Wits End

silverbug · #1 (**permalink**) 10-15-2005, 06:26 AM

Hi everyone. I've been lurking around here trying to eek a bit of information/advice.

I have read the majority of Weissbluth's book and frankly find it a poorly written piece that's very difficult to understand. I'm a fairly intelligent woman, but he skips all over the place and contradicts himself constantly. This being said, I agree VERY much with the message he's trying to convey. I firmly believe that sleep is as important as food to our little babies. Actually, to us as well as our babies. Why it's such a difficult thing, I just can't understand. I was a GREAT sleeper from very early on and continue to be a person who needs a lot of sleep.

Anyway, my daughter is 4 months old and has regressed to a terrible sleep pattern. Actually, I'd say the last month has been worse than ever. Last night was the first night in weeks that she slept 5 hours in a row. She'd been sleeping 2 hours, waking, nursing, waking after 2 hours all night til about 3am, when it could be waking every hour until 5 when she's definitely up for an hour or two and then she'll go to sleep for maybe another hour and be up for the day...For the same number of weeks, her naps have been 20-45 minutes long. She used to take at least 1 hour naps if not 2-3 hours. A few times she slept 9 hours and 8.5 hours. I almost wish she'd never given me a taste of a real night's sleep. The same time she "learned" to sleep that long, she started rolling over. I made the big mistake of putting her sleep positioner back in her bed to lock her hips and prevent her from constantly rolling and waking up every 10 minutes. Well, it worked really well and now she doesn't roll over at all.

One of the biggest pains of all is that she cannot fall asleep without a pinkie finger in her mouth to suck on. So, my husband or myself have to lean over her crib with her sucking on our finger (she's a tummy sleeper) and try to slowly pull it out and creep out every night, all night. I'm about to go out of my mind. I'd love to give the hospital a piece of my mind on the whole pinkie finger sucking thing. I am all for natural parenting, preventing nipple confusion, blah, blah...but my GOD, this kid needed to suck the second she came out of me, and they wouldn't give her a pacifier...now she can't sleep without a finger.

I've been attempting gradual extinction, but I just don't have the chops for this. She goes from fussing, to shrieking and doesn't let up. It kills me. I go in, give her a little "finger" and leave again even if she's awake, but it just starts the screaming again and so far, I've been VERY unsuccessful. She's only fallen asleep after screaming twice and both times it was after she'd been asleep for 20 minutes or so.

From what I've read here and in the book, I realize that it's about consistancy and commitment, but I am not willing to commit to her hyperventilating and turning purple all the time, and have her learn nothing. There's a side of me that doesn't see this as teaching her anything. She seems so little. My girlfriend tried it with her son and he simply ended up being traumatized. Each day he became more jumpy, "head shy" and quick to cry. She stopped because he wasn't sleeping any better and was becoming a wreck.

Ok, I've babbled on and on. I'm really going out of my mind and I'm so sleep deprived that I'm depressed all the time. I feel like I don't have the energy to even care for her properly. Any words would be appreciated.

silverbug · #2 (**permalink**) 10-15-2005, 06:36 AM

Oh, that whole mid-section about her sleep is all confused. As far as naps, she only sleeps in the morning for typically brief periods. Afternoon naps are difficult to come by to say the least. For a few days she would only sleep on me, at about 4pm, which would totally interfere with her bedtime.

I'm really pleased today. She's been sleeping for an hour and a half! But I don't really consider the 7am sleep a nap...I guess it is, but it feels like a continuation of her night time sleep.

Ok, I'm sorry to have taken up so much time. Thanks for reading.

Rachel · #3 (**permalink**) 10-17-2005, 02:07 PM

Hi Tanya,

First off I will concur that Weissbluth's book, though brilliant, is poorly organized! When I was reading it, it would drive me nuts because his chapters made no sense to me.

I'm sorry to hear that your baby is having such difficulties. I wanted to say that she hasn't "regressed to terrible sleep patterns" so much as she has grown up a bit and her sleep patterns are changing based on her outgrowing the newborn stage (where sleep is totally unorganized and unpredictable) and the fact that she is becoming more social. Perfectly normal, my boys did the same thing.

Do you have a nap and bedtime routine in place already? This is vital.... as it cues your baby so that she knows that sleep time is coming soon.

The pinky sucking thing... gosh I don't know what to tell you. I assume that you've already tried to replace your pinky with a pacifier and it hasn't worked? I would say that the more you go in and let her suck on your finger, the more time you are giving her to not learn to do this for herself. Right around this age, is when my first son found his thumb... I hope that your daughter is able to find hers as well.

Naps are much harder to establish than nighttime sleep. It is a frustrating process... I would suggest working on her nighttime sleep first.

I know it is something awful to hear your baby cry. No mother, especially first time moms want to hear this. But if you are ready to try sleep training, you must know that there will be some crying. This is not a cry b/c baby is in pain or lonely. This is a cry of protest, as in "Hey get in here, I'm not used to this!" If you leave your baby alone, she will eventually learn that your not responding is because it is her time to sleep. I can assure you that I have sleep trained both my boys and neither one is traumatized... they are both wonderful sleepers. They both are very loved boys... they are not anxious because their mom let them cry when they were babies.

Imagine a day when you can put your baby in her crib, say good night and walk away with no crying... and baby closes her eyes and goes to sleep. This is what happens with consistency with this method. You have to have the confidence and commitment to do so though... from your post you sound very uneasy about this method. Have you tried the NCSS board as well?

Good luck to you... if you have any more questions, please ask... we are here for support.

CincyJen · #4 (**permalink**) 10-18-2005, 12:12 PM

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry. Have you tried giving her her own pinky to suck on? I guess maybe a 4-month-old would not be able to keep it in, although I think I did read in Tami Hoggs book that a 13-week-old can suck on his/her fingers to self-soothe.

I had a bad experience with CIO too, and ended up giving up. But I did go in (Ferber) without increasing the intervals where I went in. If I had to do it again, I would try Weissbluth (don't go in at all) for at least 2-3 nights to see if there is any improvement.

Good luck, keep us updated