Needed someone to talk to

#1 (**permalink**) 07-21-2004, 12:34 PM

I am 28 years old and married, he is 42. We just celebrated our 4th anniversary. We have been trying to have a baby since before we were married. He has children from previous marriages and I have one who he adopted. My husband is my best friend and I can talk to him about this, but sometimes I need a female who has or is going thru this. We both want more children. And every month I count the days and then I start and I get so upset. We both love children. Sometimes I just don't understand, there are people out there who have kids that they don't want and do the most horriable things to,my husband and I are good people. No one around me has had this problem so no one really understands. Like it says, I just wanted someone to talk to..

wigsnbigs · #2 (**permalink**) 07-22-2004, 03:04 PM

Hi Madussah and

I know what you mean. DH and I have been ttc for more than 5 1/2 years. No one in my family has ever had issues with IF. This is a great place to get answers, vent, rant, comfort, know you're not alone....whatever you need at the time.

Have you seen a specialist (RE)? Do you have a diagnosis? We are unexplained. However, just this past February we did find that I have a clotting disorder which explains my 2 m/c.

#3 (**permalink**) 07-23-2004, 12:04 PM

Thank You Wigsnbigs for replying really appreciate it. No I don't have a diagnosis yet. I go Tuesday for a pelvic ultrasound, I really like my Dr. she's really understanding and knows how much we want children. No one in my family has had any problem with fertility, it so frustrating. You said you had 2 m/c, do you have any children, you din't have to answer that if you don't want. I've had at least 4m/c. I tell myself every month that I'm not going to think about if I am or not, but it completely takes over my mind. I just don't know or understand what I am doing wrong!
I want to thank you for making me feel welcome and taking the time to talk.

wigsnbigs · #4 (**permalink**) 07-23-2004, 02:38 PM

Hi Madussah

No, we don't have any children yet. We're still working on ttc#1. Time and finances are against us though. And I don't respond well to the stimulation drugs.

How old are your kids (his and yours)? When were your 4 m/c? Recent? Were they early in the pg? You may want to ask your doctor to do a recurrent m/c screening. They take some blood and test for a whole list of things. There are several different clotting disorders which can cause early m/c (6 wks).

We worked with my OB/GYN for the initial IF testing. Most of the early IF testing is pretty routine and consists of a lot of blood tests. Everything has come back normal and we finally moved beyond what my OB/GYN could provide. We have been seeing an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) for almost 2 years now. We're at the donor egg versus adoption decision at this point.

Hang in there. I'd like to say it gets easier, but it never does when you're living cycle to cycle. But this board helps.

#5 (**permalink**) 07-24-2004, 11:06 AM

Hello Wigsnbigs, My husband was married before and there is 13 years age diff. He has 5 boys his oldest is 26 and his youngest just turned 7, he raised his ex-wifes daughter and she just turned 14. And then with mine he'll be 10 in September.
My last miscarriage was about 6 years ago and yes they were all early in the pregnancy. Finances are hard right now so we are doing what we can and our Dr. is starting to do what she can. But our nearest fertility specialist is about an hour +30 to 2 hours away.
We've talked about adopting, and maybe taking in troubled youth and I'm all for it but it's still not the same as feeling the life you and your husband created growing inside of you and then seeing it.
I want to Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I really do appreciate it. How old are you and your husband? (if you don't mind me asking) I wish you the best, and will keep you and your husband in our prayers.

wigsnbigs · #6 (**permalink**) 07-26-2004, 10:19 AM

I just turned 40 2 weeks ago and DH is 43 (44 in October). We have been ttc ever since we got married in 1998.

I have found that most of the diagnostic testing is usually covered by insurance.

#7 (**permalink**) 07-26-2004, 12:25 PM

Hi Wigsnbigs, how are you doing? Yesterday we were in church and there is a young girl there who brings her daughter who is 6 months old, so precious. Anyway last sunday she let me hold her during the service. well yesterday my husband held her during sunday school and he asked if I wanted to hold her, I couldn't do it. And he was a little upset with me cause I wouldn't hold her. Sometimes I can hold and play with baby's and younger kids but sometimes I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I don't know. He told me yesterday that when I get upset each month that it breaks his heart, I know it does and I try not to in front of him. This last month I was a day late, our minds started to race and then the next day I started. But after he told me that it breaks his heart he told me that I should be with someone younger and that hurt me so bad. We both want kids so bad but I don't want the process and waiting to tear us apart, he's my everything. I will talk to you later. Bye Bye

#8 (**permalink**) 08-25-2004, 06:15 AM

Hello all,

Believe me, I know what you are going through. I struggled with infertility for 5 years before coming pregnant, it's heart breaking. But hang in there, it's worth the fight.

Check out this article:
http://sheknows.com/about/look/4206.htm

#9 (**permalink**) 08-26-2004, 10:33 AM

Hello Veggiewriter, Thanks for the message. So you became pregnant after 5 years, may I ask how (treatments or did it just happen)? 2 months ago I was a day late, went out and bought the test it came back neg. and started a couple hours later. Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself. My husband broke my heart a couple of weeks ago, he told me that I needed to find someone younger that way I could get pregnant. That hurt so bad. I love him so much and I know he wants a baby as much as I do, and I would do anything to give him what he wants. He is a wonderful, wonderful man and I know us not getting pregnant hurts him too. I went and had an ultrasound done, they found a cyst on left ovary, they weren't too concerned about it. I went yesterday for Pap and she wants me to go get tested for Endometriosis, so I'm waiting for that to get set up. She's worried because of the pain I'm having. I think what scares me alot is the fact that my mother had 3 kids and at the age of 28 had to have a hysterrectomy, I'm 28. So how many children do you have? May I ask your age? My son that my husband adopted 2 years ago come Dec. will be 10 next month. I'm 28 and my husband will be 43 in Dec. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me, nobody in my family or friends has any problems with fertility and so I have no one to talk to. Thankls for the article too, it described my feelings to a T. thanks again.