I am so depressed

denisepigott · #1 (**permalink**) 08-15-2005, 09:08 AM

I know you guys are so sick of my whinning lol but I dont have anyone else to whine to. lol lol I just have the really really overwelming feeling that I am not pg this month. I dont know maybe it is all the past years of failure. I really did not want to put that much hope into it happening this month but I could not help it. I just felt like I had all these "signs" that I thought would work in my favor. Like dh being home all this month (which has not happened since we have been married) and now he is back off working again. Wont be trying as hard this month since he will be gone except on the weekends. I know I will be fine if I aint pg but it just seems to put me on edge. I have been so mean to my dh this whole weekend just because I am on edge about starting. lol lol I just truly thought since the weight loss I would have some positive things happen pg wise. I had the gastric bypass done last aug and have lost 117lbs since then. Got the go ahead to start ttc last month from my dr. Started last month on 50 mg of clomid no luck and was up to 100mg and 1000mg of me. I just truly felt in my heart it would work this month. I know this seems weird to some but I tell you what I would almost wish to be fat again (not that I am not still fat) then have to go through all this infertility crap! It is just so damn trying. And if one more person tells me to relax I am gonna puke in their face. lol lol I hate people that try and give advice when they truly have no clue what you are going through. I dont want people to feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me but it is not like relaxing is going to make my diseased ovarys start producing quality eggs. I had so hoped that the weight loss would truly help with my pcod but I guess only time will tell. And maybe I am being too impatient. okay so I know I am being too impatient but how long do I have to wait. I think 9 1/2 years is enough. I know God has a plan and blah blah blah. Sorry I am such a downer today. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess. And to make matters worse I have already made up my mind that I aint pg and I am not even due to start until Friday. But I am just so sure I am a failure this month. I think a women knows in her heart when she is pg and I just have no feelings like that what so ever right now. I pray I am wrong but....... Thanks for listening you guys.
Love ya
Denise

novadele · #2 (**permalink**) 08-15-2005, 09:44 AM

Awww, Denise. I'm sorry you're feeling so down today!

Don't feel sorry for coming here to vent, that's what we're here for! It IS difficult to ttc, and to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions that we all ride when we're ttc. I don't really know what to say that could make you feel better, it's just a tough situation that we're all going through. One thing you could do though, is try to focus on the MAJOR accomplishment that you have achieved over the past year. INCREDIBLE weight loss, girl!

That alone is something to celebrate!

When will you be testing/ when do you expect

? Do you POAS, or do you just stick it out and see if the old witch shows her face?

I'm wishing you lots of

, and I'm hoping for the best for you!

denisepigott · #3 (**permalink**) 08-15-2005, 10:38 AM

Novadele,
Thanks for your kind words. I am so very thankful that I have somewhere like this to go and that everyone here knows what each other feels and is going through. I am feeling kinda better now. Just one of those days that I know each and everyone of us has. I try not to poas cause I get pissed off knowing I spent money on them and they are just negative. lol lol I am suppose to start this coming Friday. I guess time will tell. Best of luck to you girl!
Love ya
Denise

novadele · #4 (**permalink**) 08-15-2005, 11:37 AM

Hey Denise,

Glad to hear you're feeling better! I hope the old witch stays away from you this month!

denisepigott · #5 (**permalink**) 08-15-2005, 11:56 AM

Hey girl,
I hope the witch doesnt find you this month either. Wouldnt it be great for us to both get our hearts desire.
Denise

Leese · #6 (**permalink**) 08-16-2005, 08:27 PM

Denise, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time! We're here when you get frustrated and want to vent. I hope you get your

soon!

Slingnmom · #7 (**permalink**) 08-19-2005, 06:08 PM

I am so sorry things aren't going your way yet. I hope things turn around for you soon.

Holly*Berry · #8 (**permalink**) 08-21-2005, 07:20 AM

Denise, if ANYONE has the RIGHT to get depressed or feel sorry for herself it's YOU! and YES, 9 1/2 years is definitely long enough to have to wait!

You have some so far and worked so hard, I don't blame you one bit for being sad that you feel like this isn't the month.

And yes, the next person who tells me to "relax" will get knocked over by a huge verbal BLAST from me! My foster son's mother has had 5 kids, and all of them have been taken away from her...........she tells me all the time, to stop trying so hard. I just want to smack her face when she tells me that. AND when I did get pg last year she was like.........."See? I TOLD you didn't I?" then I lost it only a few weeks later........and she told me I was too stressed out and that's why I lost my baby.

Denise, I'm really pulling for you. I feel like you deserve this SO much.

Good luck and feel free to vent here ANY TIME!