I don't know what has come over me during the past few days...I have been so extremely happy and relieved to be pregnant again and to know I will have another child. Having my ultrasound and seeing my baby was awesome. But for some reason since that day, I feel like I am grieving again for my ectopic baby. I have been crying a lot and feeling so sad for that baby. I keep thinking again, why did that happen?

I saw a special on television recently - it was an amazing story of this woman who was pregnant with twins and then found out it was really triplets but the third was an ectopic. It was a medical miracle that they didn't catch it sooner but the babies were all born at 7 months and they are all now 6 years old - healthy and normal including the ectopic baby. Maybe that's on my mind that these ectopic babies are most likely healthy but it's life threatening to the mother so nothing can be done to save them.

Also, for some reason I felt right away with the ectopic that it was a girl. This time I felt right away that it was a boy. I don't know if finding out I'm really having a boy instead of a girl is making me sad, even though I had always hoped to have a boy too. I feel terrible and even ashamed of myself for thinking these things. I just feel like all of these feelings are stemming from the ectopic pregnancy and losing that baby. Even as I'm typing this I have a lump in my throat.

I don't mean to sound for a minute like I am not so grateful and happy that I am having another baby. I already love this baby so much. I truly am so very happy and so glad that my daughter will have a sibling. I know I am very lucky. I wouldn't trade this baby for the world and would be completely devastated if anything went wrong with this pregnancy. I guess I am just having a spell of mixed up emotions that I need to let out.

Did any of you who went on to have another baby after your ectopic go through this? I know I tend to be very sensitive when something is bothering me so I can only imagine how I must sound like I am overreacting. I actually feel very guilty feeling this way. I know I shouldn't be doing this and I have to move on. And I feel like I need to apologize for even posting this whole thing, so I'm sorry.

Thanks,
Lynn

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DD Gianna 6-17-2003
DS Vincenzo 6-14-2006
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Ectopic Angel in Heaven 5/7/05

to you Lynn

You don't need to appoligize.

I never had those feelings when I was PG with Abby except right around that baby's due date. He (I always felt that my first baby was a boy) was due right around Mother's day. The killer for me was when Abby was almost a year. There were two babies that came to Abby's play group who were born in May 2003. I was so sad because I knew my baby was supposed to be their age. I think as Abby ages, I'm less affected by it because their isn't as much developmental difference in 4 months. (although it might mean I would be done with potty training!) For me at least time has helped heal me. I have a Cherished Teddies figurine I bought to remember my first baby. I do get it out and think about him every once in a while.

It's good to mourn your baby. I hope that your pain eases. I think you will move on, but she'll always be in your heart.

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Cindy, thank you so much for responding. I can't tell you how much it helped. It's so good to be able to talk to and hear from someone who has experienced the same thing. I still feel a little guilty about my feelings and started and stopped that post a number of times because I was afraid it would come across in a bad way. I am coming to realize that those feelings of sadness over my ectopic baby will probably come and go for the rest of my life. And I am also realizing that it's normal and it's okay.

I just want to say again how happy and excited I am about the baby I am carrying now. I know the guilt I am having over my feelings is making me feel so bad because I don't want this baby to feel any less loved.

Thanks again,
Lynn

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DD Gianna 6-17-2003
DS Vincenzo 6-14-2006
[center]






Ectopic Angel in Heaven 5/7/05

I'm glad I can help. A friend once told me that you don't need to divide your love. Your capacity to love keeps growing. You have plenty of room to love all of your children. I'm learning that even more with Daniel.

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I can relate to your feelings. My ectopic baby would be due in May and I can't seem to delete the ticker for that pregnancy. I check in every now and then to see how far along I would be. I also check in on the Due in May message board. I am so happy I'm pregnant again but a part of me wishes I was still pregnant with the first one. I really dread approaching the EDD of the ectopic baby. I just hope being able to feel this one move and so forth will help. You do not need to feel guilty about your feelings. I think they are normal and you obviuosly love this baby very much.

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Lyn I went through a lot of what you talked about when I became pg after my ectopic. It was also really hard for me thinking about the baby b/c other than the fact it was ectopic... I could have gotten to know that little person. An I mean I knew that the baby never could have been b/c it was ectopic but it didn't make it any less diffictult to end that pg once I saw the hear beating on an U/s My ectioc baby and 2 that I also lost at that time ( I had 2 implant in utero the same cy I was pg w/ the ectopic but but M/C b/c of complications from the ectopic) were due on Feb. 1st... New years eve and close to christmas, so I got 3 tinny little silver angels to hang on the tree.

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