Sorry been MIA-unhappy update-divorce, ch sprt, visitation...

#1 (**permalink**) 08-08-2005, 08:47 AM

Hi Girls-
Well, I have put off writing this posting for a week. Last Monday started preplanning and then Friday was our first day of school. Today is the second day of school (duh?!?!) I figured that there is not point in putting off the inevitable-I need to tell you all that has happened in the past couple of months. In Feb, as you all know, my husband took off and left me and the twins. We had been together for 16 years-together for 6 years, married for 10 as of June 24th. He said that he didn't want to be married anymore. I have since found out LOTS of other things. I feel betrayed and lied to, deceived and angry. It does help that the person that he is now is very different from the man that I knew and loved. He is so altered-some of you had commented from the posts that I did about the radical change in his behavior, demeanor, and dress that some form of mental illness may be involved. In the interest in keeping myself out of legal trouble, I can neither deny or confirm that, however, the bizarre behavior, the erratic and irrational decisions, the drastic change in personality and most of all-the totally irresponsible spending all leads you to the same conclusions that I came to...without me having to say it. Anway-we went to temporary hearing in May-he was belligerant, rude, disrespectful-to me, my attorney, the judge-all full of swagger and attitude. He admitted on the stand to having (a direct quote here) "several sexual encounters with several other women since the separation". No joke. I was hurt beyond belief. Separated or not-we were still married. Well, to make a LONG story short-he never filed an answer to the papers or the temporary hearing, so I went back to court on July 26th and my divorce was final that day. He had been court ordered in the temporary hearing to pay child support and half of medical-he paid NOTHING. I repeat NOTHING. As of that day, he owed me $2171.00, now he owes me over $3000.00. I AM NOT KIDDING. He has not bought a pack of diapers, NADA, nothing. I got a check for $149.00 in the mail last Tuesday-he paid $150 towards what he owes me-he pays the clerk of the court and then they send me a check minus $1.00 handling fee. You all know how far that has gone. I got the house, and sole legal and physical custody of the twins. I also got a whole pile of debt. Needless to say, I can't believe that this is happening to me. NO way, no how-this is something you read about in a magazine that happens to other people, only now, I am other people. He has visitation every other Sunday from 4-7 at a mutually agreed upon location-which due to the heat, has been our, correction, MY house. He shows up late, leaves early, or doesn't come at all. It is horrible and I feel that children need both parents, but I don't feel that they need him if this is how he is going to be. He showed up last night for 45 minutes. It is awful. I will have to take him back to court for contempt for not paying-I have to spend money to get the money that he owes me. I never thought he would be the kind of man who wouldn't take care of his kids. But then, I also never thought that he would be the kind of many to take (ready for this....) his GIRLFRIEND'S kids to the pool and be seen with his GIRLFRIEND in the grocery store-and we were not divorced yet. I am a Methodist, and you know that we kind of enjoy our faith in a quiet manner-but I will say this (sorry if I offend anyone) Adultery is one of the ten commandments and God is watching. I don't want to judge anyone, but there will be a price to be paid at sometime and he may stand in judgement by a power much higher and mightier than me or any of us. "YA' KNOW?!?!" Sorry to yell, but I can't believe that the only man who has been in my head, my heart, and yes, even my bed-since I was 18 years old has done this to us. I am especially sad for Gage and Madison. So...anyway...how was your summer?!?!? I have missed you all-love, love, love, Lisa
PS-As soon as I can figure out how to change my signature, I will be removing "dh" from it bc he is no longer my "dh"-what is the board slang for ex dh? XDH?
PSA-Here is a newer pix-Gage is on the right, Madison in the middle, and my sister's little boy, my nephew, is on the left.

Suekcal · #2 (**permalink**) 08-08-2005, 01:22 PM

Hey again honey,

You are very strong and very courageous, and you know you have all my love and support. Does he have a job? Because while I don't know what your state or county laws are, here in CA you would file with the district attorney's office and they would garnish his wages before he even got them. There's no "going to pay the clerk" bs. As for the having 2 parents deal, I know it's going to be so hard for you, but he is better off with one loving parent who has to fill the gap for the second, than with a second who treats them lousy. They don't need the stress or hassle or mental anguish that comes from having a loser father who makes it clear to THEM that he doesn't want them. That's just messed up. Better to know that he's just out of their life rather than mucking it up and causing more mental stress for the next 30 years.

I am so sorry you have to deal with all this. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. Big HUGS!

#3 (**permalink**) 08-08-2005, 01:53 PM

Hey Sue-
Thanks, that would work if he had a regular job-problem is, he is self-employed. Yeah, of course...another way for him to get out of what his obligations are. I am disgusted. I will be taking him back to court, however, they are limited as to what they can do. They may take his driver's license, or put him in jail-which seems like a good penance (sp?) to me for screwing around and not paying his obligations, but if he is not working because he can't drive, I won't get any money and if they take his driver's license, he can't work...but I kind of don't care. I'm not trying to get rich here, I just want to be able to take care of my kids, pay my daycare bill, pay for prescriptions, etc. The worst part of all is that he says things to me like "that's alot of money for a prescription" and I told him "that is your HALF-I've already paid two times that!" Whatever...he is a jerk. I can't believe it-still.

Twinsmommy · #4 (**permalink**) 08-10-2005, 11:44 AM

Oh Lisa, everytime I read your post, I just feel more and more sick. I'm so sorry you've endured all of this. I don't know how you have... what with a full time job, two babies, a mortgage, bills, etc. I'm sure Madison and Gage keep you going. Hang in there. My thoughts are with you always.

your way, babe.

Karen

Bilinda · #5 (**permalink**) 08-11-2005, 08:00 PM

Hi Lisa,

I am so glad to hear from you and am so sorry you had to go through all of this. It reminds me of something that happened to a friend of mine at work. They had just had a baby after infertility also. I don't know what happens to these guys sometimes. I know you are a strong woman and will get through this. My friend met a wonderful man a few years later and is now remarried and had another baby recently.

We are still enjoying our horses and have 3 now. We took one to the vet tonight for an ultrasound to see if she was pregnant but she wasn't. We took her to a breeder about 3 weeks ago and we had hoped she was pregnant. We can take her back in a few weeks and try again.

Keep in touch.

Your friend from Michigan.

Bilinda

joannaLA · #6 (**permalink**) 08-12-2005, 10:37 AM

Lisa,
I'm so sorry to hear things haven't gotten better at home. The twins are so lucky to have such a strong mommy. I applaude you for not backing down with the money. Do whatever it takes and have his wages garnished if you can. Eventually you should get something.

The sad part is that he doesn't realize how much he's missing out on with the twins. It sounds like a big mid-life crisis where life is all about him. It doesn't sound like he has anything to give. He wants life to be tiddy and easy.

Stay strong and remember we're all still here for you.

Babydust!
joanne

aprils0909 · #7 (**permalink**) 11-17-2005, 09:39 AM

You're right, this sounds like something out of a magazine. Never would you think "this could happen to me." This story saddens me. Those beautiful children deserve better, you deserve better.