Hello,

I am looking to get some feedback on a situation that I am facing. My wife and I are expecting our first child (due March 17) and I could not be happier. She hit 34 weeks this past weekend. Through out the entire pregnancy I feel that I have been extremely supportive and catering to her every need and she has told me that she appreciates everything. I have read numerous pregnancy books and have tried to be as involved as I possibly can.

Starting about her 32nd week work and daily tasks has become much more difficult for her. She is a teacher which being on her feet all day with 27 kids doesn’t help the situation. I feel very bad because I can't even imagine all the changes and stress that she is under.

The reason I have made this post is because the last week or 2 things have been a bit stressful at home. Every year my company has a national sales meeting in Florida which is coming up this next weekend. The trip last 4 days Sunday-Wednesday, and is classified as a "mandatory" meeting.

Our arguments have started because she gets upset that I will be in Florida having fun and socializing while she has to be at home alone and restricted and struggling to make it through the days. Also that my life hasn't changed, but everything has changed for her, which I do understand what she is saying, but in the same respect I feel nothing I say is correct or comforting. She also believes that I am only going on the trip because I want to and that it is being selfish, even though that is not the case.

The situation is I think (and I am not sure) that if I approached my manager I probably could get out of going to on the trip, even though it is deemed mandatory. Where I need feedback is that in my mind she will be 35 weeks, the pregnancy has gone extremely smooth, and there has been no signs that she has a chance to go significantly early.

I feel that I am not being selfish by going on the business trip. I only travel once a year and this is it and it is not something that I schedule or have control over. However, this is our first baby; we don't have any close friends that have been pregnant so I honestly don't know if I am being inconsiderate. I know everyone’s situation is different, but I am sure other couples have ran into similar situations and would like to know if you think I should (if possible) try and get out of the trip, or if I should go, what are some comforting things/facts that I could use to leverage my case. I would appreciate any feedback!!

Not being amommy yet but in the game (our first ivf is next month)
my husband is with a union that can at times move their "men" out of
state for several months at a time....he has told me if he has to go
where the money is next hoiday season then he is going.....or we dont
eat...........I cant imagine running our home (we heat our house with
woodburning stoves) lugging the wood in...........attending to a newborn
ect ect ect pets included. I dread this and pray he will always have work
in NY................he was away last yr Oct05 untl Jan06 thankfully
we werent in our new house yet.....he got away this year thankfully
but I fear next year....
I understand your wifes concerns being "so close" to yr baby coming
does she have another close person "parents" who could stand in?
I stopped worrying...... long long time ago
it only made matters worse for our marriage..............now I go with the
flow!
I wish you a ton of luck! And a beautiful delivery..............Barbara

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Fourth Anniversary






may someone love you enough to forgive your faults,
be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about
your virtues. And may we live in a world at peace
and with the awareness of God's love in every
sunset, every flower's petals, every lover's kiss
and every wonderful, astonishing miraculous beat
of our Heart.

Well, as you stated, the meeting is mandatory. If she was aware of this in previous years, why would she assume the "status" of the meeting had changed?

I do know that the end of pregnancy can be extremely stressful. Not only is the woman overloaded with hormones, she is extremely uncomfortable. Between pelvic pressure, the inability to get comfortable, incessant trips to the bathroom, and baby's sharp kicks, it can make anyone cranky. She is probably also dealing with extreme insecurity. It may not be rational, but it's there.

When I was extremely large in the end, I was extremely paranoid of my husband cheating on me. I know he has an aversion to larger women, and I just couldn't separate being huge and pregnant, and just being huge. So, him leaving for a few days would have driven me insane.

All of that being said, ask yourself these questions:

Does your job rest on whether or not you attend this function?

Why are you REALLY going? Is it soley for the job, or do you need a social escape?

Is your wife secure that you wouldn't be unfaithful? (very important to an extremely pregnant woman)

Good luck

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You know when I was pregnant I knew there were times that I was being irrational and the fact that I couldn't control my thoughts and feelings just made me feel ten times worse. I hated not being able to stop myself and go "It is okay. You are making a mountain out of a molehill." I could tell myself that but when I was feeling irrational, it didn't matter. I know this really doesn't have a lot of bearing on your situation but I guess I'm just trying to put out there what a lot of women go through.

Since your wife is expecting your first and so far has been very healthy and everything looks good, I don't think it is "wrong" for you to go. There is always a chance that yes she could go into labor early but it is not likely.

It really does suck when you are pregnant and you know that others are going to be able to go out and have some fun without you. You know that is all for the best and you know it won't last forever but it really does make you feel pretty isolated.

I don't know your financial situation or where you are at, but maybe you can setup with a female friend of hers who she is close with to spend the weekend with her. That way she doesn't feel so alone. If you have the resources maybe it would be fun to set her up for a spa day out that weekend you are gone. I had a spa trip about 2 weeks before I had my daughter. They have special massages just for pregnant women. She can get a facial, pedicure and manicure. It really made me feel like a new woman when I came out of there. Maybe you can try to swing something like that for her while you are away.

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Snowy days!



Jennifer (37) & Chris (41)
Alex 3.5
Teagan 1

Hey Emaline, that's a great idea

The dad of my two youngst children was a cheater. He spent both my pregnancies in the bar. I was too stupid back then to get myself out of it.

If you are doing everything you should, and making her feel loved and important (extrememely important when we are HUGE and awkward and emotional) then I don't think you should feel guilty about going, EVEN if it's because you want a lil bit of 'you' time. If she is going to be alone though, that can be tough. She might be feeling scared and insecure right now and if Emaline's suggestion isnt feasible and if your wife REALLY is throwing a stink about you going, then maybe...... you should just pass on it.
It's a hard call, but you know, she is getting closer to the end and if she went into labour & delivery alone, it is something both of you may have a tough time reconciling.

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You need to sit down with your wife and have a heart-to-heart about the real reasons that (1) you want to go and, (2) she doesn't want you to go. It is not unusual for babies to be born from 36wks onwards so keep that in mind, and even if you aren't worried about the baby coming early, just think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed. She will be too hormonal and emotional to ask her to do the same, sorry. It may be tough, but this is what pregnancy especially the last few weeks, is all about. To be completely honest with you, if my husband had left me at home, all alone, and pregnant, especially the 1st child, I would be super mad at him. She is probably also very anxious about the pending labor and what she is going to have to endure to delivery your beautiful little baby. This has got to be one of the most stressful times in a womans life, so while you may be getting the rough end of the stick right now, it will definately pay off for you in the long run.

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Yeah, I didn't even want my husband three HOURS away my first pregnancy after I hit 30-some weeks. I was paranoid, but I wanted to be prepared for ALL possibilities.

If it means that much to her, I'd have a talk with your boss about whether you can miss this or not. If so, I'd skip it.

You aren't "wrong" for wanting to go, and she may indeed be acting irrationally, but at this point it really doesn't matter.

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5 wks til due date...i think you should be ok if you go..slim chance she will go early but you never know. dont take everything she feels right now to heart. i am a new mommy and i wanted my fiance by me 24/7 and didnt realize at the time that he had work to do also. pregnant women get hormones and im sure they are getting the best of her right now...its scary being BIG, tired, nervous...etc. good luck

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1 yr old~ 21 lbs 5 oz and 32 1/4 in.