04-26-2011, 09:28 AM
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SKLoyal
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Joined on: Jul 2007
Messages: 2,374
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New here
Hi Everyone,
I am new here (I should be in the Due in September board). I am going to be TTC again this month but I am terrified of having another loss. Here is my story.
I have a 1 and 2 year old and was no where near ready for #3 but in January I found out I was pregnant. I was so mad and upset. I can barely make it through the day with the 2 I have. My 1 year old (now almost 16 months) still isn't sleeping through the night. I did some math and got even more upset. I was due the day after my sisters wedding and I am the maid of honor. We also had a family trip planned and paid for in August that I would not be allowed to go on (royal caribbean has rules against travel past 26 weeks). So, I was pissed for a while. Then on friday night, Feb 11th I started spotting lightly, no cramping or anything. I had the same thing with my son and he was fine so I didn't call the Dr. I continued to spot on and off all weekend so I called the Dr monday morning and they scheduled an ultrasound for the following morning. DH couldnt come with me so I brought my sister. I warned her that it could be bad news but I guess I never really expected it to be. When the tech starting scanning me I knew instantly. She decided to do an internal us and it was clear that the baby had no heart beat. She had to turn on the sound to be 100% certain and that was awful. On the 17th of February I had a D&C, the 18th was my birthday. I cried every single day for a few weeks and am finally at a point where I can get through a string of days without crying. I still think of my Baby every single day and I named the baby (Eve b/c I know 100% without a doubt that I got preggo on New Years Eve, it was the only day we didn't take precautions). To make it all worse another one of the bridesmaids (grooms sister) in this wedding found out after me that she is due the week before i was. So, there will be a brand new baby at this wedding and I was supposed to have my little baby or giant belly there.
So, I monitored my cycle a little last month and had a positive O test at the right time. I am monitoring the same way this month and I expect to O this week/weekend. I am terrified to even try. I have never experienced such a devistating loss and I don't think I could do it again. I grieve every day for my little angel.
So, I know most of you are going through similar situations and I am so greatful for your support that doesn't come with pity.
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