Actually, you were the one who brought my DH into it. Not me. I am done talking about our individual situation.

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Dumber.than.a.box.of.rocks. So you posted about fathers rights, and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR DH? Somebody hold me.

And meremoonfawhatevergirl, you aren't fooling anyone by pretending one of your best net buddies subject is interesting. Do you all think the net was born yesterday?

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Dear Jacquie,
You were right about everything.
-Jacie

I don't find most of the debates on this board very interesting.
I find the back and forth battle between you all even less interesting.
I find the court systems interesting... I have been there, on both sides of the fence.
I have watched a dad try his best to get visits/access/custody with his son, and I have dealt with the deadbeat dad of my children...
One thing I have noticed, is that men seem more likely to walk away and give up the battle when they are single. If the dad has a new woman on his side, then he seems more likely to try to be more of an active part of the child's life.
I dont know why this is, maybe because us females sometimes act as the voice of reason and help convince the hubby that they need to re-connect with their child and try again?
With my oldest son, his dad never tried to see him. BUT as soon as he was married, that changed, suddenly he wanted to access his rights. But eventually the novelty wore off, and he slunk back to wherever it is he lives.
Oh.. the pedophile thing? My friend has a daughter that was molested by the father. As soon as this was discovered. My friend and her 4 children left, and the dad went to jail. For a whopping 18 months, minimum security. 2 years probation. As soon as the probation was done, the courts began to ENFORCE visits with his children, INCLUDING the daughter he molested. The daughter was royally p*ssed off. That first visit resulted in the daughter saying "You are not my dad. You are a sperm donor, you stopped being my 'dad' the day you decided to start touching me"... Sometimes the courts seem to get it all backwards. Incidentally, I know of two great women living in the states that through mere accusations of the ex husband, lost custody of their children and the battle still continues.
*jacie.... I am not choosing sides, Im just saying what I know from my own experiences... I have been where you were at with your d/h.... the courts crapped all over my d/h at the time... BUT i think alot of it has to do with the staying pwer of a woman. Women do better under stress like that. They generally are better at verbally defending themselves, they will argue and argue, whereas a man will get p*ssed off and give up. So, I dont know if it is completely biased against men, or if it is more to do with the fact that women come out the winners more frequently because we have the gift of patience.. and the gift of gab

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*points the silly twunt in the direction of the door*

Yes, I became more interested in this topic due to our experience. Does not mean that when I post about father's rights in general that we need to get into DH's personal case. AGAIN.

I actually thought that the system, along with people's attitudes, was unfair before I even met DH. I had one friend who had his child 5 days a week, the mother had her for 2 days. That was by choice, since she liked to go to the bar every night. The Dad provided food, clothing, diapers, toys, everything for the child while in his care. I remember a bunch of women sitting around one day complaining about what a jerk he was because he "was not paying his child support". What kind of attitude is that? She should have been paying him child support!

Anyways, this is stupid.

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It is not so much back and forth. If you have noticed, I do very little bashing. I could get into it but I am above that. However I have done some defending. Although I am done with that. I finally realized that I don't need to defend DH from someone who is not a threat. So a stranger thinks he's a jerk. So? I think he is just like a tall, cool glass of water (straight from the mouth of a vr nurse re DH). Yum!

Ditto!

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Well, I do find that men, unless given alot of support from those around him, tend to give up on custody/access etc. I'm not sure why that is. I know that in a courtroom... my kids dad, and myself... there is no contest. He gets mad, or flustered, even freaks out when the buttons get pushed or the questions are asked. For myself, I feel totally in control of myself when in that situation. I know how to get my point across and I understand what it is the questioner is getting at.... rather than get upset, and feel like its useless and give up, I am more prone to investigative research, making phonecalls, finding out my rights AND my responsibilities.
I think in general, when the going gets really tough in court, rather than bend and adjust, go with the flow , so to speak, they get fed up, frustrated and throw their hands up in the air "FORGET IT!" you know? Too emotionally difficult? Im not sure.
But when a guy has a woman at his side to say "It's okay honey, we'll just call this place and that place, and when they ask this, just answer with that..."etc etc....THEN things seem to change. It's like some men need to be guided through a process which women seem to deal with alot better.
Now, I didnt know your d/h when all that original custody stuff took place, so I cant say what went on there, but in my case, the dad was not intersted in jumping thorugh the 'hoops' put out there for him... BUT when he remarried, suddenly he wanted to be this great dad, and in all honesty, I was p*ssed. I thought, "who the hell do you think you are? Waltzing back into his life after all this time, just because your woman is telling you it's the right thing to do".
I had to get over that.It was definitely a sore spot with me.
But eventually I figured, ok... so what if it took the help of his wife to make him want to right his ways, at least he wants to try, at least now he finally wants to do this.... so I let it go. Then, as I said, the novelty wore off eventually anyhow, so it didnt matter, lol.

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mere, paragraph breaks are your friend. Use them, love them, embrace them.

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Dear Jacquie,
You were right about everything.
-Jacie