This was my post from the first thread:

This actually hits home a bit with me though. Dh never had a problem with bf'ing, we was just never supportive per say. That still bothers me to this day. I didn't make it very long with Adam and it really does hurt because I had NO support. Will my marriage end over it, no. He never said anything hurtful, he just never said anything. With Adam being my first, I had no idea how hard bf'ing was. I didn't know bleeding cracked nipple were normal. I hope to bf the next for alot longer and since dh has seen how important it is to me and the next baby, he is more supportive. I think he just needed to be more educated on the subject. Hell, we both did!!

I think some husband are not bad fathers for not wanting their wife to bf, just not well educated on that subject. Which was our case. I really wish I had found these message boards sooner because you always read about ladies have a hard time with it and maybe then, dh and I could have read up on it more.

To the orignal question, my child comes first. My child NEEDS me, dh doesn't. He is an adult and can take care of himself, Adam can't.


But I also wanted to add to the women who are not moms yet, please please PLEASE educate yourself on the subject. MAKE your dh also. It is amazing how much you need them. You just give birth and your hormones are going crazy, you do need your dh then. I did anyway.

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No, I was simply pointing out that a lot of people said they'd divorce their husband if he was a jerk about BF; but in truth, if you love the schmuck, divorce would not be that easy. So basically, the average woman would either ignore him and let him stew, stop/modify BF, or let him do the leaving.

There's a lot of judging going on based on what some people THINK they would do. I don't think that's fair.

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No I did not use the word "skank".

I do not think that women who have children with different men are bad people. Stuff happens in life.

My husband was never married to the mother of his child. It was not a planned pregnancy.

She has another child but is not married.

My husband and I regularily say derogatory things about her as she deserves no respect, but that is an entirely different story that has nothing to do with this.

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okey dokey then.

I wanted to BF my daughter and I had issues and after 3 months of trying very hard I no longer had any milk and I had to stop. When we first came home from the hospital that first night Makenzie was crying and I was trying to get her to latch and Mike (DH) rolled over and went back to sleep. The next day in tears I told him that this was his child too and even if he can't feed her he could stay up (he took the first week off so it wasn't like he had to get up for work) with me and rub my back and tell me I was doing a good job and it will be okay. He apologized and things got better. I love my husband and I love my daughter and my daughters needs would come over his in a heart beat but some things are not worth ending a marriage over and I believe BFing is one of them not worth ending a marriage over. I could only nurse for 3 month because of my body and durng those three months I always had to supliment with formula. My daughter had tummy issues and 6 types/brands of formula later we finally found something that did not make her sick that we could put with my BM. Had Mike ever said this was interfering with our marriage I would of weighed the out comes and decided what was best for my daughter and our family and if stopping was it I would have done that. Knowing Makenzie is now 11 month old and healthy and fine I know that while they say BM is best that it is not the end all and the Be all and formula fed children do just fine. I would like to try and BF the baby I am pregnant with but if it winds up being too difficult with an 18 month old I WILL stop and use formula.

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I believe that bf is best, when it can be done, and I completely support bf and extended bf. However, I ff due to medical reasons. At first I had a hard time with it, but now, with #3 on the way, I know that bf is not the only way to have a healthy and well-adjusted baby and toddler.

I think during the infancy and toddler stage, when your baby relies on you to sustain his life (ie feed him, change him, hold him, etc), his NEEDS come before your dh's NEEDS, without question. As your child starts to get older, more independent and self-reliant, that probably changes. Its hard to say exactly when this happens but things start to shift.

For example: dh and I co-sleep for the first 6 months to a year. Its something we both feel strongly about and want to do. However, we make the transition from our bed to their bed anywhere from 6 months to 15 months, depending on the child and his particular needs. By 15 months, we expect our kids to sleep the whole night in their beds (fortunately it has been an easy transition for both kids and by 12 months they were happily sleeping 10 hours at night in their own beds). There are still occasional nights when they will wake up crying, wanting to come in our beds. We always go in and talk to them. If they are sick, they are welcome in our bed anytime. If they are scared, we talk to them and stay with them til they fall asleep, but if they just want to come in our bed to be in our bed, we say no and tell them they are big enough to sleep alone, leave the night light on, and we go back to bed. We also feel strongly that since they are now older (almost 4 and 20 months), our bed is just for US. We need time as a couple to be together and time for sex to nurture our relationship. Unless they are sick, our privacy and intimacy comes before them simply wanting to be in our bed for the sake of being in our bed. Of course, there are always exceptions to this but you get the idea.

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Carolyn

My IVF Miracles:

Another example that I can think of happened recently.

Dh came and told me he needed a few days away with just me to 'reconnect'. Since having our first almost 4 years ago, we haven't spent anytime (overnight) away from them except for 2 nights when I had #2, the night my fil passed away, the night we moved, and the weekend we redid our kitchen. No alone time in 4 years. I just don't like to leave them when they are little. Not that others aren't capable of taking care of them, but what if they need their mother? Anyway, I wasn't crazy about the thought of being away for several nights, especially since Carter had just gotten over croup and an ear infection. I thought 1 night would be nice but dh wanted a few nights away. So I agreed, even though it was hard to go and we missed the kids, but we had a FABULOUS time just being together. I'm so glad he sort of made me leave the kids for several days, get away, and spend time just the 2 of us.

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Carolyn

My IVF Miracles:

I think there is a *huge* difference between stopping breast feeding because your dh wants to be the only one on your breast and taking a few days away from the kids as a couple.

As I said in the other breastfeeding would not be the problem, it would be either the husband's immaturity/inability to understand a baby has needs far greater than his; or The wife is focusing on the baby to the exclusion of her dh; or a little of both is going on.

It is insane IMO to quit feeding your child the best food you can when you have no medical or psychological reason not too. While bottle feeding can be done by more than one person it is far more time consuming than breast feeding. Yes, there can be nipple sensitivity that can make a woman dislike having her breasts touched other than during breast-feeding, but I can assure you that does not go away for a long time after you stop breast feeding *and* depending on your form of BC following the pregnancy it might not go away for years.

If a marriage is so fragile that it can't withstand a year of breastfeeding then I sincerly hope the couple never has any *real* issues to deal with because they will never make it.

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Asexuality: It's not just for amoebas anymore

"As long as two people love each other I don't think God cares whether they both have a hoo hoo or a haa haa" Marge Simpson