How do I choose--$$$Fertility, Adoption or nothing?

melaniejohnson · #1 (**permalink**) 10-06-2005, 02:52 PM

Hi Everyone!

My name is Melanie and I have PCOS. I have always had the symptoms, but was only recently diagnosed. I have a nearly 3yr-old son (a total miracle!!!) and we are TTC#2.

My son was a true miracle--I only had one period that year, and he came along right after! But now we are really having problems.

I have had 4 cycles of Femara with no success--in fact, I did not even ovulate on this last cycle and my LH was still highly elevated.

My MD now suggests we should move aggressively to injectibles--but I'm afraid--afraid of giving myself shots, afraid of having multiple babies (like 3-4), afraid of the cost and the drain it would put on our family finances...and even more afraid that none of it will work.

For those of you who have made these difficult choices...how have you decided? How do you know what option is right for you?

Also, for those of you who have done injectibles and/or adopted (both options we are exploring) did you find any ways to cut the costs?

Thanks so very much for your help!
Melanie

Lola18 · #2 (**permalink**) 10-06-2005, 02:59 PM

I have not been hit with any of that, I have PCOS and and on my second round of Clomid ( I am also taking Metformin). I hope you and DH do a lot of research and soul searching and follow your heart.

Best of luck to you!

Star622 · #3 (**permalink**) 10-07-2005, 06:40 PM

We are going to be starting IVF #3 in a few months and we pay out of pocket for that as well as the meds. I also have other issues along with PCOS. I did about 11 rounds of clomid and then dh was dxd with male factor issues after being told his s/a was fine. As soon as we were told this, I knew IVF was next.

Since we pay out of pocket, we went straight to IVF due to the male factor. After this next cycle we will have a difficult decision if it fails. Our clinic has been very affordable so we've been fortunate, however, if I do a 4th cycle I'd switch and go to an out of state clinic and to do this we'd be choosing between that cycle or adoption more than likely. It's tough!

I can't say what'd I'd do if I had a child already. I probably couldn't afford to do all this.

Sometimes clinics have donated meds. My RE gave me several vials of the Follistim on my last cycle. They were samples from the company. That saved me a couple of thousand dollars. Every little bit helps.

The injections are not bad. I loved using the Follistim pen, which is much easier than having to mix meds etc.

Has your doctor mentioned putting you on glucophage? Sometimes that combination with clomid is successful. My endocrinologist added Actos to my gluc. in the spring and I think it has made a bit of a difference. Gluc may be something for you to try first.

As far as multiples, you would be monitored. The goal of injectable cycles should only be 2-3 follicles at the most and anything more is too risky.

How does your dh feel?

melaniejohnson · #4 (**permalink**) 10-08-2005, 10:43 AM

Thanks for your responses--we just don't know what is the right direction for us. I previously asked my MD about Metformin and he said it was "out of vogue" to treat PCOS with Metformin. But everyone here seems to be on some form of it.

DH and I are just struggling with deciding between our options...it's just so difficult--especially when there is so much involved. I know we are all going through similar questions, and I should be happy with the son I have. Don't get me wrong, I feel sooooooo very fortunate to have him and he's just perfect (of course).

But we want our son to have a sibling--there is so much to gain in life from brothers/sisters, and we want him to have help, love and support beyond us--particularly in his adult life. We also don't want the burden of caring for us when we're old to fall solely on his shoulders--and we want him to have additional comfort from his sibling(s) when we die.

When you think of this, and all the other reasons to have more children, it would seem like a simple choice--however we also must consider that we could move forward and not have anything but heartache. Not only are we considering the implications on our current life (finances, being away from family, the emotional tole on us and our son, etc.), but in the long-term as well.

We may not have success with the treatments, we may loose all of our money and we may put unneeded strain on our relationships. We don't want to be pessimistic, but we do have to be realistic.

So, in addition to moving forward with the fertility treatments, we also have to consider the alternatives: Adoption and Single-child life. With Adoption, we are looking at least a $20-25K expense and anywhere from 18 months to 3-year wait--but at least we would have a child when it is all over.

Single-child life could be good for our son financially--he would obviously have more things to play with, could go to better schools, see more places on vacation, take more lessons and do more things that require resources. He would also have more attention from us and our family. DH and I could focus on other aspects of life, and we could simply close that chapter in our lives. However, our son would not have the everyday experience of compromise, talking out problems, sharing and even empathy for siblings. I guess you could say that our family just wouldn't be complete.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get this all out. We have a meeting with my MD on Tuesday and we plan to discuss the financing as well as the risks/rewards. I am definitely bringing up Metformin again.

Good luck to all of you as you wrestle with your own difficult decisions.
Melanie

WOFaith · #5 (**permalink**) 10-10-2005, 03:45 PM

I don't want to sound like a preacher here or anything, but when I was faced with those same decisions, I was also scared of the injectibles, etc. My dh really didn't want me to go through all of that and we had been praying and I believe I got an answer to prayer - which was a nutritionist who put me on a diet, which caused me to get pregnant. I figured it was worth a shot. It was cheaper than IVF, etc. so I figured it couldn't hurt. Well, it really paid off for me. I don't know, just thought I'd let you know that there are MORE options than you might realize.

Pfeiff99 · #6 (**permalink**) 10-11-2005, 07:26 AM

Hello, my name is Kathi, I've posted on SheKnows for a long time, and Geoparent and Epregnancy before that, but I've never posted here...not sure why. I have PCOS, and one miracle son Sam, who is three.

We've been trying to have another baby for over two years now. I'm currently on the Camilla mini pill since March. I also just started Weight Watchers to try and lose weight, so that I can hopefully go off the pill soon and try again. I've used Clomid in the past with no success...just wanted to lend my support.

And Joanne, could you tell me a bit more about the diet your nutrionist put you on? Thanks!

WOFaith · #7 (**permalink**) 10-21-2005, 09:58 AM

You can look under the post - so so so sad and under the post labeled - Joanne for more information.

Windalyn · #8 (**permalink**) 10-21-2005, 11:24 AM

When I was ttc the first time around, I went a year without ovulating. Then My doctor put me on metformin and it worked. I started ovulating again. Awhile later he put me on clomid and I was on that for 6 to 9 months when I finally got pregnant. He told me that metformin is perfect for those of us with PCoS, because of the insulin resistance the condition causes. I highly suggest you try it before moving on to more expensive treatments. Also have you had all the tests done?

An important test to have done is one that checks for blockages in your tubes. Not only will that tell you if you have any blockages, but it will also clear out your tubes, making you more fertile during the next three cycles. I got pregnant on my third cycle after this test. Its not fun but well worth it.

Sorry to sound confrontational, but honestly I would have a serious conversation with your doctor. There is no reason not to try out metformin, no matter if it is in vogue or not. He should listen to you and be willing to try different treatments. If he still refuses anything save those expensive injectables, perhaps its time to consider a different doctor.

Im not saying he is wrong. You know the situation far better then I. However he should be openminded.

As for adoption, that too is a viable option, but I would suggest the things I mentioned above first. If you and your husband feel that the ttc route is just too rough. (believe me I completely understand and would not blame you at all) Then by all means go for an adoption. I am sure that some little guy or gal will be exceptionally lucky to have you as their parents.

I dont envy your decision, but you are obviously doing your best to make the right choice. Please let us know how things are going.

-Windy

melaniejohnson · #9 (**permalink**) 10-24-2005, 08:14 PM

Thank you everyone for the thoughtful and encouraging responses--I do appreciate them!

We talked to my MD at a fertility consult and have decided that we have nothing to loose with trying clomid and metformin. My MD said that the latest research indicates that only a small percentage of the women with PCOS actually have insulin resistance confirmed in fasting glucose tests (I am one of them) and therefore do not need metformin. But--with the road ahead seeming quite expensive and daunting (injections!), we feel we have nothing to loose by trying it for a while.

We're also doing accupuncture. Have any of you tried it? I am also taking the herbs my accupuncturist prescribed. I read that the rates of success for IVF doubled in a study where some mothers tried accupucture. If it's good enough for IVF, then maybe it will help us do the trick!

I'm optimistic...for now.

Melanie

Suekcal · #10 (**permalink**) 10-25-2005, 08:28 AM

Melanie,

I do not have PCOS (I am lurking here on behalf of a friend today), but I did suffer from unexplained IF. I did one IVF that did not work, and I did a second IVF a few months later, during which I did do acupuncture. I can't say that is what did the trick, but it certainly didn't hurt. My 2nd IVF was successful, and I now have a 2 1/2 year old son as a result. I'd say definitely give acupuncture a try. Can't hurt, might help!

Windalyn · #11 (**permalink**) 10-28-2005, 11:44 AM

I have not heard of using acupuncture, but I have heard of lots of other great things it can do. I would not be surprised if it helps with this too. I very much hope it works well for you, and that you get pregnant soon.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Maybe you will have some good news for us in the next few months!

-Windy