She's just not getting it!

cathynmatt · #1 (**permalink**) 03-19-2005, 07:34 PM

We started out with a few basic signs but scaled it down to one simple one ~ the eating sign for nursing. (hand to mouth)

I have been doing it for months and she just doesn't seem to catch on. I can't tell if she knows what I am talking about when I do it but she certainly doesn't make any effort to try to do it herself ~~ she would rather whine and tug at my shirt.

(the whole reason I tried to get her to learn the sign in the first place was to avoid the tugging incident!!!

)

She's 11 months tomorrow and I have been doing it since she was 7 or 8 months but I have to admit it hasn't been consistent. I just got discouraged because I wasn't seeing any progress.

Any tips from other signers for me???

NiaSadeMomma · #2 (**permalink**) 03-20-2005, 06:59 AM

Hello,

I have solicited responses from the Baby Signs Certified Instructors, who are also moms, who have been one way or the other have been in the same situation as you are in right now. You might want to check in to the thread from time to time for more responses!

I hope they will be able to help you.

Hi!
my few tips are, she definately needs to keep it up and certainly needs to do it more consistantly. that will help. she should certainly emphatically reinforced the "eat" sign when her daughter tugs at her shirt so she knows that's what she should be doing instead.
we started too early with my son and i got burnt out too and pretty much came to a stop. i got the initiative to keep going at 8 or 9 mos and he finally picked up "more" at 11 mos. there's two trains of thought out there, introduce one sign at a time as not to overwhelm the child, or to flood their environment and sign everything you can. we started with the first method and as i was anxious to do more so as i learned more signs i was signing everything to my son. i was signing in full sentences to him. he quickly caught on that all these hand movements meant something since he was seeing so many more of them and seeing them all the time. now he knows as soon as you start to introduce a sign that it means something and he does it right back to you.
hope this helps! tell her to keep it up. her daughter will catch on and she'll reap the benefits of it later :-)
fara

Fara Lippincott
Baby Signs® Institute Independent Certified Instructor
626 East Irvin Avenue
State College, PA 16801
tel: 814-867-3368
email: fara@faldesign.net

NiaSadeMomma · #3 (**permalink**) 03-20-2005, 07:08 AM

Here is a response from a deaf mentor. Although this was from a "deaf mentor's teaching method", I hope it can give you some ideas how to approach your concern! I have also included email addresses of the person who responded so you may be able to correspond to them personally!

Good Luck!

Hi Amy and all,

My advice to the mom would be to keep at it and start using a couple more signs like "milk", "more". I started signing with James at 5 or 6 months, and didn't see his first sign (for "milk") until he was 10 months old and even then he didn't use it consistently until much later. One has to keep at it and be consistent. Also, believe it or not, her daughter most probably understands her sign for food, and one day she'll start using it.

I saved this post from a mom on another signing forum on how to teach your kids because it has some good tips. Personally, I couldn't use #5 myself because I am too soft-hearted, but it just might be the little nudge her little girl needs?

For what it's worth, here it is...

Message: 2
Date: Tue, 08 Mar 2005 06:46:26 -0000

From: "merileeswain" <MerileeSwain@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: How do you teach your children?

Those who have seen me post before know that I am a Deaf Mentor and
work with hearing families with Deaf children. Some of the specific
suggestions I tell them (and I have done the same things with my own
two hearing children):

1. Make signing part of your daily routine. Sign words related to
eating (milk, cracker, cheese, drink, glass, etc.); playing (doll,
truck, car, ball, etc.); bathtime (bath, water, soap, shampoo, towel,
etc.); bedtime (change, pajamas, sleep, prayers, good night, etc.);
going out (coat, jacket, car, store, etc.); and so on.

2. Designate a certain time when you communicate ONLY in sign. This
can be 5 minutes at mealtime, or one story, or bedtime, or just 5
minutes doing whatever. You can stay at 5 minutes or build up to
however long you want.

3. Deaf parents use what's called "point and sign". This helps make
the connection between an object and a sign. So if you're playing
with your child and he's interested in a ball, tap his shoulder (deaf
child)/say name (hearing child) to get attention, then point to the
ball, let him look at it, then show the sign for ball and encourage
him to repeat it. OH, and make sure you're holding the ball in front
of you so that he doesn't have to look away from the ball.

4. Sign stories. Stories that are repetitive such as Brown Bear,
Brown Bear, What Do You See?"; "The Very Busy Spider"; "The Very
Hungry Caterpillar", "The Little Red Hen", etc. are great because you
are repeating the same phrases over and over so they become imprinted
in your mind.

5. Encourage your child to sign what he wants before giving it to
him. When my daughter was learning sign, if she wanted some milk,
the first time she pulled me to the fridge and pointed to it. I
opened the door and she pointed to the milk. Once I knew what she
wanted, I poured the milk into a cup, held it in my left hand and
signed MILK with my right hand and encouraged her to sign MILK. Once
she signed, I gave her the cup. She learned really fast that if she
wanted something, she just had to ask for it in sign and she would
get it. My son took a bit longer and we had a few days of tears but
once the little lightbulb went off in his head, he was more than
willing to sign. We started out with single words--MILK, CRACKER,
CHEESE, etc. Then later we added PLEASE, WANT, NEED, etc. Now, at
age almost-4 and almost-6, they are signing complete sentences. Just
be aware that you may have to endure some temper tantrums for awhile,
but if you get the item ready (especially if it's food) before asking
them to ask again with sign, that'll help them understand the
connection faster.

6. When watching ST, sit down with your children and sign with them.

7. Find ways to link ST signs with your environment. When you're
taking a walk and you see a dog, stop, point to the dog, and sign
DOG.

8. Make it fun! Make it natural! If it feels too formal, they may
not like it!

HTH
Merilee
the Deaf Mentor

Best regards,

Ling Chou, ICI

NiaSadeMomma · #4 (**permalink**) 03-20-2005, 02:12 PM

Here are more!

I know from my own experience the frustation she is feeling--with my
first, I went through the same thing--I remember just stepping back
from it for about 2 weeks to help alleviate some of that tension I
was feeling. Then I got back into it "full force" with no
expectations from my son--I just concentrated on signing each day
EVERY chance I got--and signed over and over at meal times
especially--before--during and at the end---after a few weeks I
turned my energy to my son and eventually he signed! Then he
stopped again! UHG!! I just kept it up and eventually he started
again and then each sign came faster than the one before--I know
these are all things you already know Amy--but it might help her to
hear the same stories from others as well!

Keep it up!
Jen

I am so sorry to hear that you are having trouble! Here is what happened with myself and my youngest twin. He would not sign but would rather fuss and throw a fit and wait for us to guess what he wanted. His sister was signing everything by 12 months and her first signs were at 7 months. My son however just had no interest in signing at all! I just kept signing it and signing it and signing it, yes for about 4 months nothing but me signing to him! Finally I had to get a bit mean. When he would throw a fit cause I couldnt guess what he wanted, I held back from the item he wanted! That did not work!! Made more frustration than it was worth! SO this is what worked for me: I would ask very nicely, "Do you want milk?" and I signed it while asking. And I would repeat it over and over again, then I would hold his little hand and help him sign it. Then I would ask again "do you want milk?" while signing it again to him. Everytime he wanted something (and we finally would guess it), we would ask nicely if thats what he wanted and then SIGN it to him while asking, then helped him sign it by holding his hand and showing him how to do the sign. Within 1 week he was signing 12 signs! He just needed to have someone help show him HOW to do the sign! Although he saw what we were doing he did not understand how to do that himself. After he caught on to this, he would see a new sign, look at his hand and work so hard at signing that sign! A few main things to remember: 1. Repitition is the key to success 2. Signing is meant to REDUCE frustration not create it! 3. If you are BOTH not enjoying the experience you need to TAKE A DIFFERENT APPROACH 4. Be patient, when babies learn to crawl it takes a lot of tipping over before they can actually crawl to you! It's a learn as you go experience just as with siging! maybe your child is not getting it because they need to be SHOWED how and they need some tipping over time! I hope this helps!

Sabrina, South Dakota Signing mom of 4

NiaSadeMomma · #5 (**permalink**) 03-20-2005, 02:34 PM

Your question stir a lot of interest from the Baby Signs® Certified Instructors, one of them is The Baby Signs® co-author of How to talk to your baby before your baby can talk, Dr. Linda Acredolo.

Hi Everyone,

My 2 cents regarding the 11 month-old who isn't signing yet is that it's not unusual at all. Many, many babies choose to focus on developmental challenges that don't include signing, most commonly honing locomotor skills, and as a result don't begin signing until after their first birthday. Susan and I often describe these kids as children who would rather climb the bookshelves than read the books! My own son, Kai, didn't start until he was 12 months old despite all the adults around him modeling up a storm for months!

Second, a few thoughts about the list of tips that Ling forwarded to us (in an email from a sign language instructor). I found the majority of them to be "right on." However, there are two that conflict with what we at BABY SIGNS(R) feel is good practice. I'm glad Ling provided a chance for me to mention them.

One of them is the one that Ling herself questioned, #5 on the list. The advice is to require the child to produce a sign before getting the desired need met (e.g., "No cookie until you do the sign."). Such a practice goes against our deeply held philosophy of making signing fun for babies. Babies will use signs when they are ready to do so, and if they don't want to, that's their choice. Of course, it's not unusual to slip into this mode once in a while (especially when trying to get a baby to sign for a camera!), but it's not something we would ever want to encourage.

The second tip that violates BABY SIGNS(R) policy is #2 on the list where the advice is to spend some time each day signing without words. Because our goal is to promote signing as a transitional tool on the way to good verbal skills, we feel it's critical to always accompany the sign with the appropriate verbal words.

Thanks again, Ling, for sending the list--
Warmly,
Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus of Psychology, UC Davis

NiaSadeMomma · #6 (**permalink**) 03-20-2005, 04:15 PM

Hello,

Here are more responses!

Hi Amy,

You can tell your mom that I have a similiar problem with my daughter and she is 11 months old too. She knows the sign for more and has used it several times but it is on her terms only. Sometimes she would rather whine. She still ends up getting what she wants. I always use the sign and tell her that she must want more. I've been signing to my daughter since she was 4 months old and the started signing back about a month ago (but not all the time). I think the key is to be consistent. Maybe the baby is using the sign(tugging at her shirt) she wants to use instead of the eating sign (hand to mouth). Maybe she could show her how to tug at her own shirt if she wants to nurse. (I think that's the one they use in the book) I wouldn't give up because in the next couple fo months we should both be seeing a huge increase in wanting to use the signs more.l

Good luck,

Tiffany

NiaSadeMomma · #7 (**permalink**) 03-21-2005, 06:55 PM

Here are more answers!

Hi everybody!! I am a new soon to be ICI. I also am a speech
language pathologist in a ped clinic. I use signs esp with my AI
kids. The signs I choose must be extremely rewarding and motivating
for the kids. Mom may need to change the item and watch her child to
see what the child LOVES and will"walk on water for!"" Those items
should be her first signs as they will be motivating. I typically
try to focus on 4-5, never just 1 sign. Mom needs to make it fun,
rewarding immediately. She may also need to be flexible with the
signing vocabulary. The signs are for items that the child wants,
not necessarily ones that help mom or dad out. Also consistency helps.
Hope this helps!!
Ruth

cathynmatt · #8 (**permalink**) 03-21-2005, 07:41 PM

Thank you for all the input!!!!!!!!

I feel much more confident now and *re-energized*! I will definitely start the signing process again, with a few additions and some modifications instead of focusing on just one sign. (I like the idea of changing the *nursing* sign to something she may be more comfortable with such as tugging her own shirt!)

I definitely got caught up in the end result instead of enjoying the process ~ I so appreciate all the time and effort in the responses!!!