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This is a discussion on Beyond comprehension within the TTC - After Vas/Tubal Reversal forums, part of the Trying to Conceive - Issues category; I am so tired of always being the bearer of bad news and I don't understand why these things ...
I am so tired of always being the bearer of bad news and I don't understand why these things keep happening. I was finally starting to feel better about this pregnancy. My m/s was increasing as was the size of my belly. The bleeding had tapered off. I started to let my guard down and even ordered some maternity clothes on-line as well as a fetal doppler to listen to the heartbeat. Well, initially the u/s news was good. The hematoma had completely resolved. However, when they looked at the baby it was obvious something was wrong. After two u/s with strong heartbeats, my beautiful baby's heart was still. Also, the baby was only measuring 2 days larger than my last u/s. I should have been 9 weeks and the baby was measuring 7 weeks 5 days. Because of my history of bleeding problems and the fact that my DH was out of town, my OB recommended we proceed with a D&C under "controlled circumstances." So after two radiologists and my OB confirming that my baby had died I went off to surgery.
Things went really badly. It took 6 hours for them to be able to wake me up from the anesthesia. When I finally did come to my blood pressure was so low and my heart rate was so high that they transferred me to the cardiac unit. I've been here ever since and they can't seem to get things back to normal. As long as I'm on IV fluids things are better but every time they stop the IV my blood pressure bottoms out. The cardiologist has done EKGs, echocardiogram, CT scans of my heart, a stress test....but everything has been normal. I've had a blood transfusion to see if that would help but it didn't. I've also been having high blood sugars which the doctor can't understand because I'm not overweight and I don't have any risk factors.
So now pretty much the only thing the doctors agree about is that my body is showing signs of being under stress and that I shouldn't get pregnant again for at least a year and then only if my health has greatly improved. On the one hand, I really want to have another baby but this scared me and I definitely don't want to lose my life trying. Sergio and Max need me. And being stuck in a hospital in a semi-private room (i.e. with a room mate) is no place to grieve.
Anyway, sorry to ramble on. My DH is finally back in town and brought me my laptop so I don't go completely insane. My blood pressure is better today but my hemoglobin level is low again so I don't know if they will let me go home or if I will have to get another blood transfusion. All I do know is that I am on a forced break from TTC for at least the next year and that just adds another layer to the grief.
Oh my poor dear.
I am sorry beyond words.
I hope they find out what is wrong. Maybe you have an underlying health problem that has been undiscovered? Its so unfair that this keeps happening! We are here for you. Please give yourself lots of love and care and may your heart and body heal soon. Have they done any bloodwork to test for different things?
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Co-Host of the 2WW Co-Host of Pagan Families Co-Host of Due In January Cautiously but Happily Expecting #5 Jan 12th, 09 (Tubal Reversal Baby #2) www.akashik.ca www.terraspirit.org
Oh Andi. My heart is breaking for you. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know. If you just need to come vent feel free. We are here for you
Thank you all for understanding. I'm still in the hospital. I feel better today than I have the past few days but the doctors still have no clue what's going on. They think that the same autoimmune issues that lead to my hemophilia may also be causing the problems I'm having now. The doctors were able to wean my IV fluids a little bit but still haven't been able to get rid of them completely.
I was so hopeful that having better doctors and actually knowing about my bleeding/clotting issues would make this pregnancy successful, but I am starting to think that my health issues may not be able to be overcome. I look at Max and can't believe what a miracle he is. No matter what happens in the future, I am so blessed to have him.
Anyway, sorry to be rambling on. Sergio has a really hard time being in the hospital so he and Max only visit for very short periods once a day. It gets kind of lonely here. I haven't been able to do much on the internet because I get lightheaded but I hope to get caught up with everyone soon.
Do you mean to say that you are a hemophiliac? That would explain alot.
I'm sorry that Sergio isnt able to be there with you.
If he doesnt like even BEING in the hospital, he should consider how you feel having to be STAYING there.
You just lost a baby! It's too bad he can not put aside his own insecurities in order to be there comforting you. I can't imagine how it must feel to be there and to be alone. I am so sorry. If I were closer, i would be there in a heartbeat.
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Co-Host of the 2WW Co-Host of Pagan Families Co-Host of Due In January Cautiously but Happily Expecting #5 Jan 12th, 09 (Tubal Reversal Baby #2) www.akashik.ca www.terraspirit.org
Andi, I just saw this thread. I'm so very sorry. How heartbreaking. I'm so sorry that you're having to spend so much time alone right now. I, too, would come to keep you company, if I was closer. I am thinking of you. I hope that you have a speedy and full recovery, are home soon, and are able to have a healthy baby asap.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie.
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Missy
August 29, 2007 ~~ 7 lbs, 6 oz ~~ 20 inches
I'm growing!!!
September 1: 6 lbs, 12 oz
September 17: 7 lbs, 13 oz
September 25: 8 lbs, 15 oz
November 1: 10 lbs, 13 oz and 23 3/4 inches
January 3: 13 lbs, 9 oz and 25 1/2 inches March 6: 15 lbs, 10 oz and 27 1/2 inches
Where did I come from?" the baby asked its mother. She answered, half-crying, half-laughing, and clasping the baby to her breast: "You were hidden in my heart as its desire, my darling. You were in the dolls of all my childhood games. In all my hopes and my loves, in my life, in the life of my mother, and in her mother before her, you have lived."
--Rabindranath Tagore
Beyond comprehension
Andi.........I am so sorry to hear what u have been thru hon, I hope u make a speedy recovery.
I will never forget you 
How are things more recently? Are you home?
