Low Count - Page 2

curleya · #21 (**permalink**) 04-28-2008, 12:58 PM

To Brookelyn510 and others
I know your frustration and everything you saided I felted the same way. I 'm trying to stay postive so it does not effect my marriage, because it's not my husband fault. I feel at this point this is the cards we were dealt and I'm just trying to see if we come out winners at the end. It's easier said than done, but just try not to let it consume you, it will eat you up inside and effect your everyday life. We are willing to keep trying till we exhausted all possibilites. I tell you one thing this forum really has help me, because it make you feel like you are not alone. I know family & friends are there for support, but it feels like they don't get it becasue it's not happening to them. Espeacilly when it's easy for them to get pregnant.

dmg05 · #22 (**permalink**) 04-29-2008, 08:56 AM

My DH had the varicocele embolization in the middle of February. We also started TTC August 2006. The frustration has really taken a toll on me and DH's relationship. I'm not in any way upset with him, bc it isn't his fault and I love him despite the problems, its just the stress related to every month getting AF that has pushed me over the edge. Anymore, I'm a horribly bitter person, and I never used to be that type of person. I hate to talk to anyone, I hate to do anything I'm supposed to such as house cleaning, going to work, and actually I hate to have sex any more because part of me just feels like, "Why bother" I have never fell into as deep of a depression as what I've been in the last few months. My family doesn't understand what its like bc no one in our family has ever had difficulty getting pg and I don't feel like I can talk to any of our friends about it because they haven't experienced it either. Each month I try to find something to inspire some hope, but it seems like my well of hope has dried up. The fact that the 2 year mark is drawing near has devastated me and I don't know how to get out of this rut. I used to be a person that had much faith in God and God's will, but I'm even struggling with that anymore. I've tried to talk to DH about seeing someone to help me find a way to cope, but I don't think he understands how difficult it is for me. Right now, I'm trying to hold on to the hope that the surgery was successful and we should be seeing results soon.

Sorry for the long post, but if you've made it this far thank you. What have you found to help you cope with this?

ttc3years · #23 (**permalink**) 04-29-2008, 09:04 AM

Thank you guys for everything. Curleya you gave me hope. I think this is our year! I have faith and praying that we all will get a positive BFP this year. Never loose faith or hope

curleya · #24 (**permalink**) 04-29-2008, 09:53 AM

Coping with this is not easy becasue it's something you just never expect. You just have to find ways to stay postive somedays maybe harder than the next, but just try not to loose hope. I say try to stay positive till the end!

Brookelyn510 · #25 (**permalink**) 04-29-2008, 05:17 PM

dmg-your situation sounds almost like mine with the varicociles and the procedure.
I finally went and spoke to a couselor who deals with infertility. She has been a great help to me. I work in the mental health field so it was difficult for me to admit that I was in a situation I couldn't handle. I encourage you to go talk to someone.
I also jumped back into my masters degree work and started taking charge of things that I can control and can make a positive experience.
We are in such helpless roles in this situation and I know I have found it difficult to not be able to control the situation and fix it so I grabbed a hold of things I could. It is still difficult for me at times-2 of my girlfriends are pregnant and my little sister is pregnant. I sadly have removed myself from them-just kinda disappeared. They don't know what is going on and like you-don't feel the need to tell them.
I am just anxiously awaiting the SA.

dmg05 · #26 (**permalink**) 04-30-2008, 09:07 AM

Brooklyn, did you go to the counselor by yourself or did DH go with you? If so, was it difficult to get him to go with you?

I don't think that DH understands why it bothers me as much as it does... he is ex-Army so he is very good at controlling his emotions and can move onto the other things in his life, and its not that he forgets about TTC but he is able to block it from his mind. Me on the other hand, I am completely consumed by this situation... I don't know how to get it off of my mind and the rest of my life is suffering for it. The only time I've found that I can "forget" about it is when I get away from my everyday life and go on vacation and keep busy doing fun things, but I don't think my job will allow me to vacation indefinitely...lol!

Thanks for your help.... sometimes I feel so silly, like I should "just get over it", but I only wish it were that easy.

BTW - the quote in your siggy is soo true, where is it from/ who said it? Just curious.

Brookelyn510 · #27 (**permalink**) 04-30-2008, 10:56 AM

The song is actually a Maroon 5 song called I won't go home without you. It's about lost loves, but the chorus speaks to me about my situation

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

DH did not go to see the therapist with me. He said he would go if I wanted him to, but after going I didn't really want him to go. I was able to spew all my venom (and let me tell you I found out I was like a copperhead) and get all my feelings out, whether they were rational or not-and it was ME time. My time to be as angry as I wanted. My time to be as bitter as I wanted. And then I could go back home and act like I had some sense in my head-which made my household a lot more pleasant to be in.

Your husband isn't going to understand. MFI affects us differently as females. He could be supportive-yes-but I found that some of my anger and lonliness (and by the way-stress breeds anger, which breeds depression, which breeds lonliness and vice versa) came from the fact that I was expecting my husband to be supportive in ways that he simply isn't able to be.
My DH went to work and functioned fine. He was able to adopt the mind set of-I am going to the doctor, I am doing what I can. Meanwhile I am going through-I said I wanted to have a baby by the time I'm thirty, this is ruining my plans, wtf am I going to do, so and so is pregnant, why the heck can't I be pregnant-you get the idea. The only time I was okay was when I was at work and I work with at risk kids. So they were a handful-but the minute I got home-things became gloom and doom. My point is DH didn't need to go to the therapist with me. He wasn't in my head and was not experiencing what I was experiencing. I think you will find the same-and after you take care of "your stuff" you want him to go, invite him to go. Right now though, you need to take care of you.
You are no good to anyone broken!!

tapshoe · #28 (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by ttc3years

Thanks Brookelyn510 !

I am so nervous. I keep thinking after he gets the surgery done, they will find something wrong with me. Thanks for the welcome. It helps knowing I have someone to talk to that is going through the same things. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers

Brookelyn510!

i was just wondering if you have ever thought about seeing an RE just to make sure everything is OK with you? i recently saw one, had some tests done and i feel so much better knowing that so far so good with me!...it might help u feel better?

tapshoe · #29 (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by Brookelyn510

The song is actually a Maroon 5 song called I won't go home without you. It's about lost loves, but the chorus speaks to me about my situation

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

DH did not go to see the therapist with me. He said he would go if I wanted him to, but after going I didn't really want him to go. I was able to spew all my venom (and let me tell you I found out I was like a copperhead) and get all my feelings out, whether they were rational or not-and it was ME time. My time to be as angry as I wanted. My time to be as bitter as I wanted. And then I could go back home and act like I had some sense in my head-which made my household a lot more pleasant to be in.

Your husband isn't going to understand. MFI affects us differently as females. He could be supportive-yes-but I found that some of my anger and lonliness (and by the way-stress breeds anger, which breeds depression, which breeds lonliness and vice versa) came from the fact that I was expecting my husband to be supportive in ways that he simply isn't able to be.
My DH went to work and functioned fine. He was able to adopt the mind set of-I am going to the doctor, I am doing what I can. Meanwhile I am going through-I said I wanted to have a baby by the time I'm thirty, this is ruining my plans, wtf am I going to do, so and so is pregnant, why the heck can't I be pregnant-you get the idea. The only time I was okay was when I was at work and I work with at risk kids. So they were a handful-but the minute I got home-things became gloom and doom. My point is DH didn't need to go to the therapist with me. He wasn't in my head and was not experiencing what I was experiencing. I think you will find the same-and after you take care of "your stuff" you want him to go, invite him to go. Right now though, you need to take care of you.
You are no good to anyone broken!!

holy cow...i totally wish everything u said in the last paragraph could be published. it is SOO true. men handle this stuff SOOO differently than we do. we THINK about babies and pregnancy constantly ALl day long, stress about it etc. and then we wonder how our DHs can function so easily and enjoy their normal activities as if nothing is wrong. ...maybe i shouldnt speak for all women..but your paragraph DEFINALTY spoke to me

gave me some perspective for sure. thank you for your insight.