What to do?!?!?

khickey · #1 (**permalink**) 02-23-2008, 01:51 PM

DH and I have been TTC for 8+ years and went for fertility workups back in 2003. We have MF infertility and have undergone 8 unsuccessful rounds of IUI and #9 ending in m/c at 12 weeks all with donor sperm. Therefore I think there may be something wrong with me too even though it is undiagnosed. We are trying to decide whether or not to try again next cycle or to consider a surrogate. We really want to have a baby and I am ready to give it another go but DH is begining to think that a surrogate is a better way. I have a friend who has offered repeatedly to be a surrogate and we are starting to consider it. I think that I'd like a couple more goes at IUI then move on. It's such a big decision! Now that I have filled you in on me here are some questions for you...

1. When do you say enough is enough and give up?

2. Would you consider a surrogate?

3. Would you let a friend who you see daily be a surrogate or would you rather have a stranger?

Sorry about the long post and TIA!

mieko25 · #2 (**permalink**) 02-23-2008, 03:07 PM

Kari,

First of all if I was in your siguation I would would not give up just yet. Uou got pregnant with a IUI. I would try a few IUI's and then move IVF before I considered surrogate. Is surrogate cheaper then IUI's?

khickey · #3 (**permalink**) 02-24-2008, 05:49 AM

No but it is cheaper than IVF. I am just fearful of another loss. I don't think I handle it!

SweetMissAngel · #4 (**permalink**) 02-24-2008, 10:38 AM

These are really hard questions. Also very personal and hard for someone else to know. I know you went through quite a loss, but I agree that it might be worth trying more IUIs. It all depends on what you are able to handle and how far you want to go to have a child of your own. Have you considered talking with a counselor? There are many that specialize in fertility issues. It sounds like you have a lot to think about. Maybe some guidance would be helpful. I know I am starting to feel like I would do just about anything, so nothing is really out of the question. Good luck to you in dealing with these questions. Let us know if you need anything.

momma2angels · #5 (**permalink**) 02-24-2008, 03:40 PM

Lurking here.. (((HUGS)))
Don't ever give up. I am so glad I never did!
I had 4 losses in between my two miracles. This last pregnancy was our last try and I made it full term (not without problems.. needed clomid/HCG trigger shot,progesterone until 12 wks,bleeding,.bedrest on and off since 7 wks, and lots of false labor scares). It took 6 yrs to get miracle #2 and she was well worth the wait and everything I went thru to get her.

AkaMsPris · #6 (**permalink**) 02-24-2008, 08:49 PM

I agre with the other ladies...It is a very personal decision...however....I would not give up just yet esspecially if you think there is a problem with you....Have you checked out thoughly!! I would also maybe get a second opinion if need be. Just be very blunt with your RE...tell him/her what you want... and what your concerns are...I just went through having to do that...My RE wanted me to do a natural cycle...no meds and I told him my concerns and he really listen to me and we ended up changing our plan baised on what I said to him....so it never hurts to be honest with your RE....

I hope that whatever decision you make brings you your bfp asap!!!!

mcweix · #7 (**permalink**) 02-25-2008, 06:50 AM

I really feel for your situation, I think we all do. Here's my answers, but as the other said, it's really all about how you and DH feel about it!

1. When do you say enough is enough and give up?

2. Would you consider a surrogate?

3. Would you let a friend who you see daily be a surrogate or would you rather have a stranger?

mcweix · #8 (**permalink**) 02-25-2008, 07:02 AM

I really feel for your situation, I think we all do. Here's my answers, but as the other said, it's really all about how you and DH feel about it!

1. When do you say enough is enough and give up?
We gave up this last summer after our second loss. We had set a $$ limit and had reached that and at that point we were really worn out from everything we just decided to move on, however, now we are back at it and excited that we have a new RE and know that iui worked 3 times out of 4 for us even though the last 2 were very short pg's (5 weeks)

2. Would you consider a surrogate?
Yes, we have but also worry about the strain it may have on the relationship you have with the person. They need to consider their own health and may have to risk your child in the process.

3. Would you let a friend who you see daily be a surrogate or would you rather have a stranger?
Definatly a friend, someone I could share the pg with. I just worry that if a choice had to be made, and I wasn't the one to make it.....(it is their body and until the baby comes out.....) how I might handle that.

I hope that you talk with a surrogate counselor before you make any choices, we did, and found out alot of things that we wern't aware of. Like for instance that yes, it is your child, however, it is treated as hers until the delivery and even though you may decide on certain things in advance like painkillers for delivery, she will have the final say. Basically, you (and in turn your child) is at the mercy of this person. That's why I say sometone you know would be a better choice. However, if they choose to go their own route and not respect your wishes for the pg, will you be okay with that?

I really hope this helps, I just went over this in September last year and our counselor was wonderful and was right in our RE's office. When I mentioned the surrogate option to our RE, the counseling session was manitory for informational purposes and also, they test you to see if you really are ready to cope with this decision and if they think you are not they won't give clearance.