Do you think sex is important to a marriage? If so, does it need to be regular? And what is regular to you?

Do you think lack of sex would be a valid reason for divorce? What about 'stepping outside' a sexless marriage to 'get some'?

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Do you think sex is important to a marriage?
Oh, Definately! I'm always in "heat" lol. I couldn't live without it.


If so, does it need to be regular? Yes

And what is regular to you?
If it were up to me, regular would be daily. Since dh has a say in it, it's weekly :p

Do you think lack of sex would be a valid reason for divorce?
I suppose if the relationship were completely devoid of sex , and both partners were able. I'd want to find the root of the issue before resorting to divorce,though.

What about 'stepping outside' a sexless marriage to 'get some'?

I don't agree with infidelity for any reason. This is unless it's an open marriage, and different "rules" have been set.

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I do think it's important. I don't think it's the back bone of marriage, but I feel it plays a very important role. At least for me & my Dh. I don't EVER think "stepping outside the marriage" is ok. If there are problems with sex in the marriage I think the couple should seek help. I suppose if the problem isn't addressed/fixed and one party is that unhappy without sex then it could be grounds for divorce. I would personally seek help to find out what the issue was first (ie: lack of attraction, sexual disfunction, etc).

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Andrea (35) Dh (35)
Co-host of 30-Something Parenting
Infertility Survivor!!! I love my IVF girls!

Do you think sex is important to a marriage? Important..maybe, but certainly not vital. I could certainly do without it.


If so, does it need to be regular? And what is regular to you? Regular to me would be once a month at most. Regular to dh would be every other day.

Do you think lack of sex would be a valid reason for divorce? No.

What about 'stepping outside' a sexless marriage to 'get some'? No

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"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged." -- Ronald Reagan

So, curious. Do you compromise?

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If you mean do I give in, yep.

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"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged." -- Ronald Reagan

Well, good to hear. Although, to be honest, have you ever considered counselling? Only because there seems to be a huge difference in how much you and your DH desire sex.

Seems to me that if you only desire sex once a month maybe your DH is not doing a good job of fulfilling your needs?

I dunno. I felt the same about an ex-bf. No interest in sex. But we were wrong for each other. Not saying at all that this is your situation.

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Nope

Dh does GREAT at fulfilling my needs. I just don't need it that often. Working full time and raising the 3 boys, along with cooking and cleaning also has something to do with my lack of need/desire.

Dh and I have a wonderful relationship. Sex is only a small part of it though.

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"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged." -- Ronald Reagan

I think sex is very important. There is more to sex than just penatration. When you have kids, somtimes its the only way to communicate. Sex lately has been scarce around here lately though and I feel.......like there may be something else wrong, even though I know there is not. Adam has been sick so I am tired and dh has been working 14 hour days. So while I KNOW there is nothing wrong, that hormonal woman deep inside me, thinks there is.

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I guess I am the opposite. I looooooove sex! I work full time and have three kids too and my libido is high. At the end of the day I need that intimate connection with someone I love. Too bad I dont have someone to love right now. Not saying that you cannot be intimate with each other in other ways, if sex is your only intimate connection I find that problematic too. But for me it is the ultimate way of expressing my love. And if I am not attracted to someone and not feeling any connection with them, sex just sucks. All it does is scratch the itch, which I can do by myself. So, I have to have the connection in order to be able to express my connection through sex. Not sure I am making much sense.

That totally makes sense and is the same for me. I had an ex-bf that I lived with for six years. It was an unhealthy relationship (he was verbally abusive and suffered from depression). I had no interest in having sex with him, although "technically" everything in that dept. was good. As a result, I avoided being intimate with him like the plague.

Totally different with DH. I could have sex with him twice a day. Unfortunately, he cannot keep up! But he does manage three times a week or so...

I definitely have to feel a connection to want to be intimate.

This is in no way infering that couples who do not have this type of sex drive don't have a good marriage. Just my own experience.

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I think sex is important, but not the be all and end all.. we have three kids here, PLUS I ahve and additional 4 that I do daycare for. And I'm pregnant, and find myself very tired most of the time.

But I crave that intimacey. Even if it isnt actual penetration, I want to feel like a WOMAN at the end of the day, hehe.. not just someones mother or caregiver. I want that beautiful sexual aspect nurtured and attended to
I am happy with three times a week. But lately it has been weekly because Ive been a lame-o and just feel so tired. (Remember JAcie, when I was trying to get preggo, and my d/h was the one having the hard time on command? hehe, things have changed)

I think as long as both parties are comfortable with the frequency of intimacey its good. there doenst need to be a fixed regularity... BUT if there is a big difference in needs then it should be addressed. I don't agree with infidelity, but I can imagine how frustrating it would be to crave sex daily yet only receive it monthly. I am sure that is how many affairs start out.

I think honestly that lack of interest in sex can be a sign of trouble. (if tiredness, illness etc is ruled out)

I knew my last relationship was over because I realized that there was just no interest on my part anymore as far as sex was concerned.

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I agree with Jen on this!!

Do you think sex is important to a marriage? Yes, to an extent. If so, does it need to be regular? No. And what is regular to you? 1 - 3 times a week.

Do you think lack of sex would be a valid reason for divorce? No.

What about 'stepping outside' a sexless marriage to 'get some'? I dont agree, but there could be other circumstances surrounding the sexless marriage.

Yes, it's very important in our marriage. Thank goodness we both like it on a daily basis (except during my fertile period since we are not planning another baby for the next few months).
I don't think a marriage is happy when one wants it all the time and the other doesn't. I can understand persons stepping outside of the marriage if it's withheld by the other partner, although personally, I'd rather end the marriage/relationship first before seeking another partner...

my thoughts: yeah i'd have sex every dang day if he wanted too but he works like crazy and is tired so its probly every other day right now! i am ok with it. i'd never divorce due to lack of sex and i do find it a "plus" in marriage but its not gonna be what "makes my marriage" id never step out to find someone else either.

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I don't think it's essential. Personally, I could go without sex for the rest of my life.......No Wait, I take it back! I take it back!! I never said that!

I think it would be hard to be with S/O for the rest of my life without expressing my love for him in a physical way (as cheesy as that sounds)...and I don't think S/O could go without having sex because...well, he's a stereotypical man!!! On the other hand, people do manage to have a successful marriage without having sex. What if a partner is unable to function properley down there because of a medical reason? What if one partner is paralysed from the waist down? If my S/O was, I'd still be with him forever. I love him. Isn't love more than sex?

I think that people who blame the breakdown of their marriage on no sex are just looking for an excuse to get away from their partner. I think the whole 'we don't have sex' thing is complete bull. I wouldn't stop loving my S/O if we couldn't have sex.

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[quote=Cezzie]I don't think S/O could go without having sex because...well, he's a stereotypical man!!! QUOTE]

On the other hand, he managed to go all last summer without anything, so I guess he feels the same as I do.

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I think that sex plays a part in most relationships, but it often something that is worked out between the people in the relationship. Some people are happy with not having sex very often, others like sex to play a bigger part in their relationship and others just aren't keen. As long as both people are happy with their relationship, sex can play a big part or a small part or something in between. Its a very personal thing. Sex alone doesn't make a relationship for most people. It plays a part. The size of that part depends on the needs and wishes of the people in the relationship.

I think sex is very important for a healthy marriage. I think it is an intimate connection and also a way to experess yourself. I think its weird if guys are TOO into sex, its almost creepy, but normal regular sex is important. I think a few times a week is normal. I recently battled with Postpartum depression and me and dh didnt have sex for 3 weeks, but I have a normal loving husband that had no problems with it and neer brought it up. He knew what I was going through. Now we are pretty much back to normal.

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Danielle (27) Loving mom to Austin born January 7th 2006