been sorta mia..long

angie33 · #1 (**permalink**) 05-23-2007, 05:00 AM

Hello ladies, hope all of you are well. I have been laying low for a bit, it got kinda crazy around here.

Around the time of my bfn (which happened to fall on Mother's Day/Birthday weekend as most of you know,) I hit rock bottom. I turned into someone who is definately not me, and it caused big probs w/ dh & I. Yelling, (we usually never raise our voices) accusations & tears. No communication.

I suddenly become so angry over anyone who had recently given birth or was pregnant or who had small children. Random people in public, friends, etc. I was desperately trying to cut myself off from anyone like that but he refused to go along with it. It didn't feel right to me either, (b/c we ARE of childbearing age and so are our friends) but I tried anyway. I just couldn't be around "them." KWIM?

As of Monday, I was trying to pull myself out of this funk. I've done pretty good so far. I'm no Mary Poppins, but I'm fixing up a little more, trying to run more errands instead of blowing it off, trying to call/talk to more people. They all thought I fell off the earth I guess. And trying to gear my mind up for becoming pregnant this next cycle!

So I just wanted to pop on here and let you all know what I've been doing. Just trying to get back on track really. I have been lurking and following everyone's progress, just haven't responded to alot of posts. I would've brought the whole board down I think.

Due to finances we couldn't continue w/ treatment this month, but we have a bit more to save and we're a go for next month. In the meantime I shall practice positive thinking and be thankful for what I have. And keep myself crazy busy to boot! lol

Oh and as a test on my inner strength I got to work Monday am the first day out of this funk, and they announced I had to rearrange the schedule a bit, b/c our drs. had their baby early that morning. So I had to repeat the news over and over on the phone to random patients. Nice, huh? Talk about personal growth! Oh yeah, Brooke McKenzie, 6 lbs. 14 oz. 19 1/2 inches. So there you have it!

Ladies, sorry this is so long. Had to come out I guess. Take care and I'll be praying for all your bfps!!

Staciewi · #2 (**permalink**) 05-23-2007, 05:08 AM

Oh Angie...

It sucks, but hang in there, your turn will be just that much sweeter when it gets here.

I know exactly what you were going through, I hated everyone that was PG when I was trying, that was a long hard 7 years of my life. Not to mention my Dhs brother got married 2 months after us and his wife went on to have 2 kids before we finally got pg with IVF. And we live next door to each other!!!

Then we finally got our turn, two days after announcing our BFP she called me to tell me she was also PG!!

I didnt even get 2 days in the spotlight!!

The only sweet revenge I got was she had 2 girls and wanted a boy so desperately, guess what? She had another girl and I got the boy!!

I am Evil...NO???

I know it stinks, but I just know your turn is coming. Hang in there!!

chrissy · #3 (**permalink**) 05-23-2007, 06:12 AM

Oh Angie...you've been through so much lately. Your emotions and feelings are normal. Not to mention the hormones they pump us up with, don't help us fight these negative feelings after bfns. After a bfn, I don't want to talk to anyone either. I need time to come to terms with it. Once I gear myself up for the next cycle's bfp...then I'm ready. I always thinks that time wont come after the bfn, that I will be positive again, but somehow it always does come. I'm praying for you that this is your cycle

SweetMissAngel · #4 (**permalink**) 05-23-2007, 07:20 AM

I hear ya sister. So sorry you are feeling so down. As it has been said, that is completely normal given the variables. You should be proud that you are able to pull yourself out of it after only a week. Good luck in your off cycle. You know what they say about those... and I can't wait to see your BFP. It will come, just remember that.

WannabeAMomma · #5 (**permalink**) 05-23-2007, 08:27 AM

Oh honey, this whole cycle process is just madness. On the days following the BFN, I get so down, and I've snapped at my DH. And I've been in stores where I've left bc I didn't want to be around the kids. I'll be doing any stupid regular thing and will start crying randomly. But as others have posted, you will come out of it.

Its just mini steps. Recognize that your dh has his own way of dealing, and he's not amped up on hormones like we are.

I think the worst is when you know its 'not you'--how you just want to be yourself again. I've been there too--and just wanted to feel better.

i'm taking this cycle off-and I feel like i'm me again. I actually feel less stressed and I think I needed a breather. So maybe that will work for you too.

My dh had a dr's appt this week and he was telling his dr about our TTC journey, and 'the break' we're taking, and his dr said his friends did the same thing and got pg during their off cycle.

I didn't even do an OPK this month--I"m really taking it off. And next month I'll use the OV watch and see if that helps--its supposed to give you 4 days earlier notice of ovulating. So I thought that may be useful.

All I can say is to take care of yourself. Take a deep breath. Go on a walk or two by yourself to just breathe. Crank the music in your car and sing at the top of your lungs. Do you have a pottery painting place near you? I went to one of those with a friend, and you get so focused on the pottery you can't think of anything else---that helped.

Hang in there, post when you need to, take time out when you need to, and let yourself breathe. Cry when you need to. And let loose when you need to.

Look at your DH and remember why you're on this journey together. Pick an activity you two used to enjoy and plan a night to do it. Just something to forget any stress and rejuvenate.

Sorry for my long post too--I know what this is like--and I'm about 2 wks ahead of you--and I can only say how much more relaxed I feel off the meds.