I wanted to say THANK YOU for all of your caring, support, and friendship. Women are pretty amazing, aren't we? Y'all are a fantastic group of strong women and I am fortunate to have found you


It will get better and I know that. I am very lucky to have the most wonderful husband! We will be parents, it just won't be the way we had planned. So it's time to make a new plan.

DH and I will take it easy the next couple of weeks and then will set up a consult with an adoption attorney. I saw my therapist on Friday, thank goodness because I was worried that I was falling into depression, but I'm just sad. I hate saying "just sad" because it's an overwhelming sadness. I'm trying to work through the grief of what happened and the grief of ending TTC. I think that is the hardest part. One of my friends delivered her second child last week and she e-mailed me the pictures. She and I started TTC the same month back in 2006 and she has two children and here I am with nothing but a bruised butt (from PIO) and a broken heart. I am overjoyed for her, she and her hubby are great parents, and their children are healthy and gorgeous. I'm just sad for me and looking at the baby pictures, especially of the two kids together, I couldn't stop crying.

AF showed up last night. That's like a kick in the head. I wonder if it will be worse than usual since they had me on two kinds of drugs to build up my lining for the FET? It seems worse so far.

Take care and please know that even if I'm not posting on here too much I am thinking of you all and cheering you on

__________________
Me (38) and DH (34) married Oct. 2005

TTC #1 since Jan. 2006
3 IUIs with Clomid - all BFN
IVF Cycle #1 - BFP but beta only 35 (chemical pregnancy)
IVF Cycle #2 - BFN
IVF Cycle #3 - FET - embabies didn't survive the thaw

July 2008 - signed up with adoption agency

Hugs to you, J. I'm glad to hear you're doing ok.

__________________
TTC Since 2003
Background: Endo diagnosed 1991, 1 lap, 4 scopes
IUI #1 6/07 BFN
IUI #2 7/07 BFN
IUI #3 8/07 BFN
IVF #1 with ICSI 10/07 BFN
*new clinic*
IVF #2 02/08 ectopic/methotrexate injection

FET#1 06/15/08 5dt
(both embies made the thaw!)
Beta 06/24/08 57
Beta 06/26/08 189
Beta and u/s 07/01/08 2200!!! saw sac!
Beta and u/s 07/07/08 15730 saw yolk sac!
Beta and u/s 07/14/08 saw heartbeat! holy cow!

Hugs to you is right. I'm glad that you are looking into adoption. I think that is what got me thru my 1st IVF, know I would be a parent no matter if they were my own biological children or adopted. You & DH will be GREAT parents!

__________________

Deb proud momma to twins -- Brady & Hope 5/18/04

J, I'm still thinking of you and I hope that you'll keep us posted of your journey!

__________________

Me (35) & DH (30)
TTC#1 since Oct '05 with Three Angels in Heaven
5 IUIs (7/05 - 2/06) Angel lost at 8wks (12/06)
IVF#1 (9/07) - Low Beta - Angel lost at 6wks
IVF #2 (2/08) - Low Beta - Angel lost at 8 weeks
FET#1 (4/08)
IVF#3 (6/08) Tx cancelled due to poor lining
FET#2 (8/08) Tx cancelled due to poor lining...AGAIN
13 Embies on Ice

Huge (((((Hugs))))) to you. My story is opposite of yours - we found out we have IF problems and went straight to adoption. and I can tell you even though we are back to try IVF - there is no way in He** that anyone can tell me that I will love my adopted children less. You truly never ever know what life is going to hand you.

Go down this new road with passion and let it lead you where you are suppose to go! and know that we are all with you and you never know where you will end up.

Justine

J. I know how hard and depressing it can be, you sound strong and have a plan already, that is very important, please know that we are all here for you and support you in your decisions, and will be here cheering or you.
May God bless you, your family, and the beautiful baby that is waiting for you either in heaven or in the angel's belly who will be bringing him to you.

__________________
Ainara (29) DH Zoran(41)
DS Adriano (7) natural preg.
TTC #2 since '04
Clomid x3
IUI w/Clomid X1
Dx. MF Aug.'07
IVF #1 March/April '08
E/R 4/14 25 eggs15 fertilized
E/T 4/19 2 Blast.
1st. Beta 4/28 174
2nd, Beta 4/30 336
1st. U/S 5/12 no HB detected/1 sac.
2nd. U/S 5/19 blighted uvum.
Cytotec induced M/C 5/20. (at 7w1d)
IVF #2 (FET) Sept./Oct.'08

I remember how hard it is to be where you are. But, today I am not grieving and today I am looking right at a fussy, hungry LO that needs me to hurry up and get off this board. You never, ever know where life leads you. Blessings.


~m

__________________

I wanted to tell you to come and see us at Adoption and other Options - SheKnows Message Boards We're a small group, but very supportive and you will be welcomed with open arms.


~m

__________________

I'm glad you are doing better - and I'm sure the sadness is overwhelming. Good luck on your next journey - and you just never know - there may be a time down the road (maybe even after adoption) that you will want to revisit ttc again. Follow your heart and it will lead you in the right direction! I hope you have a smooth and easy path to adoption - you certainly deserve that after all you have been through.

I am sorry, I know exactly how you are feeling looking at your friends pictures. Some of my friends had 3 kids in the 7 years that we were trying. It sucks but I just know you will be a great mommy.

Please keep us posted on your journey

And know we are always here if you need to talk.