Growing up, we've all had that guy in school, or at our favorite hang out spot that made our heart rate speed up, and made us blush when talking to him.

Did you choose that attraction? Did you choose which boys caused you to become flustered, or blush? Did you choose to think that little boy in 5th grade was cute? Looked at all of the boys in your class, and conciously chose him to have these feelings for, then create the physical response (heart rate etc?)

This is not the same as choosing whether or not to go after said crush. This is inital attractions only.

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Nope. I have no idea what that little blonde haired boy did to me, but he certainly gave me butterflies in my stomach. It only took us 2 yrs for that 1st kiss, too. There wasn't one girl that ever gave me butterflies.

Nah, I knew when I got that tingle feeling down my whole body, it was a crush. When I got to HS, for some reason I was attacted to much older men. NOT BY CHOICE, I just was. Not grandpa looking men, but Richard Gere type men. My friends thought I was sick. Yup, I was the chick that had a crush on a teacher.

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I sure did. In the 3rd grade. I saw a little boy, I thought he was cute, and I walked up and kissed him. Of course it took me a couple weeks to get up the nerve to do it, but nevertheless, he was the one I chose over all the other boys in my class.

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"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged." -- Ronald Reagan

Kim, I think you're having trouble understanding the difference. Unless, this is what you do do, and you're not having entirely human feelings. Social disorder of some sort?

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When you're with your husband, do you conciously say "body, get turned on now". "Okay, now breasts react." "Okay, now down below, you know what to do!" All concious controls? Nothing happens naturally? The shallow , quick breaths? You command your heart race to increase?

This sounds utterly ridiculous. lol

Now you're talking about sex? I thought you were talking about attraction and whether or not you choose who you are attracted to. Of course in the heat of the moment, you can't choose how your body will react, are you serious? You CAN however make the choice of WHO you are attracted to and whether or not to be with that person. You are jumping from topic to topic, so when you decide WHAT we are talking about, let me know, because quite frankly, my sides hurt from laughing so much.

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"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged." -- Ronald Reagan

Maturity at it's finest. NASCAR country is easily amused.

Okay...
An intial attraction often has physiological effects. These include, but are not limited to sweaty palms, blushing, stammering, increased heart rate, change in breathing rate, lightheadedness. This is known in human attraction. This is without sex, or thinking about sex. It's the general nervousness that is not a concious decision. Are you following me thus far?

Now, sex is an exaggerated version of that. The body responds, without cognitive prompting to stimuli. I felt I needed the more obvious example for you to catch on. Since you obviously couldn't relate to the more subtle examples.

Do you understand now? It's okay if you don't. I know many teaching tools, and I can help those who can't catch on easily

Honey, I don't know what you are talking about here.

I understand what you are saying, but...you DO initially choose who you are attracted to. Looks are key here. Yes, you do get sweaty palms and nervousness, but you don't get that feeling unless something about the person(eyes, smile, butt...lol, etc)is attractive to you. Would you get that from looking at some guy with his gut hanging over his pants and yellow teeth? No. If 2 guys are standing in a room, one as I just described and another who is tall, dark, muscular and smells really good, which one are you going to be attracted too? My point is, you are generally going to be attracted to someone you choose.

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"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged." -- Ronald Reagan

See, this is where we disagree. I believe my attraction to "Mr tall dark and handsome" comes without any concious thought. If I could conciously choose who I was attracted to, I might choose the one who isn't as handsome because of other qualities. KWIM?

Those things are attractive to you because you naturally find them attractive. I'm naturally attracted to dark hair. I didn't choose that, I just am. I can choose to be in a relationship with a man of any hair color, but that doesn't change my basic attraction. I am not attracted to the "Cut" (six pack) look on a man. I didn't make that concious decision, I'm just not.

Nature is still a part of us. Some of what we do is instinct, and I don't believe that goes against Christianity. There are initial feelings that we can't control. Just like a fear response to something silly, it happens without thought, but we can choose to talk ourselves into calming down.That's just an example of another instinct we have.

I believe our attractions happen with no prompting (why we would choose the fit male over the sickly looking one), but whether or not we choose to continue to take an interest, or chase after said male, are choices.

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You're right. And feelings aren't what goes against God, actions are. I think that is what I have been trying to convey with the topic of homosexuality. People can be attracted to others of the same sex, but it's the actions, the choices they make, that are sinful. When I talked about the girl I know and you asked why she doesn't just find a man, that isn't who she is attracted to, so she just refrains from being in any relationship. She would rather focus on raising her daughter and pleasing God than anything else.

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"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged." -- Ronald Reagan

Then that's her choice for her child (which is wonderful), not about not finding a woman, but just generally concentrating on raising her child.

So, by saying that, you agree that the initial attraction is not a choice? People can inherently prefer one gender of the other ? I'm not trying to corner you,but that seems to be what you're saying.

We'll just agree to disagree as to the sin aspect. I am no longer a practicing Christian, so we can't see eye to eye on that.

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Well, she didn't just do it for the sake of her daughter(not just raising her, but raising her daughter to not believe her mom is a hypocrit....telling her it is a sin to have sex with another woman, yet doing it herself)but for God.

I guess. I still think you can choose who you are attracted to, but it isn't who you are attracted to that matters it's what actions you take that does.

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"Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged." -- Ronald Reagan

No, I did not choose to be heterosexual anymore than I chose to be a brunette.

I wish I could choose who I was attracted to initially. Could have avoided some crappy relationships in the past.

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When growing up? You mean I'm not allowed to have crushes now?! Damn I'm feeling all, well, crushed.

No I don't believe we can choose our crushes, I believe we have the ability to discern whether or not to act on those feelings depending on various factors.

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Snowy days!



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I think the first attraction to a person has to be physical. You cannot tell by just looking at a person what their personality is going to be like. I never looked at a guy, even in school, and thought, I want to have a crush on him, or I want to kiss him, date him etc. Those feelings just happened.

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