donor IUI - emotions and questions

SmittyJr · #1 (**permalink**) 06-07-2008, 09:44 AM

Hi girls: Just as DH and I were both 100% on the same page with adoption and moving forward with the process.

He decided to tell me TODAY that he is actually comfortable with donor sperm. (We had the discussion following our failed IVF to which he said, "no way".)

Also, as a mini background, he's got very low motility 3-8% and low morph 25%... We have a .1% chance of conceiving naturally.

First, I got super excited, then felt a flood of guilt about delaying adoption, then mix in some Christian values unknowns... Of course if we would get PG from DIUI I thought about, how would we tell our child, explain to our families, explain to people that no the baby doesn't look like DH. I know these are all a rash of unknowns that just all hit me at once.

I've seen some wonderful posts from you all as to how well it all worked out... I loved the story of the gal having her second DIUI with the same donor. Any suggestions on how to approach this rationally?

Suggested reading, moral support? Your DHs mindset in using donor swimmers?

Is it selfish of me to want to have a baby that is "part" one-of-us?

Whew, I'm still FLOORED he brought this up today!

Thanks for reading this far!

ainara · #2 (**permalink**) 06-07-2008, 11:16 AM

When you go the donor route the doctor will look for somebody who looks like your DH, same traits, eye color, high and built, skin color, etc. So the baby WILL look like his DADDY; the way I see it the father is the one who wakes up in the middle of the night to scare the monsters away, and the one who will teach him how to play soccer, and you don't have to explain to ANYBODY where your baby came from, his father will be there the day he was conceived and will be there the day he will be born, that is a father.

Also some doctors mix your DH's sperm w/the donor's and that way there could always be a possibility that the baby could be genetically his.

Good luck and I am very happy your husband decided to use a donor, that is a real man.

ml66uk · #3 (**permalink**) 06-07-2008, 01:42 PM

Your husband may be interested in this group, for men who become fathers using donor sperm:
di_dads : DI Dads

khickey · #4 (**permalink**) 06-07-2008, 05:10 PM

We chose to do the donor route after much consideration and a few meetings with a councilor. We decided if it couldn't be a part of both of us we would settle for it being a part of one of us. We were given a few sperm banks to choose from and narrowed it down to a couple that had the same physical characteristics and then ultimately chose the one out of that list that had the same hobbies as DH. No one other than the girls on here know we are using DS. We just don't want to hear everyone's opinions on the situation. Like ainara said the daddy is the one who is always there. Good luck in your decision.

SmittyJr · #5 (**permalink**) 06-07-2008, 09:35 PM

I am always amazed at the incredible support here at SK. No matter what the topic, you are all so inspiring and supportive.

mcweix · #6 (**permalink**) 06-08-2008, 03:34 PM

Just wanted to throw in my 2 cents. We are waiting the arrival of donor baby #2 and couldnt be happier. My DH has azoo which means he makes semen but no sperm. Our options were limited. We loved the idea of iui w/donor because as my DH puts it, it's like changing oil in you car. Someody else makes the oil, but you still need it to make your car run, and it's still your car and you're the one driving it. In man it makes perfect sense! Good luck on your journey!

racechick24 · #7 (**permalink**) 06-08-2008, 03:59 PM

Hey you!

I've missed you around these boards! I'm so glad your DH is ok with doing a DIUI. The girls are right...the doc will look for the same characteristics as your DH.

And I TOTALLY

that "daddy" is the one who is always there...you know my situation with Isaiah and it couldn't be more true!

G/L and let us know what you decide!

SmittyJr · #8 (**permalink**) 06-10-2008, 07:26 PM

Kelli: PM for you!