Friendly advice

mcweix · #1 (**permalink**) 08-06-2007, 07:48 AM

I just need to know and since we are all in the same boat....I have 3 bff's. 2 are married and have children, one is in college and lives at home with her parents. A few years ago when 1 bff and I were pg this bff decided that when she had one year left of college she would pick a donor and ttc on her own. She's only 27! She keeps asking ?'s and I want to be supportive but I just know how important it is to have the support of DH by my side and when DD finally came he was such a big help. I do think she will be a great mom, it's not that. She is just so sensitive that the whole process might be devistating with nobody to lean on. I just know that she's going to meet the right guy someday and wish she would wait. Then again Dh & I waited and look where we are....I just don't know what to tell her. Help.....

AkaMsPris · #2 (**permalink**) 08-06-2007, 11:50 PM

I really am not sure what to tell her...My advice is this....

I have a childhood friend who has been ttc as long as I had and is now starting her ttc journey.....I am VERY candid and sometimes brutally honest with her about this process...She has been with me for the disappointments and the m/c...So she is well aware...BUT she also has seen the joy that this process can bring....

Long and short...the point...BE HONEST....I think that is all you can do. Let her make her decision based on that. I also highly recommened sheknows to my friend....Have her come over to your house or just have her read some story's here and see if she is truely ready to make the commitment!

Best wishes!!

angie33 · #3 (**permalink**) 08-07-2007, 04:54 AM

I agree! You should be candid and honest, you don't have to be "mean" per se to be honest. Definately invite her to read some of the ladies stories on here and let her know that you're worried she doesn't have a dh to support her during the rough times. I have 3 friends who are supportive, but are very fertile and my Mom is a godsend but I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my dh to be there in my darkest moments...again and again.

I know it's important as a friend to be supportive of her decisions and I would be no matter what she would choose to do, but she still has time and is still in college, just seems like to me it's not the best timing.

Sorry that's just my opinion, nothing against her at all! I'm sure she'll make a wonderful mother when it's time....

mcweix · #4 (**permalink**) 08-07-2007, 04:13 PM

Thanks ladies, I agree, I don't think this is the right time for her either but it's also not my choice and I realise that. I know how wonderful the experience is with someone who loves you by your side. I guess I want her to have the joy and not as much hardship as I know single mothers have. Not to mention the added cost of iui and donor samples. Thanks, I guess I just have to invite her over and sit her down for one of those chats and let her know I will stand by her nomatter what she decides. I guess being through it all I have some pretty good advice too. I wish I had someone who went through all this and could guide me. Thanks again
!