Another friend is preg...UGH!!

StacyG · #1 (**permalink**) 07-23-2004, 04:50 AM

Another friend of mine is pregnant with her second. Not even 5 weeks and shes already telling everyone. I love her dearly and am happy for her and DH. But, I am also frustrated. We are in a bible study together that meets weekly. We have been friends for over a year through this group. She knows of my TTC and m/c in June. When I got my BFP in June she thought she might be pg then too, but didnt want to be. She got AF and I m/c.

About 2 week ago she talked about how she and DH have changed their minds and want to get pg. How they bd when there was egg white cm and how frustrated she was that she wasnt pg. She had gotten a BFN. So, one month in and shes convinced shes not pg. She knows little about cycles and after talking to her this past Monday we determined that she tested way too early. Her cycles are really long and she tested like 2 days after O. And you know how this ends...she retested this week and shes pregnant.

I am cd 14. I did Femara and an hCG trigger this month. So I wont know for 2 more weeks if this will be my month or not. I am so worried about what will happen if I get BFN. I dont know that I can be around her for the next 9 months but I have so few friends here. We just moved here last year so I really dont know many people and the group that we are both part of meets weekly and has become an important part of my life. I dont have the right to expect her not to complain about morningsickness and other pg symptoms but I dont think I can listen to it....We also have a mutal friend in the group who we are both close to and how will be put in the middle of this. So IF I get BFN, then not only will I not get baby but I will also lose my one group of friends I have come to count on because I can't "just get over it."

I dont want to be one of the bitter infertile women who cant be around pg women but since my m/c I am getting bitter. Its been 4 1/2 years. My life is basically on hold for the past 1 1/2 yrs waiting to see if I will get pg or not. I pray and talk to God about it every day. I ask Him to soften my heart and help me to understand.

I finally was feeling good and moving forward from the m/c and then this. Shes the 2nd friend I know whose pregnant in the last month. When is it my turn??

wigsnbigs · #2 (**permalink**) 07-23-2004, 09:58 AM

Hi Stacy and

I know exactly what you mean and what you're going through. DH and I have been ttc#1 for more than 5 1/2 years with 2 m/c. Our insensitive receptionist at work knew everything we had been through (IUIs, IVF, etc.). The DAY I came back to work after my failed IVF (which she knew failed) she told me her unmarried 20 yr old sister was pg w/#2. I really didn't need to hear that right then. Three weeks later she told the office she was pg. I had to see her every day at work and hear the pg complaints, etc. Not to mention the inappropriate comments about the baby - almost like she wasn't ready for it and didn't want it. It was really tough. But when she would start talking about it I would try to leave the conversation if I could.

A lot of people that haven't had to deal with IF just don't get it. They don't understand the emotional turmoil that goes along with IF. Since your friend knows you are ttc and about the m/c, you may want to talk to her about how it makes you feel to be around her while she's pg and you're still struggling with IF. Tell her you really are happy for her and it's not personal. If she is a true friend she will understand and respect your feelings.

Sorry to go on and on.

Good luck with the 2ww. Let us know the results. I'll be thinking sticky thoughts for you that this will be your cycle.

StacyG · #3 (**permalink**) 07-25-2004, 07:58 AM

Thanks for your response Beth. I apprecaite your thougths.

Baby blessings,
Stacy

runnerkim · #4 (**permalink**) 08-31-2004, 10:33 AM

I just wanted to say that I TOTALLY know how you feel. I have a friend who calls her 2 kids her "little mistakes" (OMG!)!!! She got pg on purpose to marry her second and third husbands. She is almost the worst mother I've ever seen and she just had her second baby last fall and now because a mutual friend of ours is pg, she has announced that she and her third husband have decided to try for baby #3. She is so freakin fertile she'll be pg within the next week or two. She never worries about a m/c and she'll probably never have one. I hate to say it, but the only way I could justify sh*t like this happening before I did IVF to have my daughter was to say to myself, "well, someone in this world has to give birth the the really f--ked up people of this world". It's so true. Her kids are so messed up its' not even funny.

Hang in there. Just today on one of my other infertility boards, someone who's been hosting for 7+ years FINALLY got a BFP. Miracles happen every day and you will be blessed too!

Kimmy
dd: 9/15/03
FET: fall/winter 2004