Totally lost, is this normal!!!!!!!!

longingforanother · #1 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 04:17 AM

I'm not looking for pity just hoping this is normal. My emotional with this whole ttc thing are so crazy. I know its only been 6 months but it seems like forever. I have such an ache in my heart its crazy. People keep telling me not to think about it but since my surgery i left my job and stay home now so not much to do but think. I feel like such an awfull person cuz all i do is cry when i think about it and to boot everyone around me is now having babies. Not that i wish anything bad to anyone and i'm so happy for them all but when i'm by myself i break down. Last night me and DH were talking and i'm so made cuz i put myself in this situation and i so regret ever having them tied. I was reading another post about someone saying god is cruel. I try so hard not to think that way, but admit myself that when i lost my boys i went thru a very angry time and i cursed him up and down and now can't help but to pray he don't punish me know. I know i should be thankfull for the two wonderfull children that i have and i am. It just feels like we aren't complete if that makes any sense??? Seems that some days are fine and others are terrible and i'm startin to get worried if feeling like this is normal or am i hitting some kind of depression. Sorry alot of this prob don't make any sense but it felt good to vent it a little.

Thanks

christinamarie · #2 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 04:22 AM

Vera it can be a long sad road for some of us. I had my TR 3/06 and I still do not have my baby in my arms. I have lost 3 in that 2 years. There are days I just wanna give up. Just keep in mind that or day will come. There is a baby out there looking for the perfect mommy and it will find us. I am sorry if I seem to ramble on. We are all here for you. We have all felt that despair also.

longingforanother · #3 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 04:40 AM

Thank you, sorry trying to type with blurred eye's you message is beautiful and i hope your right. You ramble no i think i'm the rambling one. Just having one of those awfull days maybe my hormones are out of wack or something. Hoping that when the kids are out of school for the summer that will keep me busy and take my mind off of it for awhile. Best of wishes to you hun.

mom2fourboyz · #4 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 09:10 AM

Yes it is very normal the way you are feeling!
Im very sorry you've hit this road in your journey of TTC. I cant relate to you in regards to the TR and no TR baby yet, but I can relate to the part of where somethings missing part. I, myself, cry daily, feeling sorry for myself, that I ever let my exDH push me into a TL. I did not want it and cried all the way there that morning until I was put under, woke up crying to. DH now gets upset with me cus I cry alot with thoughts of our upcoming TR. I was on antidepressants for months, and I took myself off cus I knew I wasnt depressed just frustrated that I could not have a baby. Im sure there is a beautiful, precious little baby waiting for you very soon. Im sure god has no intentions to punish you, trust me...I thought the very same when he took my brother from me and my care(I was legal guardian) . I was so upset, angry, still am, been only 2 years. I cry and wonder why he had to punish me that way. He was only 22, heart transplant at 11...but People are destined for what they have at the present time.
Your children are very blessed to have you as a mom, your heart is big and I can feel it even tho Im in Canada and your there. You've taken the biggest road out there in having a baby, and that was getting your TR.
Hang in there, relax....remember stress and worry does reflect alot on your cycles and ovulation. I will send

and

your way. Hope you feel better soon, summers coming, sunshine is meant for smiling

Candicetx · #5 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 09:22 AM

Annik, do you know anything about TR surgery?

mom2fourboyz · #6 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by Candicetx

Annik, do you know anything about TR surgery?

I know quite a bit, research online, numerous consultations with my reversal surgeon where he explained everything, i have a couple friends who had TR...so yes I know about TR

AndiG · #7 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 12:40 PM

I can't tell you if it's "normal" because I've long since stopped feeling like I'm normal. LOL! I had my reversal in 10/06, a year after DS died. Since then I have had 5 more losses. It can be a lot to deal with at times. I would definitely say I have my ups and downs. Hang in there and feel free to vent. This is a wonderful group!

longingforanother · #8 (**permalink**) 05-21-2008, 12:44 PM

Andi,
Thank you, i've been checking on your posts.. How are you feeling???? I think about you situation all the time and keep praying great comes your way soon!!!!!! Ya i'm just having a awfull time with it right now and thought venting might.