I have a question and since this board is always so busy, I was hoping for some answers. Background Info: I am 23, DH is 28, DD1 is 3 and DD2 is almost 4 months. We have been together for 4 1/2 years.

This past year has been pretty rocky for both of us. Back in February - when I was 4 months pregnant with our second daughter, I noticed he had been acting different. Always wanting to hang out with friends (not just every now and then, but every single night for hours upon hours, never leaving his phone out of arms reach, even changing the password on his cell phone. I talked to my best friend about it and she gave me the idea to check his cell phone. I lucked out one night when he didn't have the password protection on it and I found 2 messages from one of our mutual "girl" friends. She was asking him to call her back because she had a "question to ask of him". The other one was her saying she was returning his call. She and her BF were out of town and I asked my DH why she was calling him and he said "to complain about her BF". I'm sorry but if I had something to complain about my DH, I would call one of my girlfriends, not his "guy friends". YKWIM? Anyway, I left it at that then I noticed he had a motel number in Texas. That's where she and her BF were staying. DH never mentioned calling her, I didn't ask either. It just bothered me to see this motel # on his phone. I asked him straight up if there was something going on between them and he said "not really".. and I said "not really?" he said "yeah, we just talk". I asked him if they had ever been together and he said no. A long time ago, he lived with them and would keep an eye on things while her BF worked on the road. He said nothing ever happened.

Well...... I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on. I always had this knot in my stomach and every time I see her, I get sick to my stomach. So one night while the kids were at my mom's, I asked him again if anything had been going on. He said no. I asked him who all he had been with from our town and he said her name. I said " Hold up, you have been with her?" He said "Yeah... I thought you knew". I cannot explain how p***** off I was. I said " I asked you flat out if you had ever been with her.. numerous times and you always said no". I was soooooo hurt.. I almost walked out. DH then explained to me that he was just so ashamed of his past because he has down a lot of things that I haven't. I'm pretty much a goody goody.. never been in trouble, always dated the "right" people according to everyone else and my DH... he has been through more than any guy should. I completely understand how one can be ashamed of their past and not want to tell me something that would inevitably hurt me but.. He always says I am too good for him and none of his friends understand why we are together... hearing that makes me feel sad because I know he thinks we are so different but somehow, it feels so right to be together. We compliment each other so well.

I'm typing this at work right now because I cannot get over it and I'm trying to do everything I can to make this marriage work. How can I get him to see that he can be honest with me. I have very little trust in him right now... especially in what he says. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. That is the quote of my life.

Am I completely overreacting or should I feel this way with good reason? We live in a very small town and I kid you not, 80% or more of all relationships here end up divorcing because of one spouse cheating. I need some advice on how to mend us back together.

Thank you for even reading this if you made it this far.

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