How do you know when you are done?

Staciewi · #1 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 05:41 PM

I know this doesn't apply to most here as I know you are still trying very hard to
become parents for the first time.

Lately I have really felt like I want to try one more time. I feel like I was cheated when we lost our last baby at 16weeks, this thought has been hounding me for almost 4 LONG years. I cant believe that its been that long already.wow.

Then there is a part of me that says, I am done. I just want to move on with my life and family and be happy. I always wanted 3 kids. I was an only child and knew I wanted to give my children siblings...how IRONIC is that.

Then I deal with secondary IF, and try for 7 LONG years to have Elijah. We knew we wanted one more heck maybe 2 more kids but that was 4-5 years ago.

Dh is no spring chicken, he will be 47 this year, I am approaching 39. SO my mind is saying IF you want to do it, DO IT NOW before you hit the big 4-0.

Now Marian I really admire you, I know you are one of the ""older"" spring chickens here still longing to be pregnant just one more time.

I know most of you will say DO it, but how do I know...where do Iook for the right answer for me?

I am not a religious person, DH is VERY much so, but me not so much.

I believe, but in my own way and on my own time.

I had a VERY wonderful grandmother, but her preaching really took a toll on me when I was growing up...anyhow thats another story.

How do I know in my heart of hearts that I either want to try one more time or just hang up my IVF syringes.

NickiY · #2 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 05:52 PM

Stacie
I was 39 on my last 2 cycles and I thought I was done when I finally had Millie (my second). But for me it came down to- how will I feel in 3 or 4 years (or whenever) when I had left it too late if I didn't try again? I felt that I would look back and regret it and so that decided things for me- I wanted to try so that even if I wasn't successful (which luckily I was) then I knew I had done everything I could. Good luck with your decision- you know everyone will be rooting for you if you decide to go ahead.

ainara · #3 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 06:03 PM

Yeah Stace come on one more time!!!!

Seriously,I don't know my friend, it's a very difficult decision, what your Dh thinks? Would he be on board? I agree if you are going to do it now would be the time....Me personally I would do it, but then again I never know when enough is enough. Whatever you decide we will support you.

SpoiledHouseWife · #4 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 06:19 PM

How do I know in my heart of hearts that I either want to try one more time or just hang up my IVF syringes.

Stacie I feel like you just wrote this post for me (kinds-sorta).
I always wonder how is it people close that chapter of their life (baby making)? How do you know when that chapter of your life is done? I sometimes ask myself if I will ever feel like I am done. There are parts of me at times that say, "ok you have 4 kids, you are blessed.. enough is enough" and then... I hear , " You are no where near done.. keep going". I feel I have so much love to offer and so much to give, but I guess there is a time that comes and we have to close that part of our life. I do say if you are yearning for another child, go for it. 39 is pretty darn young in my book if you ask me!

mildlydelirious · #5 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 06:41 PM

I don't mean for this to sound trite, because it's not. But, if you are still asking the question, you are not done.
IMHO, You have another go in ya and you've just been hanging around here waiting until the need/want grew unmanageable again.

Love ya kid.

~m

Maddy · #6 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by NickiY

Stacie
I But for me it came down to- how will I feel in 3 or 4 years (or whenever) when I had left it too late if I didn't try again? I felt that I would look back and regret it and so that decided things for me- I wanted to try so that even if I wasn't successful (which luckily I was) then I knew I had done everything I could.

I strongly agree with what NickiY says.....being that you are 39 you don't want to have any regrets. I was 39 when I had Jackson with the help of clomid. Here I am now 41 and in the deepest part of my heart I just didn't feel like our family was complete. So if you have just a small doubt then you must go forward before you get too old. When we started trying again a year ago we thought we could do it with Clomid again. Well, 5 cycles later and a blocked right tube made things more difficult and so here we are with IVF. So what i'm trying to say is if you have thought about it then it's in your heart and you have to act before it is too late.

*Mely1015*/Melissa · #7 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 07:18 PM

I'll say that you know the answer...you know that you are not done b/c you still want another....so go for it!...age is just a number...the important thing is to be healthy aNd you got that

.....so WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?....we want to ride that rollercoaster with you

bebedoc · #8 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 07:54 PM

Marian. If you're asking the question, wondering if you should or shouldn't....it's because in your heart of hearts, your deepest desire is to try again.

We all love you and will support you in whatever you decide.

boxerluvr8 · #9 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 08:05 PM

to what Marian and the girls said. You're not too old...here I am 41 and may possibly be having a baby on my 42nd birthday!!! WTF?! If all had gone as originally planned, I would have a 12 and 10 yr. old now. I guess what I'm saying is, only you will know when your TTC journey is over. If there is room in your heart to try again, then I say go for it!!! Besides, I'll need the company in the 60 mommies-club!!

BTW, where's my Geritol?!....forgot where I put it!!

want2beamommy13 · #10 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 08:15 PM

I was on the 'GO STACIE' train before I even finished reading your post!!! You ask a question SO prominent in ALL of our minds.........'when is enough?', 'how far will I go?' and that can only be answered by each mommy or wanna be mommy themselves...........

My thought is, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOOSE!????? I just have a strong will inside of me, one that I recognize from MANY of your posts and I feel that like me, you'd never want to ask yourself later "WHAT IF?"

I say GO FOR IT STACE! Since I'm bored over here, I'll certainly round up the cheerleaders for your cycle.........I've been looking for something to do and I think I just found it!!

psycojenni · #11 (**permalink**) 06-20-2008, 09:30 PM

I ditto the other girls. That if you were done you wouldn't have to question it. You would be at peace in your heart if you were but there is still that question. Age is a number it really means nothing. I say GO FOR IT!!!

Justine · #12 (**permalink**) 06-21-2008, 03:59 AM

itto That's just it if your asking the question, your not done. For me I waited 10-11 years for this - I adopted and was very happy but the nagging desire never really left me - it was always there I want to be pregnant - I want to hold that baby in my arms.

It's not to late and should it not work for you than the answer will be decided for you and you can never wonder again.

Stacie, best of luck to you and follow your heart!!!!

Staciewi · #13 (**permalink**) 06-21-2008, 04:50 AM

Well Dh would be on board 100 percent! He will say, "whatever you want to do"

He has already offered up our tax refund for me to get a boob job, if I wanted to. Hmmmm
BOOB JOB......or IVF

So we would already have half of the money for the cycle.

LMAO Cheryl!!! Geritol.......60 something mommys club

I always wonder how is it people close that chapter of their life (baby making)? How do you know when that chapter of your life is done?

Melissa~ as far as this statement goes, I just feel like we are cheated from this. We dont have the luxury of saying, oh I think we will try a couple more months to have that last baby.

We have to PLAN PLAN PLAN!!! And I dont need to remind everyone how much that really SUCKS!!

I know Im not OLD, but I just dont know if I have it in me, I guess I have alot of searching to do this summer. Maybe I will take the summer and get healthy, loose 20lbs and quit smoking for good.
I really need to do this for me before I make any decisions.

I have high BP and I am hoping if I stop smoking and start exercising, it will take care of itself without meds.

I am not overweight, but I feel like if I can drop these few extra pounds that might really help things.

Dana30 · #14 (**permalink**) 06-21-2008, 05:11 AM

I agree with Marian. I would put the smokes down, or make a plan to, and call your RE. By the time you rerun any tests etc it could be a few months before you cycle. That will give you time to take care of any minor issues and get ready.

Whatever you decide, we are here for you!

want2beamommy13 · #15 (**permalink**) 06-21-2008, 07:09 AM

Stacie, I quit smoking! It will be 3 years this August and ESPECIALLY NOW, I still miss it BUT.......I really feel like it was onee of the best decisions I've ever made! If you ever doubt whether or not you could do it, think of all you've been through!! This is just one more thing you can totally overcome!

I'm rooting for you and will be here to support you, just as you have for me this past year and all the rest of us around here!

aquarianangel · #16 (**permalink**) 06-21-2008, 09:06 AM

Stacie my friend, your answer lies in your question. I can feel your yearning for another baby coming out of that post.
If you were done with having babies, you would not ask that question IMO. And 39 is not old. Later you will always wonder "what if". SO for that, you owe yourselves another go at it.
Also think about this, your older kid seems like he could move out and start his own life someday soon! With him out of the house, you will feel the longing for the baby even more! So why not start now?

You can always have that boob job later! LOL

Go Stacie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hopeful gal · #17 (**permalink**) 06-21-2008, 09:39 AM

Stacie, I have always felt like you wanted another one so I say go for it!! I hope you make a decision and if it is another cycle we will all be here cheering you on.

Janay

kirsten62975 · #18 (**permalink**) 06-21-2008, 01:15 PM

As far as smoking goes, I can offer some life experience... First, my MIL told me she smoked before she had her first in '68. Hasn't smoked since then, but she still wants one every now and then... so it never goes away, it just isn't such a physical feeling.

I quit smoking three years ago in September. I did the patches and I did gain a lot of weight, but I used food to replace my Salem's. Now DH quit 1.5 years ago. He was hard core, and said he'd never quit. When his step father died of lung cancer his mother asked him to quit at the funeral, and he told her no. (She hits below the belt sometimes...) He used the Chantix. I'd say go for that!

Good Luck!