co-sleeping

ICU · #1 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 10:37 AM

At what age should co-sleeping stop? Is there an age that is just "too old" or a point where there would be a moral, even possibly a legal, concern?

I saw this brought up on another board I was lurking on and wondered what the thoughts here would be.

NovAngel · #2 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 11:25 AM

I still co-sleep sometimes for a few hours and then I move him into his own bed so I can spread out and rest better. When are they too old?? I don't have an answer to that one because I really don't care to be honest.

I think by 8-9 I would put a stop to it because he will be too big and keeping me up at night, of course if there was a bad storm or something I would let him in....lord knows with my fear of bad storms I woke my mom up until I was about 13-14, I was too big so I would lay on the floor next to her bed.

Brenda2005 · #3 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 11:38 AM

I didn't cosleep with my first two but did with JJ until he was form and i'm currently cosleeping with Elias. Like the op said, if there are storms or nightmares, my dd who is 10 will crawl into bed with me. I think whatever feels comfortable to the family

cin1294 · #4 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 12:16 PM

My oldest co-slept until he was 6 and he only stopped because I made him stop. I was pregnant with my 2nd and needed the room. Chandler still co-sleeps and he is 3. We let him fall asleep and most nights we put him in his bed. There are some nights where he will wake up an get back in bed with us. I am going to try to avoid co-sleeping with this baby because I want the bed to just DH & I and since the baby will be rooming in with us she will be close enough for BF.

I don't think it matters when anyone stops co-sleeping. What ever works for the family is best. I stopped at 6 yrs old because Michael moves around alot at night and I couldn't stand being kick in the middle of the night.

Brenda2005 · #5 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by Brenda2005

I didn't cosleep with my first two but did with JJ until he was form and i'm currently cosleeping with Elias. Like the op said, if there are storms or nightmares, my dd who is 10 will crawl into bed with me. I think whatever feels comfortable to the family

Ack..i meant to say JJ coslept with us until he was four, not form..lol

BooBooKItty · #6 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 01:09 PM

I stopped cosleeping when DS1 was about 2-3. Some nights he fell asleep in our bed but we would put him in his own. Up to the age of 4-5 he would crawl in bed with us occasionally. I personally just like my space with DS. I will probably start moving DS2 to his own room when he's about 3 as well.

Sarah · #7 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 01:13 PM

Clarke is still co-sleeping, and I have no plans to move him out of the bed anytime soon. It's just the two of us, and even though he is a little bed hog and kicks the crap out of me, I sleep better knowing he is close and, imo, safer.

At what age should co-sleeping stop? Is there an age that is just "too old" or a point where there would be a moral, even possibly a legal, concern?

I slept with my parents on and off until I was 14 or 15-- and at that point, like Gab (NovAngel), I was sleeping on the floor, and normally only when I had serious nightmares or there was a really horrible storm. I don't believe that there is any 'moral' or 'legal' concern with co-sleeping at any age. If it was more then co-sleeping, sure. But in general, just co-sleeping is not an issue, and it really just depends on the family and what works best for them.

Emaline · #8 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 01:54 PM

Alex stopped co-sleeping with us between 5 and 7 months. Well he would've been quite happy to be in bed but he was not sleeping

for him it was party time. If he was in his crib he would sleep so that is what we did. He still sleeps with us if he gets a bad cold. Teagan has co-slept with us from day one. We are trying to transition her into her crib right now for naps as I won't leave her in the bed alone. We are doing pretty good gone from her waking up 5 seconds after her head hits the crib to making it to almost an hour.

It was different with my family as my Dad has always worked nights so if I was scared or something was bothering me, it was not a big deal to climb into my mothers bed. Hell I probably still could if I needed too.

geela · #9 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 02:50 PM

I think a child around 6 or 7 should be able to sleep alone, but see nothing wrong a child needing to be close because of nightmares, storms or illness.

Myantek · #10 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 04:12 PM

We stopped co-sleeping with Alexander about 3 weeks ago. It was just too crowded with him in the bed and every time I got up to feed Thomas he'd wake up too. There have been a few nights that either DH or I had to snuggle with him for a bit and I don't have a problem with him deciding he needs to be close because he gets scared or sick or whatever. So I guess there's no true age that I think it has to stop but 5-6 I think he should be able to get to sleep on his own.

michelemiller · #11 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 05:19 PM

our 3yo still sleeps in the family bed, although i don't sleep there bc of my back right now. it's dh and ds in the bed right now. but i'm slowly returning bit by bit (first night was last night). dd will be in a cosleeper next to the bed. i don't see any reason to kick a child out of the bed unless it's not working for the individual family for whatever reason. i mean, i don't see any moral/legal reasons to kick a child out.

i'm assuming that the OP was referring to some sort of sexual indecency, but i gotta say - that is FAR less likely to happen in a "family bed" than it is to happen in the child's room late at night when nobody else can see. just imo.

Sarah · #12 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 07:44 PM

i'm assuming that the OP was referring to some sort of sexual indecency, but i gotta say - that is FAR less likely to happen in a "family bed" than it is to happen in the child's room late at night when nobody else can see. just imo.

Yeah, that's my thoughts on that whole issue as well. If there were going to be any sort of molestation going on, the family bed is definitely not the place it would be happening- way too easy to be caught. A child's bedroom when everyone else is asleep behind a closed door would be the place where anything indecent would happen.

roxrkool · #13 (**permalink**) 02-25-2006, 10:05 PM

Our son never slept with us in our bed, except sometimes after DH left for work early in the morning, but I often slept with him in his own bed. We also sleep together sometimes when DH is snoring and I sneak off to the spare bedroom and DS usually follows. I love sleeping with him and when DH had the opportunity a few times, he agreed. There's something so comforting about sharing a bed with your child.

Do I think there should be a limit? I suppose the limit is whatever the family agrees on.

momnid · #14 (**permalink**) 02-26-2006, 07:57 AM

When I married DH, his son from his first marriage was 9, and he visited in the summer. When he would visit, he had his room at our house, he would want to sleep with DH and I. I thought he was a bit old. I can totally understand the whole nightmares or storms thing, but I think at 9, doing it on a regular basis, is a bit too old.

Emaline · #15 (**permalink**) 02-26-2006, 12:44 PM

Maybe he was scared because he was not at his regular home and wanted the comfort of his Dad.

michelemiller · #16 (**permalink**) 02-26-2006, 03:34 PM

can i just ask...why is it too old? i'm 30 and i never sleep alone if i can help it

Kadydid · #17 (**permalink**) 02-26-2006, 04:31 PM

My only question is, when do you have sex?

Besides the sex part, I could never get on board for myself with co-sleeping, just because I can't actually sleep with a baby. I tried it with Owen, it was not happening. I was always worried I would roll on top of him or DH would accidentally smack him (in his sleep). So when we did do it, I always slept on my side guarding the baby and my arm would always fall asleep. Not for me.

LindaD · #18 (**permalink**) 02-26-2006, 04:57 PM

Katie and Amber were 7 and 9 when Bill moved in. Prior to that, they would usually climb in with me sometime in the night. I had a queen bed all to myself for so long that it was no big deal... plenty of room, not interupting anything, etc. They did stop coming in cold-turkey when Bill moved in, but they often slept with each other.

Sarah was like a freaking boomerang... she was in our bed until finally at age 5, just a few months shy of 6, we drew a line in the sand and said NO MORE.

Jadie has never liked to sleep with us. She shares a room with Sarah. Lately, when Sarah is gone (she was at her aunt's house last weekend), Jadie comes in with us. She's 4 and she's probably slept with us 3 times in her life. Sometimes, she would come in for awhile and they say "OK, I'm ready to go back to my bed."

Rae-Rae is an ANGEL sleeper in her own bed. While I'd love to cuddle with her, I'm not going to do anything to upset an ideal situation.

Jescafa · #19 (**permalink**) 02-26-2006, 07:03 PM

I really don't get that twitchy about age limits with cosleeping. As long as everyone is happy and getting sleep, super. If any member of the cosleeping party is unhappy or sleepless, then you probably need to figure something else out.

As for me, what Kadydid said. It was not going to work for us. I tried a couple of times, out of desperation, b/c DD had colic, but it didn't help. That was the end of that. I too never felt safe doing it.

Like I said before, I don't get too twitchy about age limits re. cosleeping, but honestly there is something about cosleeping with newborns that flips me out--I mean in a scared way, not a mad way. It just doesn't seem safe to me; it just doesn't. I know all about the evidence on both sides of THAT debate, no need to get into it. I just am saying that to the degree cosleeping makes me uncomfortable, it's about the tiny babies rather than the older kids.

roxrkool · #20 (**permalink**) 02-26-2006, 07:09 PM

Yeah, I'm not much on co-sleeping with infants as I didn't trust myself not to accidentally hit the baby with an elbow or something. That's why I slept horribly when I did co-sleep. Once my son got a little older, I started sleeping with him better - although he's a wild sleeper so I usually would end up with a knee in the back of the head and a foot in the gut.