I feel the need to Vent(long)

arbeale · #1 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 06:03 AM

Don't get me wrong I love my friends. It just seems that all of them are pregnant or just had babies. No problem. This is what I have a problem with. After our last failed cycle we decided to go have some fun. DH and I decided to go to a local bar(we handn't been out since the last cycle started which was about 2 months)and have a few drinks. Nothing major. Once of the couple's we know was out too. They had just had a baby at the end of February. They know of our TTC woes. I was polite and asked her how her little one was and she started talk vomiting all over me. These are just some of the things she said. She told me that they starting discussing have children and so she went off her birth control and like 2 weeks later she was pregnant. However, she was upset because they weren’t ready for it to happen so fast. That’s too bad I only wish it would happen that fast for me. Then she told me I shouldn’t be drinking. Excuse me, but I think you drank way more when you were trying to get pregnant. The last thing that made me angry was she said right after I had her all I wanted was a beer and a cigarette. Then she tells me I don’t want to hurt your feelings I know you are having trouble. I think I better go and talk to the girl who just broke up with her boyfriend. At least she won’t make me feel like I am a pity case.

Sorry I just needed to get that off my chest. I haven't told DH what she said because he is really good friends with her husband. I think I might tell him though. Thanks for listening or I mean reading.

Staciewi · #2 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 06:14 AM

Yeah sometimes that can be like rubbing salt in the wounds. Hang in there your turn is coming!

reneerenee · #3 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 07:26 AM

It is hard enough dealing with well meaning friends who are pregnant or with new babies but to have deal with inconsiderate ones is a whole other thing. Can you try to avoid her? How close are you? Unfortunately you will deal with this again and again, with all diffe3rent people. If you come up with some one-liners in advance the ability to shut some of those people down helps with some of the frustration.
And, I agree with Stacie, your turn will come:-)
Chin up:-)

finallyamommy · #4 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 08:06 AM

That just outright sucks, doesn't it? I'm sorry you have "friends" that are so inconsiderate. It's like the people who meant well when I miscarried and said, oh you're young enough, you can get pregnant again (yeah, 2 years and 3 more m/c's later)...

Hang in there sweetie. It may not happen according to "our plan" but you know it will according to "His plan." Have faith hon... I agree with the ladies, your turn will come!

want2beamommy13 · #5 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 08:53 AM

Andrea, your post brings tears to my eyes because I could have written it myself (and I did.......SEVERAL TIMES). It really s*cks that we all have to go through this because I'm sure like myself, none of us would wish this on our worst enemies, let alone our 'ignorant friends'. I learned the true meaning of ignorance through all this, I always thought it was the same as 'rude' but truly it means that people dont know any better and GOD BLESS them for that in this instance.

I've heard every line possible, my favorite being "atleast you know you CAN get pregnant" oh yeah, cuz miscarrying over and over is SOO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!

Our best friends are about to have their 1st any day now. She's blown up like a balloon and swollen and the doctor wrote her out of work and told her to stay off her feet but she says she'll just stick it out until Monday. HELLO!?!?!?!? WHY RISK IT!??!?!? Work can wait! This is your baby we're talking about!!! This is the same girl who told me 'i just didnt know it would happen so fast' and DH and I sat at dinner with them each weekend, the 2 of them looking like they had just seen a ghost. Their fear was written all over their faces, not really sure they were 'ready' for all of what was to come...........yet I had just suffered my 2nd miscarriage and would have given my right arm to switch places with her.

We all know just how much this STINKS! And each belly you see is like a punch dead in the face! Please know we're here for you to vent ANYTIME and you WILL get through this!! YOUR DAY WILL COME!! Hang in there g/f.

mildlydelirious · #6 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 03:07 PM

I so much

with everyone. IF just sucks and people do NOT get it. Hang in there. Your time is coming! Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

~m

Justine · #7 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 04:28 PM

That does stink -- your time IS coming! Sorry you had your night ruined by her insensitivity!!!!!!

heathablue · #8 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 05:37 PM

People can be so stupid sometimes!!! I am sorry she made you feel that way. People need to think before they speak. Your BFP is coming hun.

marie456 · #9 (**permalink**) 04-16-2008, 05:44 PM

andrea,
i'm sorry your friend doesn't get it AT ALL! i am waaaaayyyyy behind my friends in the having kids category and it does suck when someone has 3 KIDS all the while i was trying for only ONE

hang in there. i hate to say it, but it might not get easier, just come vent here anytime

arbeale · #10 (**permalink**) 04-17-2008, 05:33 AM

Thank goodness I don't have to hang out with them. It is more of a chance meeting sort of thing. She has been the only person to be rude about this whole thing. I did tell DH and he couldn't believe it. I think it is better that he knows that way if they ever call to hang out I have an outlet. Thanks for the replies they made me feel better. I tend to let things stay inside and fester. Unfortunately during this process that is not a good thing.

tanya1231 · #11 (**permalink**) 04-17-2008, 08:24 AM

Soon... you will have a baby in your arms and then you can look back and laugh! This is her loss and you have more important things to dwell on (babymaking).

bergaboom · #12 (**permalink**) 04-17-2008, 09:28 AM

I am very new to this forum and just read this post --- I have never belonged to anything like this group. Soemthing about it just touched me the right way. I feel for you and have been there before and heard all of the WONDERFUL words of wisdom that everyone seems to have for us. Most of the time I picture myself shoving my fist down their throats (in my mind - don't need to get arrested) and that makes me feel better.

This is going to be VERY LONG!!! I appologize in advance.

My husband and I have been TTC for about 3 1/2 years now. We did get pregnant on our own the very first try but had a miscarriage 3 months to the day in. We continued trying ourselves for just under a year until I was so deep in my depression that I could not handle it anymore. We tried about 5 IUI cycles over a 1 and a half and only had 1 positive with the last one, again that pregnancy only lasted 8 weeks and yet another miscarriage, another D&C and more heart break.

We are on our 3rd IVF cycle in less than 6 months. 1st one went good but BFN.. 2nd one was over right after the aspiration/retrieval due to not 1 good egg. We had our 3rd aspiration done on 4/5 and were able to fertilize 11 eggs - all were impressed due to the fact that I am 37 going on 38. 7 out of 11 were grade 1 and 4 were a high grade 2 again all were impressed. We did our ET on Thursday 4/11 and I will be going for my pregnancy blood test on Tuesday 4/22. I spoke with the ART nurse this morning to check to make sure that wasn't too early to tell. She said no.

These people at the medical group that we have been seeing for 2 years now are like our family, they are all pulling for us and both my DH and I feel very lucky to have them routing for us.

I bruised myself up more this time with the shots than I did the last 2 times. And my rear is so numb on the right side and so bruised on the left side I don't know where to tell them to put the shot anymore. I did try warming the POI last night and it seems to have helped a little. Thanks for the advise from one of the other threads.

I hope you know that you are not alone, I know it helps me to know that. Even though it sucks that there are so many of us. Good luck with this round!! I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you!!!