I took a pregnancy test yesterday to prepare myself, and it shouted out to me "NOT PREGNANT!!" Well, maybe without the exclamation points. Anyways, I wasn't surprised when I saw it (I have seen it thousands of times on my seven year journey). I haven't even cried yet, I just feel numb.

So this morning I took the blood test to confirm that it was negative. This was our last cycle. We didn't have any to freeze, and we can't afford to try another cycle. Anyways, it's so hard on my body emotionally, and physically.

At this point I need to figure out what to do next. I've looked into adoption before. I'm not exactly sure if I want to go that route, but the alternative is to live "childfree." I read that in a book, which sounds better than "childless". Although technically, that is what I would be.

I can't seem to get dh to talk about how he feels. I guess we just need time to digest the fact that possibly, we won't have biological children. How do you grieve something that you've never had? I'm so tired of being in "limbo." I just want to be able to move on with my life, and for that I need closure. But, when I still get my period every month, I'm reminded that anything is possible. Although, since I am getting older, my eggs are not as good as they used to be.

It just sucks that some women take their fertility for granted. When some of us spend thousands upon thousands of dollars trying to achieve that dream (and some never succeed). The last time my fresh cycle was unsuccessful, it took me two years to get "over it." That's when I started therapy. I guess I'll have to have even more therapy sessions, and keep taking my antidepressants.

Thank-you all so much for your support. You ladies are truly awesome!! I wish those of you who are cycling the best of luck!!

__________________
Melissa (36)
dh Jeremy (35)
for 16 years

7 years and counting
5 IUI w/Clomid
1 IUI w/Repronex
#1 IVF-1/06
#1 FET-5/06
#2 IVF-6/08

Adoption here we come!!!

Gosh Melissa I am so very sorry, I am without words......My prayers are with you and dh.

__________________
Ainara (29) DH Zoran(41)
DS Adriano (7) natural preg.
TTC #2 since '04
Clomid x3
IUI w/Clomid X1
Dx. MF Aug.'07
IVF #1 March/April '08
E/R 4/14 25 eggs15 fertilized
E/T 4/19 2 Blast.
1st. Beta 4/28 174
2nd, Beta 4/30 336
1st. U/S 5/12 no HB detected/1 sac.
2nd. U/S 5/19 blighted ovum.
Cytotec induced M/C 5/20. (at 7w1d)
IVF #2 (FET) Sept./Oct.'08
B/W 9/29 E2 56
B/W & U/S 10/6 E2 311 lining 11.5

I am so sorry. I truly cannot fathom what you are going through, and you have been through so much! My heart is just breaking for you.

Please give yourselves time to let this sink in. Try not to push dh too hard, I know how hard it hurts when you get kicked in the gut and dh clams up on you. That's what we and you rl friends are for.

I will keep you in my prayers.

__________________
Kirsten 33
DH 35

Married 12/22/94

Hoping for a 2009

I'm so sorry hun!!!

__________________

Me: 22 DH: 30
TTC #1 for 19 cycles
Unexplained Infertility

3 months of Clomid- BFN
2 months of Femara- BFN (2007)
IUI/Femara/HCG # 1- BFN (Jan 08)
IUI/Clomid/HCG #2- BFN (Feb 08)

IVF #1
2 embies transferred on day 3.
Beta 8/1/08 BFN

RE Appt 08/04/08...taking two months off. FET in Sept/October...

Oh man I am so sorry. I know how you feel...I am sure we all do. Keep your head up and keep praying!!!

__________________
Meghan
TTC for 4 years.
Natural August 2004
M/C at 7.5 weeks :
Natural December 2005
M/C at 7.5 weeks
Took a year off to focus on career.
Natural September of 06
M/C at 7 weeks
HSG and US showed Bi-Cornuate Uterus
Possible chromisonal damage to eggs.
RE suggested IVF w/ PGD in May of 2007.
Took the next year to save money and prepare.
DH-SCSA test normal.
Lupron to start 5-27-08
ER 6-17
PGD Test 6-20 5 of 8 with normal results.
ET 6-21
Bete test
[IMG][/IMG]
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I am so sorry. I hope that you can pick yourself up from this disappointment and move on to whatever will fulfill your dreams.
I am truly sorry and wish you peace and strength.
Take care of yourself.

I am so so sorry

I'm sorry.

__________________
ttc #2 fet coming in ????
IVF #1 - BFP!!!!
Fet #1 - Cancelled April
Fet #2- Cancelled May
Fet #3- July BFN
Fet #4 - Cancelled August
Fet #5 - Cancelled September
Fet #6 - Embries coming home in late Oct...