it definatly did not go how I planned, but I am very very happy with how everything turned out!
first, everyone knows that I was having contractions all day on tuesday. around 5:30 my MIL called me asking if I wanted her to bring anything home for dinner. I said that I'd really just like her to come home and take Gracie off my hands. I was contracting all the time and I was just totally exhausted. MIL got home around 6:30 and we sat on the couch talking for a little bit. we decided that we'd go ahead and take a walk... I wanted to just lay down and try to take a nap because if this was in fact "it" then I wanted to get some rest before things started happening. but MIL was just being herself and I just wanted to shut her up. so we went ahead and took a walk to McDonalds... we ate dinner and Gracie played for a little while and we walked home. by the time we got home around 8:30 my contractions were very consistantly 3 mins apart. you could look at the watch and say ok you're gonna have a contraction in 30 seconds and then I would lol. MIL over reacted like usual and wanted me to call the doc, call hubby, call the hospital. I just wanted to wait. it was 8:30 and DH usually gets home around 9:30 (he and FIL play worship at the church on tuesday nights) I didnt want to disturb him especially since I just figured it would be like the previous 5 nights and they would go away when I went to bed. I sent DH a text saying that MIL wanted me to go to the hospital. I really just wanted to wait for DH to come home because I didnt want Gracie to have to go to the hospital I didnt want her anywhere near the hospital when they were setting me all up having to see me in the bed with an IV and monitors on my belly. but MIL just wouldnt let it go. I talked to DH and said we were going to the hosp and he would meet us there. I took a quick shower and it seemed like contractions kinda stalled while I was in there. so I thought ok fine we are going to the hosp and I dont even have contractions anymore lol. I got out got dressed and Gracie really wanted me to sit in the back with her. I really wanted to to feel like I really loved her and all so I said ok (mind you MIL has a 2 door car and its very hard to get in and out of the back seat while pregnant let alone in labor) I held her hand and cuddled her between contractions and she was rubbing my belly telling me that I was going to be ok. saying "I'm right here mommy, dont worry, its ok, you're fine" DH beat us there by about 10 mins lol. but we got there and everything and they took me back. they checked me and I was only a 2 but still contracting very regularly at 3 mins so they immediatly hooked up the IV and antibiotics for the GBS. after a bunch of fluids my contractions started to spread out so they started the pitocin. the contractions were definatly not unbearable and at that point I really probably could have done it naturally. but as I was sitting there thinking, I didnt have anyone I needed to prove anything to. and I was just totally physically exhausted. I didnt sleep much the night before, Gracie woke up early I had very strong and painful (yet irregular) contractions all day and I just really wanted some rest before the "time" so I told her that whenever she was ready and the anestiesiologist was ready then I'll go ahead and get the epidural. it was 1am she checked me and I was only at a 3, but I got the epidural. I felt good about it, I didnt feel like a failure in the slightest. sure I really wanted to try to go natural, but I tried and I felt that I would be able to handle it better, and I'd be able rest easier with it. I talked to the nurse and I talked to the anestesiologist about my fears (my epi with Gracie totally paralyzed me, I couldnt move anything at all from the chest down) so he decided to put it in a little lower than normal and he did it differently than I had last time. so I was optomistic that it would be different. well once all the meds took effect it was the same thing. I could feel my left leg, but I was totally paralyzed on my right side. they figure that I must just be very sensitive to that medication. after a couple hours I found it was very hard to breathe. it felt like I had weights on my chest and that I just couldnt lift my chest to take in air. so they turned it down a bit... somthing about normally its at 18 so he turned it down to 14. my breathing got better and I was able to feel a bit more in my legs so obviously I just need a slightly lower dose to make it perfect. anyway it was about 5 am when she checked me again. she said I was fully dialated however my water was sticking out so far and that was the only thing holding baby in so they didnt want to do anything until the doctor got there. because if they broke my water the baby would shoot out lol. about 10 mins later the doc got there, got washed up and dressed, broke my water then we waited.... and waited and waited... no contraction for like 5 mins... here I am 3 nurses in the room my doctor between my legs my feet up in stirups and no contractions. so I said "wow this is so comforting!" finally I got a contraction and everyone was surprised how good of a pusher I was. (like I hadnt done it before or somthing LOL) I got kinda tired and I was really upset that I had a nurse on either side of me with no room for DH... its like they forgot he was there or somthing. anyway I only pushed through like 4 or 5 contractions and the baby was out. they put her on my chest and she looked pretty blue to me but no one else seemed concerned. she wasnt crying but she finally let out a little squeak they took her to the heater thing while they cleaned her up and I finished delivering the placenta and such. as I watched her from my bed she never really cried all that much. every once in a while she'd kinda cough a little. she never got color in her and I voiced my concern about it while I was still getting worked on. they said that they think shes just fair skined and didnt do anything till they noticed that she was holding her breath. since she wasnt crying all that much and she went from blue to white they put the pulse ox on her and it kept going from 90's to 70's and back up. everyone started freaking out calling all the nurses in gettng oxygen on her and trying to get her to breathe on her own. of course they were trying to reassure me that everything was fine and that somtimes it just takes a while to get them to regulate thier breathing. but I dont know about you but when they start talking about having to take her to the NICU and rushing around panicking then that kinda makes me worry. they end up bringing in an incubator (you know the kind with the little hand holes) and taking her away. I, of course was crying my eyes out. anyway they had to call my doctor back in because of somthing. somthing about bleeding too much or not passing a clot or somthing I have no clue because they didnt answer me when I asked what was wrong. we waited for about an hour and they brought her back. she is perfect I am perfect. everything went very well. I did not tear at all or need an episotomy so no stitches. I tore with Gracie and it was horrible. I feel completly normal already it was such a quick recovery I'm even almost done bleeding. the whole experience was just perfect. I count my real labor starting around 8 so with Mackenzie being born at 5:34 thats about 9 1/2 hours.... much better than 22 hours with Gracie. I am just so happy with how things turned out I wouldnt have it any other way.
pics to come!

__________________