ok- I am going to go to bed- another side effect of the follistim- I am exhausted!

Take care everyone~ any tips for positive attitudes while on injectibles would be greatly appreciated.

Constance_13 · #2 (**permalink**) 01-07-2008, 06:47 PM

BIG BIG HUGS Mary Beth!!!! I am sooo very sorry you have been struggling so much. I truly hope things go well with yours scan. Please keep us posted. We are all here for you. I know I do not have any experience with injectables but I have lots with emotions and disappointment. I am here if you ever need to talk. I now have a PM box, so you can message me anytime.

Try to hang in there. I know rate now it does not make any sense and it may not till a long while after, BUT there will be good that comes out of all of this. That I truly promise. You just can not see it now or understand the why but everything does happen for a reason....I truly believe that. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Try your best to make sure you and your DH stay strong and not let all this come between you....I know its hard....just try your best to communicate and also to listen and really hear where he is at too. As long as you are both on the same page you will make it though anything.

I know the emotions are so hard especial when they are a side effect. I do not want to over step but have you though about maybe talking with someone. I know I did not want to but my DH was so worried about me and he was at a lose about what he could do to help me...I could not stop crying, we were fighting all the time, I was so stressed, worried and being PG was making everything all more intense that he was the one that actually suggested it to me and almost pushed me into it. I found a wonderful counselor and I have to say it has helped so so so much. I am so thankful now that I went and am continuing to go and see her regularly. At first I felt stupid but now I feel empowered and I have to say it has really made a difference. I knew we had a strong relationship and that we would get through but the stress we have been under was taking its toll…..especially living in two different countries, him having his stroke and going through most of my PG alone……BUT now we are stronger then even before. It may be something to look into if you are worrying about things getting too much in the way of your relationship.....and truly it may help you find some peace your self.

I wish you all the best. Please keep us posted. HUGS

Celi · #3 (**permalink**) 01-07-2008, 08:37 PM

Ohhhh my God! So sorry you are going through so much

dealing with IF is already too much... I know almost nothing about injectables

but I'm sure here to listen, and pray for you!!!

Loopy Lou · #4 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 05:37 AM

Good to hear from you MB!
Sorry to hear all have been and still are going through though....any tips for positive attitudes while on injectibles you ask, well if only i had some, the injectables have started to take there toll for me too, i think the more nights i take them the worse i feel....My doc has been monitoring me closely too, so i do not OHS...It means many more nights of shots on a lower dosage....and unfortunately i am finding each month is not "my recipe"... I have come close to telling him put me on 150u...but now hearing your story i am cautious to do so, i seem to be having many follicles all growing at the same time, but just not any taking over in growth....I do wish none of this was happening to you right now, and like Amnada said, "try" not to let it also take more of a toll on your relationship, easier said than done though, trust me i know....I have even had wild thoughts that all of this is a sign that it is not meant to be, and even that DH and i are not meant to be, crazy i know, but i think the medication just allows certain weak moments and paranoia too....All i know is i am refusing to give up and i encourage you to do the same...In the end this has to make us stronger, i am starting to get over the word stronger, but deep down i know i need to be how else am i going to receive my little miracle :o)

If you ever need to chat you can always PM me or even email me at loumacbish@mac.com

Have you and DH gone on a date night recently? That is something that can really help....with rules though, no talking about IF! lol, You will be suprised how hard that can be, but when you do it, you will find yourselves having a fun relaxing evening or even day...rekindle some of why you are together :o)

Take care girlie, good luck tomorrow and please KUP

mommaphoebs · #5 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 06:52 AM

I am so sorry you've been going through so much! Only you know how far you can go emotionally with treatments. If dh is feeling frustrated and overwhelmed maybe sit down together and discuss what you both feel you can take. It really needs to be a mutual decision for your relationship not to suffer. Maybe a break would do you both good; kind of a breather.
I wish I had better advice or a cure-all for you. Just know we're all thinking of you.

#6 (**permalink**) 01-08-2008, 06:23 PM

I wish I could say something to take all your pain and sadness away, I know what a pain IF can be and exactly what it can do to a marriage. I agree with Lou a date nite sounds like a plan ;-)
Know we are here for you, and you re must be wanting to start a new cycle because he/she thinks things WILL work out!!
Try to keep the faith!!

mb80 · #7 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 06:16 PM

Thanks for all of your kind words and thoughts. It means alot to have support from people who can relate to what I am going through.

My scan this morning showed 3 follies all around 10-13 on the left and 2 at 8 on the right and about 5 smaller ones on the right. The tech who did it was new, and it made me nervous b/c she never really got a clear shot of either side. Oh well, I go back on Friday morning and will know more then. I hope I get one of my regular nurses. The left still looked really big and cloudy, so it hasn't healed completely yet from the OHS. I will keep you all posted.